Chasing Leaves

Today I got angry again. I was on my way to a friend's house for the first time and was informed about where I was exactly and suddenly all this...ickiness (for lack of a better word)...just rose to the surface. Again.

~sigh~

I so wish that wouldn't happen. When I am prepared for it, I can deal with such unpleasantness and keep my equilibrium. It's when the unpleasantness comes as a surprise that I find I must go chasing after leaves in the wind again.

I have no idea why this happens to me still. Or rather why I can't get my act together still. Stuff happens. Things are where they are. I can do my level best to avoid as much garbage as I want to but it will still be there someplace. Reality says I need to not let it bother me so much.

Reality sometimes needs to take a flying leap.

On the other hand, perhaps I can be thankful now. For example, I've apparently had this stomach churning anticipation of chance encounters and the like and now I have more insight in that area. I can pray about it now. And the need to be able to encounter certain things without forgetting Whose I am, to rely on Him and run to Him instead of trying to ignore the feelings.

As someone once said to me, "It's not the feelings that are good or bad in themselves, it's what we do with them." The lives of the saints give me so many examples of acting on feelings in both proper and improper ways. I need to take my cues from them and from the Lord.

O holy Saints, Elizabeth and Barbara, even as thou didst not turn away from the vilest of wretches during thy earthly sojourn, so do not turn away from our unworthiness. Pray unto the Lord that He may grant to us healing of soul and body, and great mercy. Help us, encumbered as we are with the pleasures and ease of life, to emulate thy martyrdom to the things of this world. Pray unto God for us, that we may join thee in the Heavenly Kingdom.

Do not fret because of the wicked;
do not be envious of wrongdoers,
²for they will soon fade like the grass,
and wither like the green herb.

³Trust in the Lord, and do good;
so you will live in the land, and enjoy security.
⁴Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

⁵Commit your way to the Lord;
trust in him, and he will act.
⁶He will make your vindication shine like the light,
and the justice of your cause like the noonday.

⁷Be still before the Lord, and wait patiently for him;
do not fret over those who prosper in their way,
over those who carry out evil devices.

⁸Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath.
Do not fret—it leads only to evil.
⁹For the wicked shall be cut off,
but those who wait for the Lord shall inherit the land.

¹⁰Yet a little while, and the wicked will be no more;
though you look diligently for their place, they will not be there.
¹¹But the meek shall inherit the land,
and delight in abundant prosperity.

¹²The wicked plot against the righteous,
and gnash their teeth at them;
¹³but the Lord laughs at the wicked,
for he sees that their day is coming.

¹⁴The wicked draw the sword and bend their bows
to bring down the poor and needy,
to kill those who walk uprightly;
¹⁵their sword shall enter their own heart,
and their bows shall be broken.

¹⁶Better is a little that the righteous person has
than the abundance of many wicked.
¹⁷For the arms of the wicked shall be broken,
but the Lord upholds the righteous.

The Lord knows the days of the blameless,
and their heritage will abide for ever;
¹⁹they are not put to shame in evil times,
in the days of famine they have abundance.

But the wicked perish,
and the enemies of the Lord are like the glory of the pastures;
they vanish—like smoke they vanish away.

The wicked borrow, and do not pay back,
but the righteous are generous and keep giving;
²²for those blessed by the Lord shall inherit the land,
but those cursed by him shall be cut off.

Our steps are made firm by the Lord,
when he delights in our way;
²⁴though we stumble, we shall not fall headlong,
for the Lord holds us by the hand.

I have been young, and now am old,
yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken
or their children begging bread.
²⁶They are ever giving liberally and lending,
and their children become a blessing.

Depart from evil, and do good;
so you shall abide for ever.
²⁸For the Lord loves justice;
he will not forsake his faithful ones.

The righteous shall be kept safe for ever,
but the children of the wicked shall be cut off.
²⁹The righteous shall inherit the land,
and live in it for ever.

The mouths of the righteous utter wisdom,
and their tongues speak justice.
³¹The law of their God is in their hearts;
their steps do not slip.

The wicked watch for the righteous,
and seek to kill them.
³³The Lord will not abandon them to their power,
or let them be condemned when they are brought to trial.

Wait for the Lord, and keep to his way,
and he will exalt you to inherit the land;
you will look on the destruction of the wicked.

I have seen the wicked oppressing,
and towering like a cedar of Lebanon.
³⁶Again I passed by, and they were no more;
though I sought them, they could not be found.

Mark the blameless, and behold the upright,
for there is posterity for the peaceable.
³⁸But transgressors shall be altogether destroyed;
the posterity of the wicked shall be cut off.

The salvation of the righteous is from the Lord;
he is their refuge in the time of trouble.
⁴⁰The Lord helps them and rescues them;
he rescues them from the wicked, and saves them,
because they take refuge in him.
Psalm 37