I haven’t felt much like writing for a while. I’ve been going through some things that just don’t translate to the written word very well. Life is like that I suppose. I’ve been coming to grips with some new changes in myself and my life that have occurred over the past couple of months.
I think the most important thing is that I am trying to concentrate on what Gabriel becomes. A friend of mine posted the following quote at OCC a few weeks ago and I’ve been thinking about it a lot. Especially considering he is a homeschooled kiddo. I don’t take credit for how well he is doing, but I also spend a lot less time with him than I would prefer, and honestly, I do not want to spend all of the little bit of time we do have together making him read things he hates and do stupid blinking worksheets. Anyway, here’s the quote:
Beloved Christians, you and your children shall appear at that Judgment of Christ, and you shall give account for them to the just Judge. He will not ask you whether you have taught your children the arts or whether you have taught them to speak French, or German, or Italian, but whether you have taught them to live as Christians.
Don’t get me wrong, I know Gabriel needs to know his reading writing and arithmetic. That is not the point. The point is, am I teaching him what it is to live what we believe above and beyond the worksheets and textbooks? He’s not going to get a pop quiz on the original 13 colonies at the Judgment Seat of Christ. When I ask myself “Am I teaching him this well?” I still have to answer, I don’t think I am. Not in some respects.
In the book, Kindling the Divine Spark, St Theophan the Recluse wrote:
[In this earthly life], lay men and lay women…don’t see what is in our hearts, but this is hidden only for a while. How ashamed we will be when, before everyone who knows us now, it will be revealed that in our hearts we were not what our [monastic] habits now show us to be…It is not enough to live in a monastery. It is not enough to be virgins. It is not enough to fast. It is not enough to labor and make prostrations. You have to fill your hearts with all sorts of good dispositions…which make our souls the pleasing brides of God and allow us to enter the palace of His glory…If there will not be good dispositions in our hearts, the door will be closed against us and we will hear through it: Depart! I knew you not!
I don’t want him to find my example lacking. As St Francis of Assisi said, “Preach Christ always, and if necessary, use words.” Is that pride? I hope not. I simply want him to know what is important. I want him to know truth and untruth and have the ability to tell the difference between them. I want him to experience the joy of being a child without unnecessary stress or having to always work. Life isn't about working all the time.
My desire is to leave a legacy of love and joy with Gabriel. I want him to have a good foundation not only with his education but in the things that really matter. I am discovering so late in my life what is important. I don’t want him to miss out on what I missed out on by leaving it until he is 40 and wondering what was the license plate of that truck that just hit me.
“Reality."
Relevant Reading
1 comment:
good thoughts. Me too...I've been thinking along the same lines! I fail so often. Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on us and save us.
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