Let me es-plain.
No...There is too much. Let me sum up.*
I discovered that no matter how much pure unadulterated unfettered dramedy one has to live through, I've not had so many trials that I cannot still find peace and praise the Lord. (Hebrews 12:4, 7-12) I mean seriously, some of what happened the past, oh, six months, would make a great sit-com if it was happening to someone else. There were moments when I wanted someone to pass the popcorn cos I just knew there had to be a camera crew nearby. Those tests and trials may not have been martyrdom by the ancient sense of the word, but still they made me into something entirely different than I was before. And I like who I am now. Survival will do that for you. And I have done more than survive this year. By the grace of God, I thrived.
Besides, I learned so much! Not only in school, but also about myself. I mean, some of what I've managed to, well, manage, has been amazing to me simply because I just knew I wouldn't be able to do any of it.
But I did. Imagine that.
I can only praise God that He did not fail to give me a way to escape (1 Corinthians 10:13) when things got tough and I wanted to give up. And He made sure I actually knew that I had an escape route I could use. He even occasionally smacked me upside the head with some interesting circumstances to make sure I used said escape route. Yeah, I have never gotten hints too well so He is getting really good about making it very plain for me. LOL!
This is not to say that I haven't wanted to run screaming in the opposite direction more than once. Giving up always looks easy. But then I'd have to live with myself. Yeah, that's not going to happen. Not to mention I would have been escorted out of my family of overachievers. Frog-marched even. To quote:
i cdnt stand itFrankly I didn't have a choice. It is a-frakkin'-mazing what you can do when your choices are limited to "survive or die". Trust me. That is how I looked at this year. Survive or die. And then I called the Lord's bluff. May I just say, He doesn't bluff. He's always holding a Royal Flush. Always. I like that. So, here God was holding the winning hand and I had decided to trust Him and hold on for the ride.
i cdnt stand bein sorry & colored at the same time
it's so redundant in the modern world
Ntozake Shange, no more love poems #1, For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow is Enuf
As I said, it was a little tiring. It wasn't like I was just sitting there either. I mean faith without works is dead and stinky. (James 2:14-26) There was stuff I had to do; primary to that was obey His commandments (hear and do, as I teach my own son). Isn't that what He said to do to prove our love for Him? He tells you to do something and, if you love Him, you do it. (John 14:15,21) Simple.
Yeah you believe that if you want to. There's a whole bunch of stuff I have to grit my teeth to do. There's a whole bunch of stuff I wish someone would bribe me to do. There's a whole bunch of stuff that I would just really rather slice my skin off in strips with a dull, salty knife than do. (I kid you not.) But He never said I had to like it. He just said If you love me, you will obey my commandments. I don't succeed all the time, but praise God, He accepts my most paltry efforts and forgives my sin when I fall.
I've learned that I can "suck up" just about anything when I am being obedient to Him, because it isn't about my comfort at that time. It's about Him being glorified and showing Himself strong. Heck at least I have my house and a nice warm bed. King David had to live in caves and worry about being killed by a madman. At least I don't have to live in a cave. ~rimshot~ LOL! (Keeping a sense of humor is paramount too, but then again, I'm loopy.)
Anyway these are just a few of the things these last few months have taught me. I hope that was coherent. I knew what I was trying to say anyway.
Lord have mercy on me, a sinner!
Relevant Reading
Hebrews 12:4,7
1 Corinthians 10:13
James 2:14-26
John 14:15, 21
2 John 1:6
*Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride
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