There Are Days

There are days when I wish I had fewer convictions about what is good and right. I am not trying to impress anyone. I'm so far from holy I'm sneaking up on it from the other side. But I can't stop living the way I live just because it is hard.

(Don't get me wrong. I do not feel "guilty" about anything. Confession solves many things and eradicates guilt if you do it right. Acceptance of my responsibility for what I have done and not saying that it is someone else's fault or trying to play the victim does wonders for moving away from random "guilty" feelings to true change. There are folks in the world who need to feel guilty about things they have done, or not done, or need to do, but I am not one of them.)

God, however, has very high standards and He doesn't change them just because I whine.

Besides, I am not whining, per se. I just wish this road was just a tad easier. Maybe had a few fewer potholes.

And if wishes were horses we all would ride.

Beginning tomorrow, the Winter Lent will begin. There are so many days within this time of preparation for me to remember what God has promised and what He has done to this point. Each of those days is one more day to see His plan for me played out on this stage and to try to live up to those plans which feature themselves for me as convictions and beliefs about how I should live my life and what example I should set for my son. Should I be self-indulgent or self-controlled? Should I ignore my commitments or honor them in spite of how I feel about them at the moment? Should my desires overcome what I know to be good and right or should I "fast" and pray about them?

There are days when the temptation is keener than the edge of a knife.

And then...God.

Lord have mercy upon me, a sinner. Please bless these days of preparation for your servant.

Relevant Reading
Why We Fast