"...repent, and do the works you did at first"

"I know your works, your toil and your patient endurance. I know that you cannot tolerate evildoers; you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them to be false. I also know that you are enduring patiently and bearing up for the sake of my name, and that you have not grown weary. But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first. Remember then from what you have fallen; repent, and do the works you did at first. If not, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place, unless you repent."

~ Revelation 2:2-5

St Teresa of Avila

This reference came to me today after I had the overwhelming desire to re-read the Life of Teresa of Avila. St Teresa is one of my heroes and has been a signpost along the way many times in my journey heretofore. In fact, her works were the first mystical Christian writings I ever studied very nearly 20 years ago (!!!!!). I do not think this great saint and friend of God would steer me wrong. So I am starting over with the works I did at first.

I seem to be on a plateau, wandering round and round, looking for a way up or off. I'm not sure what precisely I am looking for and that is okay. I know I am Looking for Something Good and God has always given me good things when I actively sought Him. Which is of course the rub. I have not actively sought Him in a long long time. I know I am just going through the motions.

In her Life, St Teresa says the evil one always makes us think it is more humble to NOT pray, NOT seek God, NOT commune with Him. That by hovering at the back of the audience chamber, or even not even coming into the the chamber, let alone approaching the throne, I am somehow proving how humble I am. How silly is that? But this is what I have been doing.

So I am starting over from the beginning. I am repenting and doing what I did at first. When you are lost you have to retrace your steps, right? Because just sitting here isn't going to make me any less lost.

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.

Relevant Reading
Revelation 2:2-7
The Life of St Teresa of Avila (pdf)
St Teresa of Avila (video plus text)
Looking for Something Good