1617181920I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree that the law is good. But in fact it is no longer I that do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells within me, that is, in my flesh. I can will what is right, but I cannot do it. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I do. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I that do it, but sin that dwells within me.22232425 So I find it to be a law that when I want to do what is good, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God in my inmost self, but I see in my members another law at war with the law of my mind, making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!
Romans 7:15-25
It's good to know I am not alone in this.
But it's my fault.
Half, no, way more than half my difficulty comes from the fact that I have not been anywhere near consistent in my spiritual disciplines for months now. I've ignored my prayer rule, forgone reading and studying the Bible, made liturgy an option and basically just tossed everything I know I need to do out the window in favor of what my flesh wants to do--sleep and pretend that my actions have no consequences. I know there are those that think God doesn't do consequences but all the Bible versions I have read indicate otherwise.
Anyway, I know I need to get on the ball. I just need to figure out how to force myself to do it. After all, I do everything else I want to do, don't I?
Lord have mercy on me, a sinner. I can do nothing without you, but I can do all things through you if you only strengthen me. Amen.
Relevant Verses
Numbers 5:5-7
Romans 7:15-25
Useful Linkage
Coping with Spiritual Paralysis
Daily Prayer Basics
1 comment:
You're OK. You're not "rebelling" or anything like that; you're asserting *yourself*, which is good, because up to now you've probably been a "good little girl" and done everything "right," like go to Church, etc. But it was not really your choice, although you decided to do that. You felt you *had* to. Now you are finding *yourself* so *you* can make decisions and not something outside of you. This is a good thing. Keep on seeking the way your are and you will find what you are looking for.
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