Hello...My Name is Elizabeth and I am a Lenten Overachiever

Wow...I keep meaning to write something here but life keeps getting in the way. It's been a month since I had that idea for a blog post but I kept putting it off. Must not have been so important but still. Anyway, Lent is basically here. Yesterday was Meatfare and next Sunday is Forgiveness Vespers. I always look forward to Lent and then when it comes make a complete mess of it. I simply can't keep up with all the things I have in mind to do.

Lisa Simpson is not impressed

I mean, if you think about it, there's fasting and more prayers and "spiritual reading" and more services and fasting and alms giving and doing stuff for others and fasting and did I mention the fasting? There is a lot of stuff I have to do! And I only have FORTY DAYS TO CHANGE MY LIFE!! (If you would imagine that being read in a loud booming voice I would appreciate it. Thanks just all to pieces.) So it's kind of a BIG DEAL, if you know what I mean, and I persist in making a BIG DEAL of it every year. So much so that by the time the third or fourth Sunday of Lent rolls around, I am DONE and I sneak off to Red Robin for a bacon cheeseburger the size of Mississippi. Don't get me wrong, Fr N does not require of his flock that we do this, I just do it to myself because I think I may have masochistic tendencies and an overwhelming desire to overachieve in ways even Lisa Simpson would disapprove of.

Then, about a week ago, I read this article posted in a group I belong to on Facebook by a British priest of the Coptic Orthodox Church and what he said struck me kind of like a 2x4 to the back of the head.

The first secret is that it is not all about you, but is all about God. Stop thinking about yourself and ask for the grace to be occupied heart and mind with God. If we are occupied with ourselves during the season of Lent then we have entirely missed the point...
~ Abouna Peter Farrington

That was the first hurdle I had to get over. I need to get out of myself. It's not about me, it;'s not about the food. I can eat an entire cow everyday during this time if my heart and mind are focused solely on Christ and His will for me (which probably does not include eating an entire cow everyday, but I digress).

If all I am doing is not eating, the only benefit to me is some random physicality. And while physical health is not looked down upon, this body is going to die, rot, and decay into dust. Not pretty but true (and we western folks need to get over our fear of death). What will a healthy heart and bones do for my spirit? Not a lot. St John Chrysostom said, "...the honour of fasting consists not in abstinence from food, but in withdrawing from sinful practices; since he who limits his fasting only to an abstinence from meats, is one who especially disparages it. Dost thou fast? Give me proof of it by thy works!" (Homily III on the Statutes). But then again one might say, "Fasting  and the requisite prayers and service attending is a "work" set out for us by God (Ephesians 2:8-10) through the Apostles and Fathers and set forth in Scripture! I mean how am I supposed to do it without a bunch of complicated schedules and recipes (and a small amount of moaning and groaning so folks know how hard I am working)?"

Grace, grace, grace, and grace on top of grace. Grace is the active power of God in the life of a Christian. The power of God that gives the Christian the ability to "live up" to the works God has in mind for that Christian to do. As St Theophan the Recluse wrote,

The true Christian life is the grace-given life. Self-made life--however beautiful in appearance it may be and to whatever outward forms of the Christian life it may adhere--can never be Christian. The beginning of the true Christian life is established in a grace-given awakening. The one who responds to this action of grace is not deprived later of the guidance of grace or the communion with this grace during the time that he is faithful to it inspirations.
~ St Theophan the Recluse, Turning the Heart Toward God, p17

Abouna (Arabic for "Father") Peter says the same thing.

...[T]he more you think you can rely on your own strength of will to manifest the Christian life the further away from Christ you really are. The spiritual life in Christ must begin and end with grace and can only be experienced as the continuing gift of grace.

There is no way to successfully accomplish the fasting requirements of Lent without God's grace. Anyone can give up food, look at movie stars and other people famous for no good reason. But...what about taking true pity on the poor? Forgiving an enemy? Forgoing envy when someone accomplishes something I am still striving for or gets what I thought I wanted? Or passing by that biscuit* on the interwebz without wanting to eat him for breakfast? Or making particularly snarky and scathing remarks about people (like movie stars and people famous for no good reason) or biting off folks heads when they irk my nerves (read as "reveal my impatience, pride and sinfulness")? St John reminds us that if we fast from food but ignore the poor, revel in enmity and envy and lust and pride, and "devour one another" (Galatians 5:15) we may as well not fast at all. (Homily III).

It is only through the grace of God this is possible. Human willpower doesn't allow for these things. All willpower will do is make you decide to choose the salad instead of the steak.

Oh Lord let me fast truly for the first time this Lent. Forgive my transgressions and iniquities. Help me to pass this Lent in a manner pleasing to YOU. Make me to be willing to be obedient and humble and to do Your will instead of my own.

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy upon me, a sinner.

Relevant Reading
Seven Secrets to a Successful Lent 1
Ephesians 2:8-10

St John Chrysostom, Letters; Homilies on the Statutes, Homily III (scroll up to section 8)
St Theophan the Recluse

Turning the Heart To God
Galatians 5:15
I Want to Be Even Willing

*biscuit = a man so good looking  you want to spread him on a biscuit and have him for breakfast