Duty is Heavier than a Mountain...of Mulch

I don't enjoy "gardening" or any sort of yardwork. I'm sorry, I just do not enjoy plants. I don't find great joy in pulling weeds and mulching things. I think fertilizer stinks and the bags are way heavier than I am willing to lift. I definitely do not like the worms, bugs, and other multi-leggedy beasties that live in the yard. I don't like mud. I don't like the damp squelchy feeling of wet shoes/feet. I don't like that I get all hot and sweaty because most yardwork needs to be done in the spring and summer when (at least in the southeastern US) it is sweltering out and pretty much requires one to sprout gills due to the humidity. I don't like the fact that once one finishes the gardening/yardwork there is dirt inevitably tracked into the house that needs sweeping up.

I. Don't. Like. Digging. In. Dirt.

That said...It needs doing. The weeds need pulling. The plants need mulching. The leaves need raking. The bugs need killing or enticing (depending upon what type they are). The dead branches and pine cones need picking up. It just needs doing.

So I do it. I do it because I must.

I do many many things because I must and that's okay. Sometimes there are just things one has to do. Ruminating on the whys and wherefores and wondering when it's going to be over doesn't do anything about the present situation and really just makes life even harder than it needs to be. I've found also that it's when I do the less enjoyable things that I must do, my "obediences" as it were, that I discover something about myself that I hadn't noticed before.

I don't like doing yardwork, but I pray as I do it (mainly so I won't complain and to keep my ranty "I hate this" monologues under control). Today noticed the the herbs that I grow (not a lot and just enough for us--although the oregano, rosemary, and sage seem to be going crazy this year) and I became thankful for the fact that I can use them to brighten up an otherwise boring meal, and that they smell good when I am down in them. I had never even thought about those herbs (beyond can I use them for supper) until I was covering my complaints with prayer.

Covering my complaints with prayer is how I get through a lot of things. I don't have enough room in my head to complain about things anymore and letting them fly has done nothing for me. In fact, all ranting does is breed more complaints. Kind of like...mildew. Well, I am allergic to mildew. It never makes me feel very good to be in a mildewy, moldy place so carrying around a mildewy, moldy place in my head is just the height of stupid in my opinion. So I cover the complaint with prayer.

Don't get me wrong, I am about as eloquent as a walrus, but I think God understands me. I hope He knows that I am trying. Most times I am just trying to be willing to do things things I know I am supposed to do, forget asking for more stuff! That would just be more stuff to complain about to be honest. I just want to be willing as well as able to take care of me and what is already mine. Anything else is just gravy.

So as I do what must be done, I pray. And then I take a shower. And then I go back and do what must be done.

I pray.

Lord have mercy on me, a sinner.

Relevant Reading

God and the Suburbanites

I Want to be Even Willing

The Letters of St Theophan the Recluse, (esp Letters 40 & 49 ~blush~)