....when things got difficult, I would have a temper tantrum and scream at God to fix it. I can remember actually having a fit on purpose to try to make Him change things to fit my version of reality. I literally threw myself on the bed and kicked and screamed. HA!! That was, oh, some 16 - 17 years ago I think. SMH...I can't imagine doing that now. God knows, I am very happy no one was there to see except a couple of guinea pigs. Praise God for third shift work; the spouse was elsewhere and my shameful behavior was just between me and God. And the guinea pigs.
 |
| Guinea pigs do not approve of tantrums |
I believe I've grown just a little bit since then. I don't have fits and I try at least to leave my feelings behind as I attempt to determine what the will of God is for me from day to day and moment to moment. It is possible to do that you know. (And the secret isn't throwing a temper fit whenever you don't get your way--Just sayin'.) St Paul advocates transformation and leaving behind the passions (Romans 12:2). Amazingly enough, this wise strategy has worked for the past four years or so! Whodathunkit? When I remember to make myself stop making demands-disguised-as-prayers and shut up so I can actually hear Him, He will never let me down. He hasn't and He won't. I just have to do my part (Philippians 2:12), e.g., shut up, and stop complaining.
So now, I am feeling rather annoyingly put-upon again. I did some reading and some praying and simply let it go, until He chose to speak to me about it. After all, it was Pascha this past weekend and that was so much more important, in the long run, than dealing with trivia. He has so many more important things for me to do: worship Him, raise my son, work on my salvation...He will take care of everything else. (1 Peter 5:7) Everything else is...trivia. So I did. I prayed and then I cast myself into the Paschal observances of the Church. God is good!
Today, He responded.
"Conduct yourselves honourably among the Gentiles, so that, though they malign you as evildoers, they may see your honourable deeds and glorify God when he comes to judge...Finally, all of you, have unity of spirit, sympathy, love for one another, a tender heart, and a humble mind. Do not repay evil for evil or abuse for abuse; but, on the contrary, repay with a blessing. It is for this that you were called—that you might inherit a blessing...even if you do suffer for doing what is right, you are blessed. Do not fear what they fear, and do not be intimidated...but in your hearts sanctify Christ as Lord. Always be ready to make your defence to anyone who demands from you an account of the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and reverence. Keep your conscience clear, so that, when you are maligned, those who abuse you for your good conduct in Christ may be put to shame."Honestly, this assignment is much simpler that I thought it would be. I have so many other things to be concerned about right now and removing responsibility for this from my shoulders is yet another blessing on top of the blessings I've experienced these past few months.
~ 1 Peter 2:12; 3:8-9, 14-16
Lord have mercy on me, a sinner.
Christ is risen!!
Relevant Reading
Romans 12:2
Philippians 2:12-15
1 Peter 2:12
1 Peter 3:8-9, 14-16
1 Peter 5:7
Lengthy Lenten Lesson
The Chapter that Spoke
Finding Myself Real
Choose Again
No comments:
Post a Comment