Speaking the Truth in Love

I therefore, the prisoner in the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, making every effort to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace…We must no longer be children, tossed to and fro and blown about by every wind of doctrine, by people’s trickery, by their craftiness in deceitful scheming. But speaking the truth in love, we must grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and knitted together by every ligament with which it is equipped, as each part is working properly, promotes the body’s growth in building itself up in love.
Ephesians 4:1-3, 14-16

“Much unhappiness has come into the world because of bewilderment and things left unsaid.”
Fyodor Dostoyevsky

A man who lies to himself, and believes his own lies, becomes unable to recognize truth, either in himself or in anyone else, and he ends up losing respect for himself and for others. When he has no respect for anyone, he can no longer love, and in him, he yields to his impulses, indulges in the lowest form of pleasure, and behaves in the end like an animal in satisfying his vices. And it all comes from lying to others and to yourself.
Fyodor Dostoyevsky

The Lord wants His children to grow up. He wants me to grow up.

This is not to say that in many ways I am not an adult. I definitely am. I try to take the responsibilities that are mine seriously and to do what needs doing and I accept the consequences of my actions as well as the rewards for them. I am an adult.

But in many ways I have not put an end to my childish ways (1 Corinthians 13:11). One of those ways is that I avoid speaking the truth. I am not saying that I lie but I have not always spoken the truth. For example, in an effort to keep the peace I would often acquiesce to someone instead of making my feelings known. Or I might dodge around a person or a relationship that seems "touchy" instead of confronting them about how I feel when they do X. I often avoided stating my own needs in order to not seem manipulative--in spite of the fact that other people might have seen this as being manipulative.

I don't know why I've done this. I guess I was under some sort of impression that "not speaking the truth" was safer or would make people happier. Maybe I thought others' needs were far more important than mine. Don't get me wrong, I have plenty of wants and desires, I guess that I just got into the habit of thinking that if I denied them or didn't speak of them in any sort of important way that I would be...What?...Supportive? Helpful? Out of the way?

Whatever. I think I am done with that.

I mean, seriously, what did it get me? Not a lot, unless you count being treated as a doormat something good. Oh and let's not forget the steadily running "I should have said's" in my brain. I could concoct all sorts of "Just So" replies that never got said. They just spun themselves into infinity in my head is all. Not a good way to maintain sanity, let me tell you.

So now I am thinking, how can I possibly ever say I love someone, anyone, in any capacity, if I cannot speak truth to them? How childish is it of me to believe that what is in all actuality lying to someone is in any way shape fashion or form loving or adult behavior? Or that it could lead to any sort of maturity or mature relationship of whatever type? By definition (Ephesians 4:14-15) the acceptance of deception--my own included--is not adult behavior, but childishness.

And, amazingly enough, truth is not something to fear but to embrace because Truth always leads to freedom (John 8:32), in spite of some possible pain getting there. Besides, why else did Christ free me, if it was not to embrace His truth, all truth, and not be a slave any longer, even to my own defenses??? (Galatians 5:1)

I know I seem rambly and circular in my argument--but to be honest, I am not arguing. I'm already convinced. I just don't want to forget that love is not just some warm, squishy feeling, it is also action and truth (1 John 3:18). Grown folk don't need or want to be protected by my poor and inadequate defenses. They need to see the truth and let it set them free.

As I hope to continue to do.

Relevant Verses:
Matthew 18:3-4
John 8:32
1 Corinthians 13:6, 11-12
1 Corinthians 14:20
Galatians 5:1
Hebrews 5:14
1 John 3:18