"Never return evil for evil. Do not be vengeful; do not return evil for evil. The evil of your neighbour is sufficient. If you return him evil for evil, you double the amount of evil in the world. But if you do not return him evil, he may yet burn out his own evil through repentance, and you will then have lessened the evil in the world by your patience and forgiveness".
St. Nicolai Velmirovic
I'm about to whine. If you do not want to deal with my whine at this time, move along.
Sometimes I wish I was a different person. Then perhaps the things I've gone through wouldn't have happened. I wouldn't have done X that wouldn't have caused Y that wouldn't have resulted in Z because of my sin. So I get the 2x4 upside the head and am told, nay, ordered to deal with it because this is a consequence of what you have done.
But then again some things out there had nothing to do with me and I still end up with the fuzzy side of the lollipop because of other people's sin against me for which it seems they get no recompense whatsoever, but I still get the blame.
I don't get it.
I'm stuck today. ~sigh~
2 comments:
Move over, hon. Tonight I am battling the same battle, so get ready to listen to my whine. Why do I seem to get all the blame and all the consequences when there were at least two or three involved???? I am trying *very hard* to believe that perhaps the others involved were hurt by me perhaps as much as they hurt me, but if they never say, how can I know? If I did hurt them as much as they did me, *why* didn't they say? I am trying very hard tonight--at this moment--to see only my part in it and to deal with only my sin and my consequences. But my mind keeps going to imagining what I would say/do if..... It's so hard to let go. I want *them* to realize how deeply they hurt me. I want them to say, "Oh, dear! I didn't know I hurt you that badly! Let's please talk about this so we can move on." But they won't. If I hurt them, I wish they would tell me, but they have written me off and refuse contact of any kind--which only makes it worse, not better, for me at least. I have no closure at all. Perhaps that is best for them, but I do not have the kind of love for my neighbor that can be happy about that and move on with my life. If you ever find out how to do this, please let me know.
Thank you for that, Suzanne.
The "love for neighbor" you talk about is definitely where I fall short. It's such a battle. I want to be obedient but I also want so much to lash out, you know. Even though that would do no one, least of all me, any good.
I sometimes feel like I am the only one "going through". I know I am not but it still feels that way. Please pray for me and know I am praying for you and will light a candle for you Saturday at liturgy. ~hugs~
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