What Am I Looking for Anyway?

I was talking with someone today ((about a specific topic)) and she asked me what exactly is it I am seeking from X? It put me in mind of Jesus' question to His followers after He was visited by St John the Forerunner's followers.

He asked, "What did you go out into the wilderness to see?" ((Matthew 11:7))

I don't truly know. All of a sudden I was here, in the wild, fallen among choking thorns and dry rocks, picked at by the birds ((Luke 8:4-8, 11-15)) and wondering how the heck this happened.

But what did you go out into the wilderness to see?

I don't know! I didn't expect to be here so I don't know what I expected to see. Why do you keep asking me this question?

But what did you go out into the wilderness to see?

Nothing. I didn't expect anything. I didn't expect anything good anyway. If I had any expectations. Okay, I had expectations but they were very low. It isn't called "the wilderness" for nothing. Honestly, I don't think I ever thought I would be in the wilderness in the first place. I'm a city girl. I don't like...being far from the mall...and Target...and sushi...and a good viognier.

But what did you go out into the wilderness to see?

I didn't expect to see anything but I saw my heart. I saw how my sins had overtaken me and had multiplied ((Psalm 40:12)), how deceitful it was ((Jeremiah 17:9)). But You knew that already ((1 Samuel 16:7)).

But what did you go out into the wilderness to see?

A hiding place. Although there is no place to hide from You ((Psalm 139:11-12)). I went into the wilderness to be found by You.

But what did you go out into the wilderness to see?

I went to see that I want to be found. I want to be safe and protected. I want to be brought back to the green pastures and still waters and to rest. I think that is what I went to see.