Weird Mood

I really want to try to identify this mood I am in and have been in for the last few weeks. I'm not "happy" or "unhappy" per se. I'm easily annoyed but I just as easily get over it. I want to both be totally alone and with people at the same time although it's just that some of the people I want around me drive me absolutely bonkers. I went to Target and got depressed about school supplies and dorm furnishings but was still able to laugh and hang with a friend. I enjoy work but dread going. Decision making is getting to be very very hard again but once I make one I don't wonder too much about it. I want to sleep but stay up way later than I ought. I'm planning to enter school soon but I get tired just thinking about it even though I know millions of people manage full-time jobs and full-time school at the same time and I can do anything "they" can do. I'm often very hungry but just don't want to eat anything because (a) it's way too much trouble to cook (b) it costs way too much to eat out and (c) I can't think of anything I truely want anyway so why bother?

Sigh.

It's very strange.

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.

Fear

I hate being afraid.

Tempted

I am often tempted to do things that are not conducive to my mental, emotional and spiritual health. I donb't know why. Especially when I know that doing them just makes me lose what peace I have for weeks at a time. It's very odd. Why torment myself this way?

^1617181920I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree that the law is good. But in fact it is no longer I that do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells within me, that is, in my flesh. I can will what is right, but I cannot do it. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I do. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I that do it, but sin that dwells within me.

21^22232425 So I find it to be a law that when I want to do what is good, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God in my inmost self, but I see in my members another law at war with the law of my mind, making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!
Romans 7:15-25

It's good to know I am not alone in this.

But it's my fault.

Half, no, way more than half my difficulty comes from the fact that I have not been anywhere near consistent in my spiritual disciplines for months now. I've ignored my prayer rule, forgone reading and studying the Bible, made liturgy an option and basically just tossed everything I know I need to do out the window in favor of what my flesh wants to do--sleep and pretend that my actions have no consequences. I know there are those that think God doesn't do consequences but all the Bible versions I have read indicate otherwise.

Anyway, I know I need to get on the ball. I just need to figure out how to force myself to do it. After all, I do everything else I want to do, don't I?

Lord have mercy on me, a sinner. I can do nothing without you, but I can do all things through you if you only strengthen me. Amen.

Relevant Verses
Numbers 5:5-7
Romans 7:15-25

Useful Linkage
Coping with Spiritual Paralysis
Daily Prayer Basics

I Have Returned and I Am Annoyed

I'm amazed at the heat I take for a silly little thing on my head. It absolutely never ceases to amaze me. I can watch a movie that's riddled with violence, bad language and sexual overtones; I can walk around a beach with just enough material to cover the private parts that God gave me; I can regularly exceed the speed limits while driving; I can overeat in the name of Christian fellowship; I can step on people's heads and feelings on my way up the corporate ladder all in the name of 'ambition'...I can do so many things that are clearly sinful, clearly not holy, clearly meant to satisfy my flesh and my flesh alone -- appealing to my lower nature and not to my spiritual one -- and no one would say a word to me about it. But this little piece of fabric causes such an offense that even the people closest to us want to pin it on something...
Testimony of Grace: Beware the Spirit of Compromise

Been there done that bought the t-shirt. I remember certain people who were important in my life giving me such grief just because I decided to obey the push God was giving me toward being covered--hair and body. Certain people took it to mean I too was being selfish and unloving toward them. Others asked if I was converting to Islam. And let's not get started on the ones who are convinced I'm just trying to be "weird" for the sake of being weird. Someone also once said to me, "Just don't make it into a Law" As if the Law were bad or something.

¹⁷

From his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace. The law indeed was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ.
John 1:16,17

The Law was also grace. Jesus Christ fulfilled the Law--He was the Grace given on top of the grace of the Law. Even with the elaborate interpretation of the Law that they dealt with

[the Hebrews] did not see the law as a code, much less an arbitrary set of rules to be followed. They saw it as a help, a treasure, and a blessing. They also saw it as an expression of reality-the way things are, the way they are ordered in relation to each other and to their Creator. The Hebrews, who sang “thy law is truth”, felt it natural that any sane person would consider the law something he would want to get to know, the way he would want to come to understand life itself and its meaning: “How sweet are thy words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth! Through thy precepts I get understanding” (Ps. 119.103)……in understanding the law, he understands what is what, and as a result he is at peace with others, with God, and with himself: he is strong and sure.”
From Sweeter than Honey by Peter Bouteneff

For the record, I am not becoming Jewish, either.

I guess all I am saying is, lay off other folks' expression of their faith. Don't assume you know that someone is "God's child" or not. Don't assume that because you worship in an Orthodox/Catholic/Evangelical/Liberal Protestant/High Protestant church that you have the corner on the salvation market compared to someone who doesn't worship there or even know/understand your style of worship.

You aren't walking their path. You aren't qualified to judge.

Concern yourself with your own salvation and leave the salvation of others between them and God.

And before anyone gets their panties in a wad, I am also preaching to myself. I often catch myself doing this very thing regularly. Believe me, it's a turrible turrible thing when you annoy yourself.