Have You Ever Cried for Snow?

God thunders wondrously with his voice;
   he does great things that we cannot comprehend.
For to the snow he says, “Fall on the earth”;
   and the shower of rain, his heavy shower of rain,
serves as a sign on everyone’s hand,
   so that all whom he has made may know it.

 Then the animals go into their lairs
   and remain in their dens.
From its chamber comes the whirlwind,
   and cold from the scattering winds.
By the breath of God ice is given,
   and the broad waters are frozen fast.
He loads the thick cloud with moisture;
   the clouds scatter his lightning.

Have you entered the storehouses of the snow,
  or have you seen the storehouses of the hail?

For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven,
   and do not return there until they have watered the earth,
making it bring forth and sprout,
   giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater,
so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth;
   it shall not return to me empty,
but it shall accomplish that which I purpose,
   and succeed in the thing for which I sent it.

I cried for the snow tonight. I stood on my porch and watched the snow fall and thought, "Thank you, Father, for the snow. It's so beautiful. It makes such a lovely noise. The cold is bracing and reminds me to appreciate the warmth of my home and not take it for granted. Thank you."

Lord have mercy on me a sinner.

Relevant Reading
Job 37
Job 38
Isaiah 55:10-13
Snowdrop

For Such a Time as This...A Pep Talk

In this icon is Esther, the Jewish queen of the Persian king Ahasuerus (aka Xerxes I) during the Medo Persian empire. She was of the people who remained in Babylon after the Jews returned to Israel. Her story is the basis of the Jewish celebration of Purim.

She holds in her hand a prayer for the safety of her people against Haman who wanted to destroy the Jewish people who remained in Persia. At first she was afraid to do this, to approach the king without his express invitation could mean instant death, but her uncle said to her:

"For if you keep silence at such a time as this, relief and deliverance will rise for the Jews from another quarter, but you and your father’s family will perish. Who knows? Perhaps you have come to royal dignity for just such a time as this."
Esther 4:14

Fearful, Esther took these as her marching orders and went forth to ask the King for his help. And he gave it, allowing the Jews to defend themselves and executing the evil Haman on his own gallows.

Something has come up and it is my turn to step up to the plate. I'm...nervous. A little afraid. But the Theotokos said:

...the Mighty One has done great things for me, and holy is his name. His mercy is for those who fear him from generation to generation. He has shown strength with his arm; he has scattered the proud in the thoughts of their hearts. He has brought down the powerful from their thrones, and lifted up the lowly...
Luke 1:49-52

And years ago God said to me:

And now, my daughter, do not be afraid; I will do for you all that you ask, for all the assembly of my people know that you are a worthy woman.
Ruth 3:11

Enlarge the site of your tent, and let the curtains of your habitations be stretched out; do not hold back; lengthen your cords and strengthen your stakes. And also:

Enlarge the site of your tent, and let the curtains of your habitations be stretched out; do not hold back; lengthen your cords and strengthen your stakes...In righteousness you shall be established; you shall be far from oppression, for you shall not fear; and from terror, for it shall not come near you. If anyone stirs up strife, it is not from me; whoever stirs up strife with you shall fall because of you.
Isaiah 54:2, 14-15

Now that I have these words firmly in my mind again, and the testimony of God's actual actions on my behalf over the past almost 8 years. Why do I need to be afraid? God is at my right hand and as long as I remain with Him, I have no need to fear.

Thank you Father for your faithfulness. Forgive my faithlessness, forgive me! I believe! Help my unbelief! And please have mercy on me, a sinner!

Relevant Reading
Esther 4
The Magnificat
Ruth 3:11
Isaiah 54

Walking into the Door Jamb of Repentance

Meatfare is in three days which means Lent is only 10 days away.

And I am, as usual, so not ready.

I was thinking recently that I'm a mess. I do not even know how to repent even when my sin is right in front of me. I feel righteous even in the proclamation of my sin. Oh  Lord, how do I even begin to repent? I mean, it's ridiculous, why even try? I'm sitting here and the whole thing is a morass that I can't even begin to climb out of, let alone try to list and enumerate for a "good confession" (whatever that means).

And the more I set out to change and be better the worse it gets! Do not get me started on New Year's Resolutions. Those things have gone by the way side years ago. I mean why even bother when I know for a fact I am just going to say, "Screw it" and do whatever anyway. It's a bit discouraging to say the very least. And I am supposed to set an example for my son? God help him because my life as an object lesson definitely won't.

I am of the flesh, sold into slavery under sin. I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree that the law is good. But in fact it is no longer I that do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells within me, that is, in my flesh. I can will what is right, but I cannot do it. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I do. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I that do it, but sin that dwells within me. So I find it to be a law that when I want to do what is good, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God in my inmost self, but I see in my members another law at war with the law of my mind, making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members.

Wretched man that I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?

Because I need some serious rescuing.

Not so much when you come to think about it

I like to think of myself as a Self-Rescuing Princess. I've totally had figure out how to get myself out of some pretty deep doo-doo in the past few years while at the same time trying to maintain a good demeanor and reminding myself that not all friends are enemies in disguise but most actually do want
to help and holding on to bitterness and anger isn't the way forward. I know this. It has been proven to me over and over again that one rotten apple does not spoil the whole bunch...But I still have this thing in me that says, "I can do it myself" like some demented, over-grown, spoiled brat toddler insisting on picking out my own clothes five minutes before my parents need to leave the house.

But.., when push comes to shove...I didn't get me out of those holes. A way was made for me by Someone who heard the prayers of so many people for me. People here below and those members of the Great Cloud of Witnesses who have seen I need some serious help here below.

Now it is my turn to do the work God has set aside for me to do in order to that I work out my salvation. I do so with much fear and trembling (and hopefully less complaining than I have been doing.) But in this way I will hopefully prove my faith is alive and it will be counted to me as righteousness, not just because I believe but because I am willing to prove it but working it.

It's hard to do this, I'm lazy and I am not fond of leaving home once I am here. I admit it. I would much prefer to be at home on my sofa, reading or fiddle farting around on teh interwebz, and just generally being a lump of uselessness. As Dr Phil is fond of saying however, that is not working for me anymore. There is too much to be done to rest on my laurels There are too many people who invested in me for me to not get up off my rusty dusty and prove that I am the woman God called worthy and renamed so many years ago.

My rescuer is God. He comes to me from the hills, never sleeping and never slumbering but making me able to stand against so many things that have come against me over the years so that I stand vindicated before those who would come against me. But it is not through any doing of my own. St Elizabeth and St Joseph and my mom and grandmother and family, blood and chosen, here on earth have had my back for years. Archangel Gabriel and the Theotokos looked after my son so that the words meant for me about my son prospering would be so.

And God has proven again and again that my delight in Him and in His Word and in His Church will see me through because He has called me from desolation to vindication and it is only by His word and will that this is true. My repentance, if so small before Him, is nothing compared to all He has done, and yet that is all He asks of me. My repentance and my obedience born from my love for Him. How could I not?

Who will rescue me from this body of death?

Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!















Lord have mercy on me a sinner!

Relevant Reading
Romans 7:14-24
Romans 7:14-25
Ephesians 2:8-10
Philippians 2:12-15
James 2:14-26
Called Worthy by God
Ruth 3:11
To Whom it May Concern
Psalm 121
Isaiah 54
Isaiah 62