Re: I Sometimes Wish
Someone said to me about this post: "I SO know how you feel. This is one of those crossroads in life where God gives us NEW plans and NEW dreams and restores the years the Locusts have eaten and gives us double for our trouble. Remember, with every death, there is ALWAYS a resurrection!!!"
Wow...I'm so busy looking at my losses I never thought about what God might have in mind that was "new and exciting"...That puts a whole new spin on things and I am so ready for "new". I do know that God gives nothing without preparing us to receive it. So am I being "prepped" for something now? I was pretty darn preppy in high school...
29 December 2008
27 December 2008
I Sometimes Wish
...Things were different.
...That plans I thought I once had would come to pass.
...That dreams I once shared were still shared.
But the Destroyer came and destroyed.
Truly the thing that I fear[ed] c[a]me upon me,
and what I dread[ed] bef[e]ll me.
Job 3:25
But Jesus came that I might have life in Him.
"...The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly."
John 10:10
Abundant life...But...Maybe not abundant in ways I understand right now. I want to understand. I need a lot of help with that today...
Relevant Verses
Job 3:25
John 10:10
...That plans I thought I once had would come to pass.
...That dreams I once shared were still shared.
But the Destroyer came and destroyed.
Truly the thing that I fear[ed] c[a]me upon me,
and what I dread[ed] bef[e]ll me.
Job 3:25
But Jesus came that I might have life in Him.
"...The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly."
John 10:10
Abundant life...But...Maybe not abundant in ways I understand right now. I want to understand. I need a lot of help with that today...
Relevant Verses
Job 3:25
John 10:10
25 December 2008
The Nativity According to the Flesh of our Lord, God and Saviour Jesus Christ
CHRIST IS BORN!GLORIFY HIM!
The Virgin today gives birth to the superessential One, And the earth proffers the cave to the unapproachable One. Angels with the shepherds sing song of praise; The Magi, with the star to guide pursue their way. For us there has been born, A newborn babe, the God before time.
St. Romanos the Melodist
Kontakia on the Person of Christ: On the Nativity I
Keeping Secrets, Planning Deception and Running The Race
For there is nothing hidden, except to be disclosed; nor is anything secret, except to come to light.
Mark 4:22
This is so true. Deception always comes to light, whether you are deceiving yourself or trying to deceive others. Whenever I pretend that I am all right, that what I am doing is fine and good, that what I want is what God wants, I really need to check myself. My heart can't be my guide, the Lord says the heart is "perverse" or "desperately wicked" depending on which translation you use.
The heart is devious above all else;
it is perverse—
who can understand it?
10I the Lord test the mind
and search the heart,
to give to all according to their ways,
according to the fruit of their doings.
Jeremiah 17:9-10
What I need is to rely on the Lord's renewal of my heart, not my own judgment of what is and what is not good (Proverbs 16:2, 25). Until my mind and heart are renewed, I cannot know the good and perfect will of God (Romans 12:1-3) and so I need not think I am all that wise, lest I fall (Proverbs 16:18).
Then there will be no need for keeping secrets or to planning deception. My heart will be light because it will truly be renewed, my eyes clear and my countenance lifted.
I don't expect this state to come this side of heaven, although I do think that it is possible to come closer and closer to it. It is a race to be run and finished well, not won. This is not a competition because my path, narrow and difficult though it may be, is no one else's and I cannot run on anyone else's path. My sin is my own to deal with before the Lord.
Amazing...This post started out as one thing and became something entirely different. Glory to God and Lord have mercy on me a sinner.
Relevant Verses
Mark 4:21-22
Jeremiah 17:9-10
Romans 12:1-3
Proverbs 16:2, 18, 25
Mark 4:22
This is so true. Deception always comes to light, whether you are deceiving yourself or trying to deceive others. Whenever I pretend that I am all right, that what I am doing is fine and good, that what I want is what God wants, I really need to check myself. My heart can't be my guide, the Lord says the heart is "perverse" or "desperately wicked" depending on which translation you use.
The heart is devious above all else;
it is perverse—
who can understand it?
10I the Lord test the mind
and search the heart,
to give to all according to their ways,
according to the fruit of their doings.
Jeremiah 17:9-10
What I need is to rely on the Lord's renewal of my heart, not my own judgment of what is and what is not good (Proverbs 16:2, 25). Until my mind and heart are renewed, I cannot know the good and perfect will of God (Romans 12:1-3) and so I need not think I am all that wise, lest I fall (Proverbs 16:18).
Then there will be no need for keeping secrets or to planning deception. My heart will be light because it will truly be renewed, my eyes clear and my countenance lifted.
I don't expect this state to come this side of heaven, although I do think that it is possible to come closer and closer to it. It is a race to be run and finished well, not won. This is not a competition because my path, narrow and difficult though it may be, is no one else's and I cannot run on anyone else's path. My sin is my own to deal with before the Lord.
Amazing...This post started out as one thing and became something entirely different. Glory to God and Lord have mercy on me a sinner.
Relevant Verses
Mark 4:21-22
Jeremiah 17:9-10
Romans 12:1-3
Proverbs 16:2, 18, 25
Let It Go
I came across this while searching for some quotes on expectation for a post I had in mind about today. For the record, today (24 December 2008) sucked like a
But I digress…
Anyway so I was looking for quotes on expectation from the Fathers and the Bible and I came across this one:
“Now the day of mercy has shown forth! Let no one persecute his neighbor with revenge for the wrong he has caused him! The day of joy has arrived! Let no one be guilty of causing sorrow and grief to another person. This is a cloudless and bright day!
"Let anger be stilled for it disturbs peace and tranquility. This is the day in which God descended to sinners! Let the righteous man be ashamed to exalt Himself over sinners. This is the day when the Lord of creation came to servants! Let the master of the house humble himself in similar love to his servants. This is the day on which the Wealthy One became poor for our sake! Let not the rich be ashamed to share their table with the poor.
St. Ephraim the Syrian*
Now then, I’ve mentioned before that God often speaks to me through things I read, religious and secular. He gets my attention by very specifically addressing things I’ve been dwelling on. Not necessarily things I’ve prayed about, although those do come up, but anything that I’ve obsessed ((read as “whined”)) over, worried about, talked about incessantly to my friends…I suppose those must be topics I’m scared to talk to Him directly about so I bitch until He gets tired of hearing it.
He has no problems addressing them to me directly and He is loud and clear. And to think I used to think God didn’t speak to me. Nowadays I kind of double check everything because, frankly, I don’t want to be one of those people who make people think they are crazy by always saying “God said to me the other day…”
~sigh~ Anyway, lately I have been dwelling a lot on ((read as “bitching a lot about”)) a grievous wrong that was done and continues to be done to me. I mean, let’s face it. The situation and the players in it are about as wrong as they can be at the moment and they know it and so does everyone else.
So I stumbled across this quote, along with several others on the Nativity of the Lord while I was searching for quotes on “expectation”. Ironically, I have no idea what I was “expecting” to find. Definitely not a page full of quotes about the Incarnation of the Lord.
The purpose of the advent of the Saviour, when He gave us His life-giving commandments as purifying remedies in our passionate state, was to cleanse the soul from the damage done by the first transgression and bring it back to its original state. What medicines are for a sick body, that the commandments are for the passionate soul.
St. Isaac of
I think I am commanded to let it go. Let it go and see where I am rich instead of where I am poor. Let it go and find again my peace and tranquility. Let it go and not be guilty of causing sorrow and grief by persecuting my neighbor with revenge for the wrong they have done me. Let it go and allow my self-inflicted, passion-induced wounds to be cleansed and healed.
…Make [me] worthy, Lord, to celebrate and to conclude in peace the feast which magnifies the rising of Thy light, by avoiding empty words, working with justice, fleeing from the passions, and raising up the spirit above earthly goods...
From an ancient Syriac liturgy*
Easier said than done. But He regularly asks us to do what appears impossible and then practically does it for us, doesn't He?
Lord have mercy on me, a sinner.
*All quotes from Gleanings from Orthodox Christian Authors and the Holy Fathers
22 December 2008
Christmas vs The Feast of the Nativity According to the Flesh of our Lord God and Saviour Jesus Christ
I am not fond of "Christmas". I much prefer "The Feast of the Nativity According to the Flesh of our Lord God and Saviour Jesus Christ".Christmas sucks the life out of me.
The Feast of the Nativity According to the Flesh of our Lord God and Saviour Jesus Christ gives me life, breath and hope.
Christmas is exhausting physically, emotionally, mentally and financially.
The Feast of the Nativity According to the Flesh of our Lord God and Saviour Jesus Christ renews and sustains my life through His and supplies all of my needs so that I do not need to worry.
Christmas has sparkle and dazzle that gets tossed into the trash or is packed into boxes in the attic when it is over.
The Feast of the Nativity According to the Flesh of our Lord God and Saviour Jesus Christ lives on.
Christmas causes more endless, pointless work that needs doing over and over and over again.
The Feast of the Nativity According to the Flesh of our Lord God and Saviour Jesus Christ is the evidence of the Promise of the Work He began before the foundation of the earth and completed at the Cross.
Oh Lord, help me to remember to carry your Feast with me, to remember that You came in the flesh according to Your will so that this lost sheep might be found and carried back to the fold on Your shoulders. I thank you for this gift and ask Your help to become worthy of it. Have mercy on me, a sinner.
21 December 2008
Not My Will
"If we do not want God's will, we will be miserable."
Fr Thomas Hopko
I wish I could remember this. I often have childish tantrums in my head--and occasionally in reality--because I am not getting my way. There is so much that I want but, sigh, it isn't about my wants and desires being fulfilled.
That's so painful sometimes I just want to cry. And often do.
Lord have mercy on me, a sinner.
Fr Thomas Hopko
I wish I could remember this. I often have childish tantrums in my head--and occasionally in reality--because I am not getting my way. There is so much that I want but, sigh, it isn't about my wants and desires being fulfilled.
That's so painful sometimes I just want to cry. And often do.
Lord have mercy on me, a sinner.
18 December 2008
Looking for Better Days
A loss is a loss be it by accidental death or murder. It still must be grieved. Here's looking at better days.
...God put us here by faith
And by faith that means better days.
She said, child we are all moons in the dark of night.
Ain't no morning gonna come 'til the time is right.
Can't get to better days lest you make it through the night.
You gotta make it through the night, yes you do.
You can't get to no better days
Unless you make it through the night.
Oh, you will see those better days
But you gotta be patient.
(Be patient) oh baby, be patient...
Better Days, Dianne Reeves
09 December 2008
Knowing God
“It is impossible to know God - but you have to know Him to know that.”
Fr Thomas Hopko
"It is hard to be deluded when you don’t claim to know anything."
Fr Stephen
Read The Cloud of Unknowing for more.
Fr Thomas Hopko
"It is hard to be deluded when you don’t claim to know anything."
Fr Stephen
Read The Cloud of Unknowing for more.
A Psalm of David
To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
O my God, in you I trust;
do not let me be put to shame;
do not let my enemies exult over me.
Do not let those who wait for you be put to shame;
let them be ashamed who are wantonly treacherous.
Make me to know your ways, O Lord;
teach me your paths.
Lead me in your truth, and teach me,
for you are the God of my salvation;
for you I wait all day long.
Be mindful of your mercy, O Lord, and of your steadfast love,
for they have been from of old.
Do not remember the sins of my youth or my transgressions;
according to your steadfast love remember me,
for your goodness’ sake, O Lord!
Good and upright is the Lord;
therefore he instructs sinners in the way.
He leads the humble in what is right,
and teaches the humble his way.
All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness,
for those who keep his covenant and his decrees.
For your name’s sake, O Lord,
pardon my guilt, for it is great.
Who are they that fear the Lord?
He will teach them the way that they should choose.
They will abide in prosperity,
and their children shall possess the land.
The friendship of the Lord is for those who fear him,
and he makes his covenant known to them.
My eyes are ever towards the Lord,
for he will pluck my feet out of the net.
Turn to me and be gracious to me,
for I am lonely and afflicted.
Relieve the troubles of my heart,
and bring me out of my distress.
Consider my affliction and my trouble,
and forgive all my sins.
Consider how many are my foes,
and with what violent hatred they hate me.
O guard my life, and deliver me;
do not let me be put to shame, for I take refuge in you.
May integrity and uprightness preserve me,
for I wait for you.
Redeem Israel, O God,
out of all its troubles.
06 December 2008
Holy St Nicholas the Wonderworker, Pray for Us!
Apolytikion in the Fourth Tone
The truth of things hath revealed thee to thy flock as a rule of faith, an icon of meekness, and a teacher of temperance; for this cause, thou hast achieved the heights by humility, riches by poverty. O Father and Hierarch Nicholas, intercede with Christ God that our souls be saved.
Kontakion in the Third Tone
Saintly One, (St. Nicholas) in Myra you proved yourself a priest; for in fulfilling the Gospel of Christ, venerable One, you laid down your life for your people and saved the innocent from death. For this you were sanctified as One learned in divine grace.
This Saint lived during the reign of Saint Constantine the Great, and reposed in 330, As a young man, he desired to espouse the solitary life. He made a pilgrimage to the holy city Jerusalem, where he found a place to withdraw to devote himself to prayer. It was made known to him, however, that this was not the will of God for him, but that he should return to his homeland to be a cause of salvation for many. He returned to Myra, and was ordained bishop. He became known for his abundant mercy, providing for the poor and needy, and delivering those who had been unjustly accused. No less was he known for his zeal for the truth.
He was present at the First Ecumenical Council of the 318 Fathers at Nicaea in 325; upon hearing the blasphemies that Arius brazenly uttered against the Son of God, Saint Nicholas struck him on the face. Since the canons of the Church forbid the clergy to strike any man at all, his fellow bishops were in perplexity what disciplinary action was to be taken against this hierarch whom all revered. In the night our Lord Jesus Christ and our Lady Theotokos appeared to certain of the bishops, informing them that no action was to be taken against him, since he had acted not out of passion, but extreme love and piety.
The Dismissal Hymn for holy hierarchs, The truth of things hath revealed thee to thy flock ... was written originally for Saint Nicholas.
He is the patron of all travellers, and of sea-farers in particular; he is one of the best known and best loved Saints of all time.
GOArch.org Online Chapel
Hierarch and father, O most holy Nicholas, thou extraordinary Saint of the Lord, our loving defender and ready helper in sorrows everywhere: help us sinners and hapless ones in the present life, entreat the Lord God to grant us remission of all of our sins, that we have committed from our youth and all our life, by deed, word, though and all our senses; and in the passing of our souls, help us wretched ones; entreat the Lord God and Maker of all creation, to deliver us from trials in the air and eternal torment: that we may always glorify the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit and thy merciful intercession now and ever and unto ages of ages.
Amen.
And, yes, I have gifts to put in Gabriel's shoes today!
Amen.
And, yes, I have gifts to put in Gabriel's shoes today!
05 December 2008
"The Shack"
I was asked recently if I had read the new book everyone is talking about in the evangelical/emergent world titled The Shack. I do not plan on reading the book, but I recently stumbled upon a review of the The Shack by Orthodox priest Fr. Lawrence Farley. If you have not heard about this book then I am sure that it will not be long before you will.
04 December 2008
Just Live Your Life!
When you desire something and try to force God, it doesn't come. It will come "on a day when you do not expect and at an hour you do not know."...Continue your life and your struggle simply and normally...and then everything will be fine. And then grace will fill you and give you joy. One secret is to be found in the divine offices. Abandon yourself to these and the grace of God will overtake you mystically.
Elder Porphyrios, Wounded By Love
I wish I could remember this. It would make things so much easier.
Lord forgive me, a sinner.
Elder Porphyrios, Wounded By Love
I wish I could remember this. It would make things so much easier.
Lord forgive me, a sinner.
03 December 2008
Speaking the Truth in Love
I therefore, the prisoner in the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, making every effort to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace…We must no longer be children, tossed to and fro and blown about by every wind of doctrine, by people’s trickery, by their craftiness in deceitful scheming. But speaking the truth in love, we must grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and knitted together by every ligament with which it is equipped, as each part is working properly, promotes the body’s growth in building itself up in love.
Ephesians 4:1-3, 14-16
“Much unhappiness has come into the world because of bewilderment and things left unsaid.”
Fyodor Dostoyevsky
A man who lies to himself, and believes his own lies, becomes unable to recognize truth, either in himself or in anyone else, and he ends up losing respect for himself and for others. When he has no respect for anyone, he can no longer love, and in him, he yields to his impulses, indulges in the lowest form of pleasure, and behaves in the end like an animal in satisfying his vices. And it all comes from lying to others and to yourself.
Fyodor Dostoyevsky
The Lord wants His children to grow up. He wants me to grow up.
This is not to say that in many ways I am not an adult. I definitely am. I try to take the responsibilities that are mine seriously and to do what needs doing and I accept the consequences of my actions as well as the rewards for them. I am an adult.
But in many ways I have not put an end to my childish ways (1 Corinthians 13:11). One of those ways is that I avoid speaking the truth. I am not saying that I lie but I have not always spoken the truth. For example, in an effort to keep the peace I would often acquiesce to someone instead of making my feelings known. Or I might dodge around a person or a relationship that seems "touchy" instead of confronting them about how I feel when they do X. I often avoided stating my own needs in order to not seem manipulative--in spite of the fact that other people might have seen this as being manipulative.
I don't know why I've done this. I guess I was under some sort of impression that "not speaking the truth" was safer or would make people happier. Maybe I thought others' needs were far more important than mine. Don't get me wrong, I have plenty of wants and desires, I guess that I just got into the habit of thinking that if I denied them or didn't speak of them in any sort of important way that I would be...What?...Supportive? Helpful? Out of the way?
Whatever. I think I am done with that.
I mean, seriously, what did it get me? Not a lot, unless you count being treated as a doormat something good. Oh and let's not forget the steadily running "I should have said's" in my brain. I could concoct all sorts of "Just So" replies that never got said. They just spun themselves into infinity in my head is all. Not a good way to maintain sanity, let me tell you.
So now I am thinking, how can I possibly ever say I love someone, anyone, in any capacity, if I cannot speak truth to them? How childish is it of me to believe that what is in all actuality lying to someone is in any way shape fashion or form loving or adult behavior? Or that it could lead to any sort of maturity or mature relationship of whatever type? By definition (Ephesians 4:14-15) the acceptance of deception--my own included--is not adult behavior, but childishness.
And, amazingly enough, truth is not something to fear but to embrace because Truth always leads to freedom (John 8:32), in spite of some possible pain getting there. Besides, why else did Christ free me, if it was not to embrace His truth, all truth, and not be a slave any longer, even to my own defenses??? (Galatians 5:1)
I know I seem rambly and circular in my argument--but to be honest, I am not arguing. I'm already convinced. I just don't want to forget that love is not just some warm, squishy feeling, it is also action and truth (1 John 3:18). Grown folk don't need or want to be protected by my poor and inadequate defenses. They need to see the truth and let it set them free.
As I hope to continue to do.
Relevant Verses:
Matthew 18:3-4
John 8:32
1 Corinthians 13:6, 11-12
1 Corinthians 14:20
Galatians 5:1
Hebrews 5:14
1 John 3:18
Ephesians 4:1-3, 14-16
“Much unhappiness has come into the world because of bewilderment and things left unsaid.”
Fyodor Dostoyevsky
A man who lies to himself, and believes his own lies, becomes unable to recognize truth, either in himself or in anyone else, and he ends up losing respect for himself and for others. When he has no respect for anyone, he can no longer love, and in him, he yields to his impulses, indulges in the lowest form of pleasure, and behaves in the end like an animal in satisfying his vices. And it all comes from lying to others and to yourself.
Fyodor Dostoyevsky
The Lord wants His children to grow up. He wants me to grow up.
This is not to say that in many ways I am not an adult. I definitely am. I try to take the responsibilities that are mine seriously and to do what needs doing and I accept the consequences of my actions as well as the rewards for them. I am an adult.
But in many ways I have not put an end to my childish ways (1 Corinthians 13:11). One of those ways is that I avoid speaking the truth. I am not saying that I lie but I have not always spoken the truth. For example, in an effort to keep the peace I would often acquiesce to someone instead of making my feelings known. Or I might dodge around a person or a relationship that seems "touchy" instead of confronting them about how I feel when they do X. I often avoided stating my own needs in order to not seem manipulative--in spite of the fact that other people might have seen this as being manipulative.
I don't know why I've done this. I guess I was under some sort of impression that "not speaking the truth" was safer or would make people happier. Maybe I thought others' needs were far more important than mine. Don't get me wrong, I have plenty of wants and desires, I guess that I just got into the habit of thinking that if I denied them or didn't speak of them in any sort of important way that I would be...What?...Supportive? Helpful? Out of the way?
Whatever. I think I am done with that.
I mean, seriously, what did it get me? Not a lot, unless you count being treated as a doormat something good. Oh and let's not forget the steadily running "I should have said's" in my brain. I could concoct all sorts of "Just So" replies that never got said. They just spun themselves into infinity in my head is all. Not a good way to maintain sanity, let me tell you.
So now I am thinking, how can I possibly ever say I love someone, anyone, in any capacity, if I cannot speak truth to them? How childish is it of me to believe that what is in all actuality lying to someone is in any way shape fashion or form loving or adult behavior? Or that it could lead to any sort of maturity or mature relationship of whatever type? By definition (Ephesians 4:14-15) the acceptance of deception--my own included--is not adult behavior, but childishness.
And, amazingly enough, truth is not something to fear but to embrace because Truth always leads to freedom (John 8:32), in spite of some possible pain getting there. Besides, why else did Christ free me, if it was not to embrace His truth, all truth, and not be a slave any longer, even to my own defenses??? (Galatians 5:1)
I know I seem rambly and circular in my argument--but to be honest, I am not arguing. I'm already convinced. I just don't want to forget that love is not just some warm, squishy feeling, it is also action and truth (1 John 3:18). Grown folk don't need or want to be protected by my poor and inadequate defenses. They need to see the truth and let it set them free.
As I hope to continue to do.
Relevant Verses:
Matthew 18:3-4
John 8:32
1 Corinthians 13:6, 11-12
1 Corinthians 14:20
Galatians 5:1
Hebrews 5:14
1 John 3:18
01 December 2008
Veni Veni Emmanuel!
O come, O come, Emmanuel,
And ransom captive Israel,
That mourns in lonely exile here
Until the Son of God appear.
Rejoice! Rejoice!
Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel.
O come, O come, great Lord of might,
Who to Thy tribes on Sinai’s height
In ancient times once gave the law
In cloud and majesty and awe.
Rejoice! Rejoice!
Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel.
O come, Thou Rod of Jesse, free
Thine own from Satan’s tyranny;
From depths of hell Thy people save,
And give them victory over the grave.
Rejoice! Rejoice!
Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel.
O come, Thou Day-spring, come and cheer
Our spirits by Thine advent here;
Disperse the gloomy clouds of night,
And death’s dark shadows put to flight.
Rejoice! Rejoice!
Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel.
The Beginning...
“We must begin with thanksgiving for everything. The beginning of joy is to be content with your situation.”
St. Ambrose of Optina
Life is interesting. Every time I come to the end of something, I see there is also a beginning just ahead of me. I don't just refer to things that actually end end, graduations and stuff like that, but each chapter of my life and even realizations and understandings have an ending...An ending that is always followed by a beginning. The remarkable thing is that when I am content with how something has ended, the transition into the next beginning is so much smoother.
Last year, I kicked and screamed and fought and cried at the ending of something. To be honest, two somethings. I panicked. I lost control. I totally and completely lost "it," whatever "it" is on more than one occasion. I could not find it in me to rest and be content. The fact that this was a HUGE ending marked by a lot of pain, notwithstanding.
Over time, however, I've found myself becoming content with my situation. First off, I calmed down. I stopped panicking every time I looked at my situation. Always a good thing. No one can think properly while caught in a blind panic.
As calm began to descend I began to actually see how God cares and is caring for me. As I became aware of and thankful for His love and His care, contentment with my situation began to grow. And as I've allowed contentment to permeate my life, I've found sparks of joy, and even outright happiness, flaring into flame. The "happiness" goes away--it is impossible to retain intensity--and sometimes I have a bad day or three or seven, but the sparks of joy remain.
I've also noticed that the bad days are those days when I allow myself to forget His care and I choose to become ungrateful and discontented. Joy not only does not but cannot exist where discontent and ungratefulness rule.
So...Can I maintain this? Oh my goodness, I wish! I know he was talking about something else entirely but to quote St Paul:
St. Ambrose of Optina
Life is interesting. Every time I come to the end of something, I see there is also a beginning just ahead of me. I don't just refer to things that actually end end, graduations and stuff like that, but each chapter of my life and even realizations and understandings have an ending...An ending that is always followed by a beginning. The remarkable thing is that when I am content with how something has ended, the transition into the next beginning is so much smoother.
Last year, I kicked and screamed and fought and cried at the ending of something. To be honest, two somethings. I panicked. I lost control. I totally and completely lost "it," whatever "it" is on more than one occasion. I could not find it in me to rest and be content. The fact that this was a HUGE ending marked by a lot of pain, notwithstanding.
Over time, however, I've found myself becoming content with my situation. First off, I calmed down. I stopped panicking every time I looked at my situation. Always a good thing. No one can think properly while caught in a blind panic.
As calm began to descend I began to actually see how God cares and is caring for me. As I became aware of and thankful for His love and His care, contentment with my situation began to grow. And as I've allowed contentment to permeate my life, I've found sparks of joy, and even outright happiness, flaring into flame. The "happiness" goes away--it is impossible to retain intensity--and sometimes I have a bad day or three or seven, but the sparks of joy remain.
I've also noticed that the bad days are those days when I allow myself to forget His care and I choose to become ungrateful and discontented. Joy not only does not but cannot exist where discontent and ungratefulness rule.
So...Can I maintain this? Oh my goodness, I wish! I know he was talking about something else entirely but to quote St Paul:
I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree that the law is good. But in fact it is no longer I that do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells within me, that is, in my flesh. I can will what is right, but I cannot do it. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I do. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I that do it, but sin that dwells within me.
So I find it to be a law that when I want to do what is good, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God in my inmost self, but I see in my members another law at war with the law of my mind, making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members.
Wretched man that I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!
Romans 7:15-25
The key is remembering to be thankful, remembering that nothing I do or have done or can do or will do will ever compare to Who He is and His love for me. Remembering that and being thankful for that is the path to contentment and contentment is the beginning to the sparks of joy flaring into flames of love in my life.
28 November 2008
The Road Less Traveled
TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Robert Frost (1874–1963). Mountain Interval. 1920
"Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the road is easy that leads to destruction, and there are many who take it. For the gate is narrow and the road is hard that leads to life, and there are few who find it."
Matthew 7:13-14
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Robert Frost (1874–1963). Mountain Interval. 1920
"Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the road is easy that leads to destruction, and there are many who take it. For the gate is narrow and the road is hard that leads to life, and there are few who find it."
Matthew 7:13-14
22 November 2008
Troparion for the Feast of the Presentation of the Theotokos to the Temple
Troparion for the Feast of the Presentation of the Theotokos to the Temple
"Today is the prelude of the good will of God, of the preaching of the salvation of mankind. The Virgin appears in the Temple of God, in anticipation proclaiming Christ to all. Let us rejoice and sing to her: Rejoice, O fulfillment of the Creator’s dispensation!"
The Feast of the Presentation of the Theotokos to the Temple celebrates entry into the life of the Temple. Joachim and Anna were very old when Mary was born. As Anna had promised, she brought Mary to the Temple, as a young girl of three and dedicated her to God’s service. It was customary for many young Jewish virgins and widows to live at the temple where they studied the Word of God and performed temple service.
When Mary was presented to the High Priest, he took her into the sanctuary, which was called the "Holy of Holies", where he was allowed once a year. Mary studied and served in the temple until the age of 14. At that time, she was betrothed, following a religious custom, to Joseph. Mary went to Nazareth with Joseph, where she continued her religious life of prayer and study. It was there in Nazareth that Mary was visited by the angel who told her she would be the mother of Jesus, God’s Son.
18 November 2008
Help My Unbelief
Lord I believe! Help my unbelief!
Mark 9:24
If this isn't one of the most "real" prayers recorded in the Bible, I don't know what is.
I wrestle so much with unbelief and not even unbelief that has a sign on it saying, "Hi, My Name is Unbelief". Nothing so obvious as that but subtle things like worrying when I see something coming in the future--a bill or obligation, or wondering what will become of "things" if X happens. It's insidious and so "normal" that I barely recognize it for what it is.
Lack of faith.
Unbelief.
Fear.
All those things the Lord has told us not to indulge in.
Lord, I believe! Help thou my unbelief! Have mercy on me, a sinner.
Mark 9:24
If this isn't one of the most "real" prayers recorded in the Bible, I don't know what is.
I wrestle so much with unbelief and not even unbelief that has a sign on it saying, "Hi, My Name is Unbelief". Nothing so obvious as that but subtle things like worrying when I see something coming in the future--a bill or obligation, or wondering what will become of "things" if X happens. It's insidious and so "normal" that I barely recognize it for what it is.
Lack of faith.
Unbelief.
Fear.
All those things the Lord has told us not to indulge in.
Lord, I believe! Help thou my unbelief! Have mercy on me, a sinner.
14 November 2008
Yes
Watch your thoughts, they become words.
Watch your words, they become actions.
Watch your actions, they become habits.
Watch your habits, they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes...your destiny.
'Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle'.
Watch your words, they become actions.
Watch your actions, they become habits.
Watch your habits, they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes...your destiny.
'Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle'.
11 November 2008
To Write Love on Her Arms
"The stars are always there but we miss them in the dirt and clouds. We miss them in the storms. Tell them to remember hope. We have hope."
From To Write Love on Her Arms
...[w]e also boast in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us.
Romans 5:3-5
Hope is something I've not paid much attention to over the years. Honestly, I have lost my hope due to circumstances I find myself in. Some of those circumstances are of my own making--they might be called "consequences" in many cases. In other cases they are the results of someone else's choices or just life happening in ways I would prefer it not happen.
Regardless, I let go of hope because I didn't see any point in it. I honestly think it has been years since I've even thought about what I hope for. It's mostly been about focusing on what I can do to produce and being rather fatalistic when things happen ((or don't happen)). Suffice to say such an attitude doesn't produce a lot of gratefulness either.
Lately however things have been different. Just over the past few months, really, I've been feeling, well, hopeful. As in "full of hope". It's as if all the drama of the last year literally broke my heart and the softening ripened into something that produced this rather delicate flowering of hope in my life again. For the present and future of my son, for my household. For myself.
The Lord spoke to me once back in September 2007:
Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed;
do not be discouraged, for you will not suffer disgrace;
for you will forget the shame of your youth,
and the disgrace of your widowhood you will remember no more.
5For your Maker is your husband,
the Lord of hosts is his name;
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer,
the God of the whole earth he is called.
6For the Lord has called you
like a wife forsaken and grieved in spirit,
like the wife of a man’s youth when she is cast off,
says your God.
O afflicted one, storm-tossed, and not comforted,
I am about to set your stones in antimony,
and lay your foundations with sapphires.
12I will make your pinnacles of rubies,
your gates of jewels,
and all your wall of precious stones.
13All your children shall be taught by the Lord,
and great shall be the prosperity of your children.
14In righteousness you shall be established;
you shall be far from oppression, for you shall not fear;
and from terror, for it shall not come near you.
Isaiah 54:4-6, 11-14
I hope I can be made worthy of this treasure. Lord, forgive me for losing my hope and thank you for bringing it back to me.
Relevant Verses
Isaiah 54
Luke 1:45
From To Write Love on Her Arms
...[w]e also boast in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us.
Romans 5:3-5
Hope is something I've not paid much attention to over the years. Honestly, I have lost my hope due to circumstances I find myself in. Some of those circumstances are of my own making--they might be called "consequences" in many cases. In other cases they are the results of someone else's choices or just life happening in ways I would prefer it not happen.
Regardless, I let go of hope because I didn't see any point in it. I honestly think it has been years since I've even thought about what I hope for. It's mostly been about focusing on what I can do to produce and being rather fatalistic when things happen ((or don't happen)). Suffice to say such an attitude doesn't produce a lot of gratefulness either.
Lately however things have been different. Just over the past few months, really, I've been feeling, well, hopeful. As in "full of hope". It's as if all the drama of the last year literally broke my heart and the softening ripened into something that produced this rather delicate flowering of hope in my life again. For the present and future of my son, for my household. For myself.
The Lord spoke to me once back in September 2007:
Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed;
do not be discouraged, for you will not suffer disgrace;
for you will forget the shame of your youth,
and the disgrace of your widowhood you will remember no more.
5For your Maker is your husband,
the Lord of hosts is his name;
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer,
the God of the whole earth he is called.
6For the Lord has called you
like a wife forsaken and grieved in spirit,
like the wife of a man’s youth when she is cast off,
says your God.
O afflicted one, storm-tossed, and not comforted,
I am about to set your stones in antimony,
and lay your foundations with sapphires.
12I will make your pinnacles of rubies,
your gates of jewels,
and all your wall of precious stones.
13All your children shall be taught by the Lord,
and great shall be the prosperity of your children.
14In righteousness you shall be established;
you shall be far from oppression, for you shall not fear;
and from terror, for it shall not come near you.
Isaiah 54:4-6, 11-14
I hope I can be made worthy of this treasure. Lord, forgive me for losing my hope and thank you for bringing it back to me.
Relevant Verses
Isaiah 54
Luke 1:45
08 November 2008
It's Gabriel's Other Feast Day!
Apolytikion in the Fourth Tone
O Commanders of the Heavenly Host, we the unworthy beseech you, that through your entreaties you will fortify us, guarding us in the shelter of the wings of your ethereal glory, even as we fervently bow before you crying: "Deliver us from all danger, as Commanders of the Powers on high!
Kontakion in the Second Tone
Chief Commanders of God; ministers of divine glory; guides for men and leadership of the Incorporeal; as Chief Commanders of the Incorporeal, plead for our welfare and for great mercy.
All the Angels, according to the Apostle Paul, are ministering spirits, - sent forth to minister to them who shall be heirs of salvation - (Heb. 1:14). God set them as overseers of every nation and people, and guides to that which is profitable (Deut. 32:8); and while one Angel is appointed to oversee each nation as a whole, one is also appointed to protect each Christian individually. He commands them to guard them that hope on Him, that nothing should harm them, neither should any evil draw nigh to their dwelling (Ps. 90:10-12).
In the Heavens they always behold the face of God, sending up to Him the thrice-holy hymn and interceding with Him in our behalf, seeing they rejoice over one sinner that repents (Esaias 6:2-3; Matt. 18:10; Luke 15:7). In a word, they have served God in so many ways for our benefit, that the pages of Holy Scripture are filled with the histories thereof.
It is for these reasons that the Orthodox Catholic Church, wisely honouring these divine ministers, our protectors and guardians, celebrates today the present Synaxis that is, our coming together in assembly for their common feast to chant their praises, especially for the Archangels Michael and Gabriel, who are mentioned in the Scriptures by name. The name Michael means "Who is like God?" and Gabriel means "God is mighty."
The number of Angels is not defined in the divine Scriptures, where Daniel says that thousands of thousands ministered before Him, and ten thousands of ten thousands attended upon Him -(Dan. 7:10). But all of them are divided into nine orders which are called Thrones, Cherubim, Seraphim, Dominions, Powers, Authorities, Principalities, Archangels, and Angels.
GOARCH Chapel
Many Years, Gabriel!
05 November 2008
Avoiding the Easy Path
“Hereafter you will consider that everything that happens to you , both great and small, is sent by God to help you in your warfare. He alone knows what is necessary for you and what you need at the moment: adversity and prosperity, temptation and fall. Nothing happens accidentally or in such a way that you cannot learn from it; you must understand this at once, for this is how your trust grows in the Lord whom you have chosen to follow.”
Way of the Ascetics by Tito Colliander
Long ago, John F. Kennedy proposed that America go to the moon, not because it was easy but because it would be difficult, and that was the gift:...the opportunity to do something so difficult that she'd be stretched to her limits, feel her own possibilities, find something in herself to rejoice in...[T]here were many things one could not control...and that knowledge dictated an ireon-willed insitence that what could be controlled must be brought to perfection.
DW Yarbrough in The Sparrow by Maria Doria Russell
Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the road is easy that leads to destruction, and there are many who take it. For the gate is narrow and the road is hard that leads to life, and there are few who find it.
Matthew 7:13-14
The more difficult my life has been, the more likely I am to work at making it right. When things are easy, I get slack and stuff goes all wacky. Probably because I begin to focus on myself which is rarely a good thing. Every time I get "all about Beth", I end up making bad decisions, doing something random and stupid, having to backtrack, repent, ask forgiveness, make reparations. Never a fun time.
The thing is, sometimes I look at what seems to be laid out for me to do and I feel like I just can't do it. Then I end up doing all kinds of stupid things just to avoid what looks hard, up to and including sabotaging myself sometimes. How sick is that? It would be so much less complicated to just do whatever it is and get it over with than to go round Robin's barn, making myself miserable in the process of being just plain lazy.
What really bakes my noodle later is when I finally finish jumping through all those stupid flaming hoops I've set up for myself and I do what needed doing in the first place and realize it was simple after all.
So why all the fear? What in the world is my problem?
Hm. What in the world is my problem?
In the world.
That's my problem.
I need to remember that working itself is a prayer, recall the first thing God did after creating Adam and Eve was give them work and purpose: look after the earth and the animals and plants. So, if I am to pray without ceasing, then shouldn't that include words and actions?
But this isn't just about the job but everything. Everything should be done to the glory of God. That is the only work we truly have. That being the case then everything that is not done for His glory is going to be...Harder than it needs to be. Way harder than it would be if I wasn't trying to hold it from Him and not accept His help, that is.
All that just to say to myself, "STOP PROCRASTINATING YA DINGBAT!!!!!!!!!!"
Relevant Verses
1 Thessalonians 5:14-22
Genesis 1:27-28
Way of the Ascetics by Tito Colliander
Long ago, John F. Kennedy proposed that America go to the moon, not because it was easy but because it would be difficult, and that was the gift:...the opportunity to do something so difficult that she'd be stretched to her limits, feel her own possibilities, find something in herself to rejoice in...[T]here were many things one could not control...and that knowledge dictated an ireon-willed insitence that what could be controlled must be brought to perfection.
DW Yarbrough in The Sparrow by Maria Doria Russell
Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the road is easy that leads to destruction, and there are many who take it. For the gate is narrow and the road is hard that leads to life, and there are few who find it.
Matthew 7:13-14
The more difficult my life has been, the more likely I am to work at making it right. When things are easy, I get slack and stuff goes all wacky. Probably because I begin to focus on myself which is rarely a good thing. Every time I get "all about Beth", I end up making bad decisions, doing something random and stupid, having to backtrack, repent, ask forgiveness, make reparations. Never a fun time.
The thing is, sometimes I look at what seems to be laid out for me to do and I feel like I just can't do it. Then I end up doing all kinds of stupid things just to avoid what looks hard, up to and including sabotaging myself sometimes. How sick is that? It would be so much less complicated to just do whatever it is and get it over with than to go round Robin's barn, making myself miserable in the process of being just plain lazy.
What really bakes my noodle later is when I finally finish jumping through all those stupid flaming hoops I've set up for myself and I do what needed doing in the first place and realize it was simple after all.
So why all the fear? What in the world is my problem?
Hm. What in the world is my problem?
In the world.
That's my problem.
I need to remember that working itself is a prayer, recall the first thing God did after creating Adam and Eve was give them work and purpose: look after the earth and the animals and plants. So, if I am to pray without ceasing, then shouldn't that include words and actions?
But this isn't just about the job but everything. Everything should be done to the glory of God. That is the only work we truly have. That being the case then everything that is not done for His glory is going to be...Harder than it needs to be. Way harder than it would be if I wasn't trying to hold it from Him and not accept His help, that is.
All that just to say to myself, "STOP PROCRASTINATING YA DINGBAT!!!!!!!!!!"
Relevant Verses
1 Thessalonians 5:14-22
Genesis 1:27-28
The Speech
If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible; who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time; who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer....
...Let us resist the temptation to fall back on the same partisanship and pettiness and immaturity that has poisoned our politics for so long. Let us remember that it was a man from this state who first carried the banner of the Republican Party to the White House - a party founded on the values of self-reliance, individual liberty, and national unity. Those are values we all share, and while the Democratic Party has won a great victory tonight, we do so with a measure of humility and determination to heal the divides that have held back our progress. As Lincoln said to a nation far more divided than ours, We are not enemies, but friends, though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection. And to those Americans whose support I have yet to earn - I may not have won your vote, but I hear your voices, I need your help, and I will be your President too.
...Let us resist the temptation to fall back on the same partisanship and pettiness and immaturity that has poisoned our politics for so long. Let us remember that it was a man from this state who first carried the banner of the Republican Party to the White House - a party founded on the values of self-reliance, individual liberty, and national unity. Those are values we all share, and while the Democratic Party has won a great victory tonight, we do so with a measure of humility and determination to heal the divides that have held back our progress. As Lincoln said to a nation far more divided than ours, We are not enemies, but friends, though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection. And to those Americans whose support I have yet to earn - I may not have won your vote, but I hear your voices, I need your help, and I will be your President too.
And to all those watching tonight from beyond our shores, from parliaments and palaces to those who are huddled around radios in the forgotten corners of our world - our stories are singular, but our destiny is shared, and a new dawn of American leadership is at hand. To those who would tear this world down - we will defeat you. To those who seek peace and security - we support you. And to all those who have wondered if Americas beacon still burns as bright - tonight we proved once more that the true strength of our nation comes not from our the might of our arms or the scale of our wealth, but from the enduring power of our ideals: democracy, liberty, opportunity, and unyielding hope.
For that is the true genius of America - that America can change. Our union can be perfected. And what we have already achieved gives us hope for what we can and must achieve tomorrow....
...America, we have come so far. We have seen so much. But there is so much more to do. So tonight, let us ask ourselves - if our children should live to see the next century; if my daughters should be so lucky to live as long as Ann Nixon Cooper, what change will they see? What progress will we have made?
This is our chance to answer that call. This is our moment. This is our time - to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American Dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth - that out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope, and where we are met with cynicism, and doubt, and those who tell us that we cant, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people:
Yes We Can. Thank you, God bless you, and may God Bless the United States of America.
Barack Obama, Victory Speech 4 November 2008
FoxNews Raw DataUnexpected Joy
Oh my God.
Honestly, I am crying. And not because a democrat won.
Because America has elected a black man as president.
I never ever expected that in my lifetime.
Lord have mercy, Lord have mercy, Lord have mercy. Lord grant wisdom. On him. On us. On me.
But I would be lying if I wasn't feeling totally and completely and unexpectedly joyful about this.
ETA: Yes I did wake Gabriel for this
Honestly, I am crying. And not because a democrat won.
Because America has elected a black man as president.
I never ever expected that in my lifetime.
Lord have mercy, Lord have mercy, Lord have mercy. Lord grant wisdom. On him. On us. On me.
But I would be lying if I wasn't feeling totally and completely and unexpectedly joyful about this.
ETA: Yes I did wake Gabriel for this
04 November 2008
"Stand In The Rain" It's My Theme Song
She never slows down.
She doesn't know why but she knows that when she's all alone,
feels like its all coming down
She won't turn around.
The shadows are long and she fears if she cries that first tear,
the tears will not stop raining down
[CHORUS]
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, whats lost can be found
You stand in the rain
She won't make a sound
Alone in this fight with herself and the fears whispering
if she stands she'll fall down
She wants to be found
The only way out is through everything she's running from
wants to give up and lie down.
[CHORUS]
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, whats lost can be found
You stand in the rain
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
Stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, whats lost can be found
[CHORUS]
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, whats lost can be found
You stand in the rain
She doesn't know why but she knows that when she's all alone,
feels like its all coming down
She won't turn around.
The shadows are long and she fears if she cries that first tear,
the tears will not stop raining down
[CHORUS]
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, whats lost can be found
You stand in the rain
She won't make a sound
Alone in this fight with herself and the fears whispering
if she stands she'll fall down
She wants to be found
The only way out is through everything she's running from
wants to give up and lie down.
[CHORUS]
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, whats lost can be found
You stand in the rain
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
Stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, whats lost can be found
[CHORUS]
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, whats lost can be found
You stand in the rain
It's NOT Somebody Else's Problem
"An SEP," he said, "is something that we can't see, or don't see, or our brain doesn't let us see, because we think that it's somebody else's problem. That's what SEP means. Somebody Else's Problem. The brain just edits it out, it's like a blind spot. If you look at it directly you won't see it unless you know precisely what it is. Your only hope is to catch it by surprise out of the corner of your eye."
Ford Prefect, Life the Universe & Everything
This election is definitely all of our problem. Make no mistake, no matter which way it falls at midnight, something is going to be different. Someone new with new policies and new ideas and new ways of doing things will be preparing to take over the highest office in this country. And, regardless of the recent decline in US popularity globally, this man will still walk among the most powerful, most influential leaders in the world as Primus Inter Pares, First Among Equals.
As my mother taught me, no matter who sits in the Oval Office, it is my duty to accord honor to the Office. Not the man. The man will change, but the mantle of the Office will remain. Once it is laid across the shoulders of someone, that someone is due all the honor of the Office. It is the man's duty not to sully the honor given him, but regardless, the honor remains.
Let every person be subject to the governing authorities; for there is no authority except from God, and those authorities that exist have been instituted by God. Therefore whoever resists authority resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment. For rulers are not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Do you wish to have no fear of the authority? Then do what is good, and you will receive its approval; for it is God’s servant for your good. But if you do what is wrong, you should be afraid, for the authority does not bear the sword in vain! It is the servant of God to execute wrath on the wrongdoer. Therefore one must be subject, not only because of wrath but also because of conscience. For the same reason you also pay taxes, for the authorities are God’s servants, busy with this very thing. Pay to all what is due to them—taxes to whom taxes are due, revenue to whom revenue is due, respect to whom respect is due, honour to whom honour is due.
Romans 13:1-7, emphasis mine
So, even if you think that out of the 300,000,000 people in this country, we got the sticky side of the lollipop with the four folks on the presidential ballot, go get in line and vote anyway. There are doubtless other items on the ticket you also need to consider. Local items which will have more immediate effect on your personal life anyway.
Vote.
Or don't b!tch.
The choice is yours. It's NOT Somebody Else's Problem.
Hat Tip to Emily for the pic!
01 November 2008
Answers to An Unknown Question
May I continue to find favour in your sight, my lord, for you have comforted me and spoken kindly to your servant, even though I am not one of your servants.’
Ruth to Boaz
Ruth 2:13
And now, my daughter, do not be afraid; I will do for you all that you ask, for all the assembly of my people know that you are a worthy woman.
Boaz to Ruth
Ruth 3:11
God has had me parked in Ruth for over a year now and these two verses came to mind today.
Lord have mercy on me, a sinner.
Relevant Passages
Ruth 2 - 3
Ruth to Boaz
Ruth 2:13
And now, my daughter, do not be afraid; I will do for you all that you ask, for all the assembly of my people know that you are a worthy woman.
Boaz to Ruth
Ruth 3:11
God has had me parked in Ruth for over a year now and these two verses came to mind today.
Lord have mercy on me, a sinner.
Relevant Passages
Ruth 2 - 3
30 October 2008
I have no thoughts
I'm almost afraid to have them. No, that's true. It's not "almost"...I'm totally scared spitless.
Suffice to say that I am happier and more content than I have been in a very long time and I want to stay this way. I prayed recently that "the joy may continue if You will it" and it has. And escalated. I don't know what to do. I keep wondering what I should do and what I should say and what if this and what if that....
Then I remembered that the king in the movie, The King and I ((1956)) once said to Anna, "When one does not know what to say, it is a time to be silent." I think that applies here as well. To paraphrase, When one does not know what to do, it is a time to be still.
Do not be afraid, stand firm, and see the deliverance that the Lord will accomplish for you today; for the Egyptians whom you see today you shall never see again. The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to keep still.’
Exodus 14:13-14
Trust in the Lord, and do good;
so you will live in the land, and enjoy security.
Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the Lord;
trust in him, and he will act.
He will make your vindication shine like the light,
and the justice of your cause like the noonday.
Be still before the Lord, and wait patiently for him;
do not fret over those who prosper in their way,
over those who carry out evil devices.
Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath.
Do not fret—it leads only to evil.
For the wicked shall be cut off,
but those who wait for the Lord shall inherit the land.
Psalm 37:3-9
Suffice to say that I am happier and more content than I have been in a very long time and I want to stay this way. I prayed recently that "the joy may continue if You will it" and it has. And escalated. I don't know what to do. I keep wondering what I should do and what I should say and what if this and what if that....
Then I remembered that the king in the movie, The King and I ((1956)) once said to Anna, "When one does not know what to say, it is a time to be silent." I think that applies here as well. To paraphrase, When one does not know what to do, it is a time to be still.
Do not be afraid, stand firm, and see the deliverance that the Lord will accomplish for you today; for the Egyptians whom you see today you shall never see again. The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to keep still.’
Exodus 14:13-14
Trust in the Lord, and do good;
so you will live in the land, and enjoy security.
Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the Lord;
trust in him, and he will act.
He will make your vindication shine like the light,
and the justice of your cause like the noonday.
Be still before the Lord, and wait patiently for him;
do not fret over those who prosper in their way,
over those who carry out evil devices.
Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath.
Do not fret—it leads only to evil.
For the wicked shall be cut off,
but those who wait for the Lord shall inherit the land.
Psalm 37:3-9
28 October 2008
Thoughts About Scarves
90% of the time I cover my hair. I believe it is something God has called me to do and I have done it. There are various and sundry reasons for it that I won't go into right now, but suffice to say I believe I cover by faith and that is between me and God.
Recently I've been evaluating myself and wondering if I should continue to cover and what the scarf actually means to me. What does wearing my hair out actually mean to me? So I had to think deep thoughts about this.
A few years ago when I first began this, my ex-husband said to me, "Whatever you do, do it for the glory of God. Don't make a Law out of it for yourself."
And you know, that one statement helps keep things in perspective for me in regard to the scarves I wear ((or don't wear)). So I ask myself, "Does wearing this scarf make me feel holier than other people? If I don't wear it does it mean God won't answer my prayers? If I do wear it does it mean He will overlook my sin?" None of those things are true.
I have to keep things in perspective in a way that seems right to me so that I don't start attaching my feelings/thoughts/beliefs/faith to things they should not belong to.
Relevant Verses
1 Corinthians 11:2-16
Galatians 2:16-3:29
Recently I've been evaluating myself and wondering if I should continue to cover and what the scarf actually means to me. What does wearing my hair out actually mean to me? So I had to think deep thoughts about this.
A few years ago when I first began this, my ex-husband said to me, "Whatever you do, do it for the glory of God. Don't make a Law out of it for yourself."
And you know, that one statement helps keep things in perspective for me in regard to the scarves I wear ((or don't wear)). So I ask myself, "Does wearing this scarf make me feel holier than other people? If I don't wear it does it mean God won't answer my prayers? If I do wear it does it mean He will overlook my sin?" None of those things are true.
I have to keep things in perspective in a way that seems right to me so that I don't start attaching my feelings/thoughts/beliefs/faith to things they should not belong to.
Relevant Verses
1 Corinthians 11:2-16
Galatians 2:16-3:29
21 October 2008
For Our President and Other World Leaders
"Holy God, in all humility we pray to you who are the source of wisdom, bless and grant perfect health of mind and body to our President (future President), our Governors and all the loyal leaders in our world. Direct their thoughts, Lord, in the way of Truth, that they may enact, order, and enforce those things that are pleasing to You, those things that are pure, those things that are just, tending toward all excellence and virtue. Enlighten them to govern and to lead all people in the ways of Your righteousness, + for you are holy, now, and ever, and unto the ages of ages. Amen."
20 October 2008
Moderate. Conservative. Orthodox. Christian. Pro-Life. African-American. Woman.
It's an interesting set of labels to bear during this election cycle.
16 October 2008
Advice to a Clumsy Sheep
My child, do not let these escape from your sight:
keep sound wisdom and prudence,
and they will be life for your soul
and adornment for your neck.
Then you will walk on your way securely
and your foot will not stumble.
If you lie down, you will not be afraid;
when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.
Do not be afraid of sudden panic,
or of the storm that strikes the wicked;
for the Lord will be your confidence
and will keep your foot from being caught.
Proverbs 3:21-26
Great peace have those who love your law;
nothing can make them stumble.
Psalm 119:165
His divine power has given us everything needed for life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Thus he has given us, through these things, his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may escape from the corruption that is in the world because of lust, and may become participants in the divine nature. For this very reason, you must make every effort to support your faith with goodness, and goodness with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with endurance, and endurance with godliness, and godliness with mutual affection, and mutual affection with love. For if these things are yours and are increasing among you, they keep you from being ineffective and unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For anyone who lacks these things is short-sighted and blind, and is forgetful of the cleansing of past sins. Therefore, brothers and sisters, be all the more eager to confirm your call and election, for if you do this, you will never stumble.
2 Peter 1:3-11
All emphasis mine.
God help me.
keep sound wisdom and prudence,
and they will be life for your soul
and adornment for your neck.
Then you will walk on your way securely
and your foot will not stumble.
If you lie down, you will not be afraid;
when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.
Do not be afraid of sudden panic,
or of the storm that strikes the wicked;
for the Lord will be your confidence
and will keep your foot from being caught.
Proverbs 3:21-26
Great peace have those who love your law;
nothing can make them stumble.
Psalm 119:165
His divine power has given us everything needed for life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Thus he has given us, through these things, his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may escape from the corruption that is in the world because of lust, and may become participants in the divine nature. For this very reason, you must make every effort to support your faith with goodness, and goodness with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with endurance, and endurance with godliness, and godliness with mutual affection, and mutual affection with love. For if these things are yours and are increasing among you, they keep you from being ineffective and unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For anyone who lacks these things is short-sighted and blind, and is forgetful of the cleansing of past sins. Therefore, brothers and sisters, be all the more eager to confirm your call and election, for if you do this, you will never stumble.
2 Peter 1:3-11
All emphasis mine.
God help me.
He Speaks, I Listen
God loves to speak to me though the books I am reading. Secular, religious, fiction, non-fiction, if He wants me to get it He uses a book ((or music too sometimes)). Here's a passage that leaped out at me the other day.
I think it is pretty unambiguous about my situation.
Remember how the first desire...entered into [y]our souls, how it was warm, how often and sweetly it fed the soul. At times the Lord would place upon you His blessing hand. Watch out, lest you push away from yoursel[f] God’s expectation for you. With good monasticism show yoursel[f] to be worthy of His election. Remember what indication the Lord gave you for this, in order for you to leave the world and to choose precisely this and no other convent. Watch out, therefore: do not waver in doubt, as if the place you chose was not from God, and do not be fainthearted when it seems that the Lord has turned His face from you…Watch out: do not make these labors fruitless after having already achieved that which you sought and do not lay down the armor of warfare…Here you have everything necessary for successful [sic] life but it [sic] is not acquired for free. How much it demands—sweat and pain, both inward and outward! This you know, but you also know the consolations which fall to the lot of the laborers, and you clearly see the end to which everything leads. Do not grow faint. God will not forget your labor as He did not forget the labor of others who labored for the glory of His name.
Kindling the Divine Spark, p33-34 by St Theophan the Recluse, emphasis mine although all of it applies
So... I have my "orders".
Remember each of us has his own cross which he has to carry in answer to the call of God to follow Him and upon which he has to be crucified…The Golgotha of this cross is our heart…and it is composed of different dispositions of our heart…
The lower part of the cross, which enters into the ground, on the inner cross represents self-denial which breaks the ground of the heart and implants the cross…
The upper part of the inner cross—the part which goes upwards, stands erect and extends—represents patience, that is a firmness to stand in your intention so that no obstacles, discontentment or labors can make you waver…
The horizontal section of the inner cross represents obedience: such a disposition whereby a person never undertakes or plans anything on his own but simply listens and fufills without contradiction the orders of others. The obedient one…voluntarily renounces his independence and yields himself as the implement of another.
…Each of the above-mentioned monastic virtues has, in addition to its external, stern aspect, an inner side which is alive and joyful, and which either predisposes one for it or develops from it.
Thus patience is supported by and lives in hope that monastic labor is not in vain… [H]ope nourishes patience and makes it inexhaustible. Hope fills the heart with the joy of certain possession of that for which it waits and this joy alleviates the painful effort of patience caused by labors.
Obedience is animated by love. Obedience is the renunciation of one’s own activities and reasoning—our most precious actions. One must have strength to gain mastery over himself amd deny himself these things…Only love can powerfully add sound flexibility to obedience…Where there is love, everything is done easily, quickly and willingly. Only obedience which comes from love can render joyful all the labors to which it is assigned.
Finally, mortification of oneself to the world is vivified and occasioned by the faith…that we were created for life in God…and that because of this, no one who wishes to rise again to life in God must die to himself and to the world.
Kindling the Divine Spark p52-56, St Theophan the Recluse
Lord have mercy.
13 October 2008
Happy
Landlord's knocking at my door cussing me out
Got laid off my job the night before
Can’t figure how I’m gonna fix tomorrow away
If today’s still a mess
Can u tell me what’s the point man
It all seems meaningless
I wish that I could step away and breathe
This world’s trying to swallow me
Clear away the clouds inside my head
[Chorus:] Someone just tell me That it’s ok now What are you worried about
Got my dreams, got my life, got my love
Got my friends got the sunshine above
Why am I making this hard on myself
When there’s so many beautiful reasons I have to be happy
People lie, people hide, people cry, people fight
And they don’t know why
If fear is all that we should fear
Then what are we so afraid of
Cause fear is only in our heads
[Chorus]
Any day I'll go mad thinking that
Everyone is against me and the world wants to fight me
Preparing to battle an enemy unseen
During my stressing I’m blinded to the lesson
That could be a blessing if I'd be confessing that the enemy
I’m trying to beat is hiding inside of me
But it’s ok now...what are you worrying about...
[Chorus:]
Keep your grind on girl...it’s your love, it’s your world... [Repeat 2x]
[Chorus]
What Am I Looking for Anyway?
I was talking with someone today ((about a specific topic)) and she asked me what exactly is it I am seeking from X? It put me in mind of Jesus' question to His followers after He was visited by St John the Forerunner's followers.
He asked, "What did you go out into the wilderness to see?" ((Matthew 11:7))
I don't truly know. All of a sudden I was here, in the wild, fallen among choking thorns and dry rocks, picked at by the birds ((Luke 8:4-8, 11-15)) and wondering how the heck this happened.
But what did you go out into the wilderness to see?
I don't know! I didn't expect to be here so I don't know what I expected to see. Why do you keep asking me this question?
But what did you go out into the wilderness to see?
Nothing. I didn't expect anything. I didn't expect anything good anyway. If I had any expectations. Okay, I had expectations but they were very low. It isn't called "the wilderness" for nothing. Honestly, I don't think I ever thought I would be in the wilderness in the first place. I'm a city girl. I don't like...being far from the mall...and Target...and sushi...and a good viognier.
But what did you go out into the wilderness to see?
I didn't expect to see anything but I saw my heart. I saw how my sins had overtaken me and had multiplied ((Psalm 40:12)), how deceitful it was ((Jeremiah 17:9)). But You knew that already ((1 Samuel 16:7)).
But what did you go out into the wilderness to see?
A hiding place. Although there is no place to hide from You ((Psalm 139:11-12)). I went into the wilderness to be found by You.
But what did you go out into the wilderness to see?
I went to see that I want to be found. I want to be safe and protected. I want to be brought back to the green pastures and still waters and to rest. I think that is what I went to see.
He asked, "What did you go out into the wilderness to see?" ((Matthew 11:7))
I don't truly know. All of a sudden I was here, in the wild, fallen among choking thorns and dry rocks, picked at by the birds ((Luke 8:4-8, 11-15)) and wondering how the heck this happened.
But what did you go out into the wilderness to see?
I don't know! I didn't expect to be here so I don't know what I expected to see. Why do you keep asking me this question?
But what did you go out into the wilderness to see?
Nothing. I didn't expect anything. I didn't expect anything good anyway. If I had any expectations. Okay, I had expectations but they were very low. It isn't called "the wilderness" for nothing. Honestly, I don't think I ever thought I would be in the wilderness in the first place. I'm a city girl. I don't like...being far from the mall...and Target...and sushi...and a good viognier.
But what did you go out into the wilderness to see?
I didn't expect to see anything but I saw my heart. I saw how my sins had overtaken me and had multiplied ((Psalm 40:12)), how deceitful it was ((Jeremiah 17:9)). But You knew that already ((1 Samuel 16:7)).
But what did you go out into the wilderness to see?
A hiding place. Although there is no place to hide from You ((Psalm 139:11-12)). I went into the wilderness to be found by You.
But what did you go out into the wilderness to see? I went to see that I want to be found. I want to be safe and protected. I want to be brought back to the green pastures and still waters and to rest. I think that is what I went to see.
12 October 2008
Finding Myself Real
When you find yourself in God's word, it's always a comfort. For me, it lets me know that he truly does think of me and prepares for me. When I stumbled over this psalm a few months ago, I so happy that He knew, had prepared for and understood me.
What is also a blessing is that He knows exactly how I feel about things and doesn't say, "Oh don't feel that way! Be positive!" He knows I was hurting ((still am at times but less now)) and that I wanted to cause so much pain in return. He's been there done that bought the t-shirt. A few years ago, I didn't understand that. I thought ((and was taught)) I had to be happy to be a "real" Christian. That I had to be "nice."
Such bull kept me fighting depression for years. Then I had reality dumped upon me like a load of bricks and I decided
i will not call
i'm not goin to be nice
i will raise my voice
& scream & holler
& break things & race the engine
& tell all yr secrets bout yrself to yr face...
...& i wont be sorry for none of it
i loved you on purpose
i was open on purpose
i still crave vulnerablity & close talk
& i'm not even sorry bout you bein sorry
you can carry all the guilt & grime ya wanna
just dont give it to me
i cant use another sorry
next time
you should admit
you're mean / low-down / triflin / & no count straight out
steada bein sorry alla the time
enjoy bein yrself
That was from For Colored Girls Who've Considered Suicide When the Rainbow is Enuf by Ntozake Shange.
This is from King David:
Give ear to my prayer, O God;
do not hide yourself from my supplication.
Attend to me, and answer me;
I am troubled in my complaint.
I am distraught by the noise of the enemy,
because of the clamour of the wicked.
For they bring trouble upon me,
and in anger they cherish enmity against me.
My heart is in anguish within me,
the terrors of death have fallen upon me.
Fear and trembling come upon me,
and horror overwhelms me.
And I say, ‘O that I had wings like a dove!
I would fly away and be at rest;
truly, I would flee far away;
I would lodge in the wilderness;
from the raging wind and tempest...’
...It is not enemies who taunt me—
I could bear that;
it is not adversaries who deal insolently with me—
I could hide from them.
But it is you, my equal,
my companion, my familiar friend,
with whom I kept pleasant company;
we walked in the house of God with the throng.
Let death come upon them;
let them go down alive to Sheol;
for evil is in their homes and in their hearts.
But I call upon God,
and the Lord will save me.
Evening and morning and at noon
I utter my complaint and moan,
and he will hear my voice.
He will redeem me unharmed
from the battle that I wage,
for many are arrayed against me.
God, who is enthroned from of old,
because they do not change,
and do not fear God.
My companion laid hands on a friend
and violated a covenant with me
with speech smoother than butter,
but with a heart set on war;
with words that were softer than oil,
but in fact were drawn swords.
Cast your burden on the Lord,
and he will sustain you;
he will never permit
the righteous to be moved.
But you, O God, will cast them down
into the lowest pit;
the bloodthirsty and treacherous
shall not live out half their days.
But I will trust in you.
Psalm 55
What is also a blessing is that He knows exactly how I feel about things and doesn't say, "Oh don't feel that way! Be positive!" He knows I was hurting ((still am at times but less now)) and that I wanted to cause so much pain in return. He's been there done that bought the t-shirt. A few years ago, I didn't understand that. I thought ((and was taught)) I had to be happy to be a "real" Christian. That I had to be "nice."
Such bull kept me fighting depression for years. Then I had reality dumped upon me like a load of bricks and I decided
i will not call
i'm not goin to be nice
i will raise my voice
& scream & holler
& break things & race the engine
& tell all yr secrets bout yrself to yr face...
...& i wont be sorry for none of it
i loved you on purpose
i was open on purpose
i still crave vulnerablity & close talk
& i'm not even sorry bout you bein sorry
you can carry all the guilt & grime ya wanna
just dont give it to me
i cant use another sorry
next time
you should admit
you're mean / low-down / triflin / & no count straight out
steada bein sorry alla the time
enjoy bein yrself
That was from For Colored Girls Who've Considered Suicide When the Rainbow is Enuf by Ntozake Shange.
This is from King David:
Give ear to my prayer, O God;
do not hide yourself from my supplication.
Attend to me, and answer me;
I am troubled in my complaint.
I am distraught by the noise of the enemy,
because of the clamour of the wicked.
For they bring trouble upon me,
and in anger they cherish enmity against me.
My heart is in anguish within me,
the terrors of death have fallen upon me.
Fear and trembling come upon me,
and horror overwhelms me.
And I say, ‘O that I had wings like a dove!
I would fly away and be at rest;
truly, I would flee far away;
I would lodge in the wilderness;
Selah
I would hurry to find a shelter for myself
from the raging wind and tempest...’
...It is not enemies who taunt me—
I could bear that;
it is not adversaries who deal insolently with me—
I could hide from them.
But it is you, my equal,
my companion, my familiar friend,
with whom I kept pleasant company;
we walked in the house of God with the throng.
Let death come upon them;
let them go down alive to Sheol;
for evil is in their homes and in their hearts.
But I call upon God,
and the Lord will save me.
Evening and morning and at noon
I utter my complaint and moan,
and he will hear my voice.
He will redeem me unharmed
from the battle that I wage,
for many are arrayed against me.
God, who is enthroned from of old,
Selah
will hear, and will humble them—
because they do not change,
and do not fear God.
My companion laid hands on a friend
and violated a covenant with me
with speech smoother than butter,
but with a heart set on war;
with words that were softer than oil,
but in fact were drawn swords.
Cast your burden on the Lord,
and he will sustain you;
he will never permit
the righteous to be moved.
But you, O God, will cast them down
into the lowest pit;
the bloodthirsty and treacherous
shall not live out half their days.
But I will trust in you.
Psalm 55
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