The dEǝЯDeRe-Construction of Me, Part 6 - Spiritual but Not Religious?

Once upon a time I did not understand folks who said "I'm spiritual but not religious". I honestly thought it was a cop out of the highest order. Then there was a Pugilistic Pandemonium and tfog was POTUS and OH MY GOD never in my life have I seen so much anti-Christianity displayed, lauded, and praised by so many people claiming the Name. 

What do I mean? Well...There's the triumphalism, colonization, nationalism, and appropriation; the blatant white supremacy and racism; the greed; the misogyny and misogynoir; the patriarchy; the clericalism; the glorification of violence and the gun worship; the science denialism; the conspiracy theories; the disdain for the poor; the sheer unabashed and unchecked hatred of those who are not cisgendered or heterosexual; the leadership who are supposed to keep that shit in check NOT doing so and encouraging it even when they get members of their congregation calling them out for not doing so (#iykyk); and finally and especially the really, really bad theology used and abused to justify all of the above.

Like...duuuuude. 

Not cool. Not cool at all. 

So I'm pretty much just done with the Christian denominations I've had personal and intimate (see definition #4) experience with, ranging from (and in no particular order) Assemblies of God to Southern Baptist to Presbyterian to Methodist to Charismatic Evangelical Protestant to Eastern Orthodox - Antiochian to Eastern Orthodox - Greek. I've been some flavor of Christian all of my life, even when I thought I wasn't.

Wait...no. That is incorrect and incomplete. 

I am done with Christianity. Period. Done with it as a religion. Done with it as a way of life. Done with it as the arbiter of what I believe is good and right. Done with it. In the words Mahatma Gandhi supposedly said, "I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ." And, yes, while Gandhi was problematic in his own right that doesn't make this statement any less defining of my current experience.

And no, my choice is not because I "wasn't worshipping the real God" or that I was "mistaking "men" for God" or any of the other gaslighting, abusive nonsense folks like to use on people who leave the church as if you will get brownie points for keeping folks from exercising their free will. I'm not that stupid and I honestly do not appreciate the assumption that I am. If you have gotten this far with me and think I am seriously that dumb what does that say abut you? Think about it while you go someplace else with that bullshit.

Moving forward. 

So where does that leave me? Are you kidding? There is a whole flipping 93 billion light year sized UNIVERSE out there! And that's just be bit we can see! Which means there is SO much more to see and experience out side of the box I put myself in out of unfounded fear (more on that later), trying to get a guy to like me, and in an attempt to please so many people who literally do not give a rat's fuzzy patootie about me. 

I think...I am spiritual...but not religious. Hm. Kewl. 

~stretches~ It's SO good to be out of this box. It's ADVENTURE TIME!

Relevant Reading

What the heck?

America's Non-religious are a growing, diverse phenomenon

Did he say it? 

The dEǝЯDeRe-Construction of Me, Part 5

"..it is better to speak, remembering..."

 A Litany for Survival

For those of us who live at the shoreline 

standing upon the constant edges of decision 

crucial and alone 

for those of us who cannot indulge

the passing dreams of choice 

who love in doorways coming and going 

in the hours between dawns looking inward and outward 

at once before and after 

seeking a now that can breed 

futures 

like bread in our children’s mouths 

so their dreams will not reflect 

the death of ours; 

For those of us 

who were imprinted with fear 

like a faint line in the center of our foreheads 

learning to be afraid with our mother’s milk 

for by this weapon 

this illusion of some safety to be found 

the heavy-footed hoped to silence us 

For all of us 

this instant and this triumph 

We were never meant to survive. 

And when the sun rises we are afraid 

it might not remain 

when the sun sets we are afraid 

it might not rise in the morning 

when our stomachs are full we are afraid 

of indigestion 

when our stomachs are empty we are afraid 

we may never eat again 

when we are loved 

we are afraid 

love will vanish 

when we are alone we are afraid 

love will never return 

and when we speak we are afraid 

our words will not be heard 

nor welcomed 

but when we are silent 

we are still afraid 

So it is better to speak 

remembering 

we were never meant to survive. 

Copyright © 1978 by Audre Lorde, from The Collected Poems of Audre Lorde by Audre Lorde. Copyright © 1997 by the Audre Lorde Estate. Used by permission of W. W. Norton & Company, Inc.

Relevant Reading

A Litany for Survival

Audre Lorde

Bibliography

Relentless Joy

She was happy to be alive. 

Me, Hawaii 2023

She didn’t have millions in the bank. 

She wasn’t at the top of the corporate ladder and still her deepest 

dreams, though she pursued them, 

hadn't yet come true. But still 

she was happy to be alive. 

She had people to love; a roof over her head;

she had all the essentials for living;

water, gas electricity, food;

she could appreciate the flowers blooming,

the sun beaming and the skies blessing.

She had good books to read. 

She spoke to the moon at night.

She often had a good sing in the shower.

And she lived her life with a touch of her own style. 

The world’s mindless noise went quiet at the

sight of her relentless joy.” 

~ S.C. Lourie

Yeah.

Relentless joy.

After a decade and a half of survival mode living, I'm finding joy more and more often.

I'm going to spread it around thick and sweet, dripping like honey on warm bread.

Relevant Reading

S.C. Lourie

The dEǝЯDeRe-Construction of Me, Part 5 - The Series Continues!

In a lot of ways the "apophatic way" is the only theology that makes sense. It also seems to be at the heart of the "deconstruction movement". This is nothing new, it is "The Way" of theology from the beginning...  

...Indeed, we have the Incarnation as the revelation of God, however the Incarnation itself is beyond understanding. God is ontologically unknowable to the human being, however economically God has "revealed Himself unto us" as we chant in Matins every morning. The issue is confusing economia with ontology which is a distinction unknown to many/most people who are finding out their concepts of God are inadequate, contradictory, oppressive, lacking, or no longer useful to their spiritual progress. 

~ Steve Robinson

What he said.

All of this is true (big words not withstanding). It is impossible to know if God exists or if They do not exist. "God is ontologically unknowable'" They cannot be proven or disproven using the scientific method.

And that is important. 

Frankly, trying to force my belief (or non-belief) to be scientifically provable is delusional on my part. As physicist Sabine Hossenfedler says, "If your belief conflicts with empirically confirmed knowledge, then you are not seeking meaning, you are delusional" (Existential Physics, xvii). And I agree. It makes no sense to try to force 14 billion years into 6,000. What's the point of that? It's stupid. And I am many things but stupid I ain't.

Justifiable critique of atheistic scholasticism aside, there is nothing wrong with being a human who believes in things that are not scientifically provable. Saying "I don't know" is not the unforgivable sin. The things I do not know, as my mom would say, would create a whole new universe.

Once upon a time I embarked on a journey to figure out what I believe. It began when I was in high school, progressed through university, marriage, divorce, motherhood, a new degree, no money, less money, more money...Just...life. Life teaches. Life either hardens or softens and I know I have both hard and soft places in me. I have no idea if God is hardening those places in me or not, a la Pharaoh and everyone else They decided to harden for <reasons>.

I have learned, though, that I won't sacrifice my brain to a system that tells me I can't ask questions, that I ask the wrong questions or that can't stand up to being questioned and sadly, a lot of American Christianity demands this sort of unquestioning, lockstep blindness to reality. And it literally does not matter what flavor of American Christianity it is -- United States ev-Protestantism is the loudest culprit but United States Orthodoxy and United States Catholicism are there with it (yes, I know that's a generalization). I can't with that. (I do not about Judaism or Islam or <insert belief system/religion I do not know about here> and not knowing I cannot say.)

So I guess we have that settled. What I believe/know must be able to be questioned. If questions are not allowed then said system is straight out into the nearest dumpster. 

Someone might ask...Am I trying to bend Christianity into something else? My response can be best characterized by the following:

Kombucha Girl

I have the feeling that I may have to begin to look outside traditional religious expression here in the United States. And that's not a bad thing, IMO.

Relevant Reading
Closer To Truth ep1103: Why Believe in God? - approx 20 min

Existential Physics, Sabine Hossenfelder - 

How Does the Bible teach 6000 years? - Citation =/= belief

Kombucha Girl

The dEǝЯDeRe-Construction of Me, Part 4