It is my grief that the right hand of the Most High has changed

The darkness which you have, my child, comes both from nature and from the tempter. Both are healed by the arrival of God's grace. For this reason, entreat God to give you sobriety and the ability to remember good things and forget bad things. When you persist, little by little the grace of God will help you.

~ Elder Ephraim of the Holy Mountain

I cry aloud to God,
   aloud to God, that he may hear me.
In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord;
   in the night my hand is stretched out without wearying;
   my soul refuses to be comforted.
I think of God, and I moan;
   I meditate, and my spirit faints.
          Selah


You keep my eyelids from closing;
   I am so troubled that I cannot speak.
I consider the days of old,
   and remember the years of long ago.
I commune with my heart in the night;
   I meditate and search my spirit:
‘Will the Lord spurn for ever,
   and never again be favourable?
Has his steadfast love ceased for ever?
   Are his promises at an end for all time?
Has God forgotten to be gracious?
   Has he in anger shut up his compassion?’
          Selah
And I say, ‘It is my grief
   that the right hand of the Most High has changed.’

I will call to mind the deeds of the Lord;
   I will remember your wonders of old.
I will meditate on all your work,
   and muse on your mighty deeds.
Your way, O God, is holy.
   What god is so great as our God?
You are the God who works wonders;
   you have displayed your might among the peoples.
With your strong arm you redeemed your people,
   the descendants of Jacob and Joseph.
          Selah



When the waters saw you, O God,
   when the waters saw you, they were afraid;
   the very deep trembled.
The clouds poured out water;
   the skies thundered;
   your arrows flashed on every side.
The crash of your thunder was in the whirlwind;
   your lightnings lit up the world;
   the earth trembled and shook.
Your way was through the sea,
   your path, through the mighty waters;
   yet your footprints were unseen.
You led your people like a flock
   by the hand of Moses and Aaron.
~ Psalm 77



Relevant Reading
Ephraim of Philotheou
Psalm 77

BEWARE!!

Apparently, I'm DANGEROUS and should not be allowed around certain children.

Yeah. My sentiments exactly. LOL! At first I was annoyed but now I just find it hilarious. LOL!

Lord have mercy on me, a sinner!

What If...?

What if nothing is wrong?

What if the pain, the frustration, the disappointment, the irritation, the injustice is purposeful?

What if where I am right now is exactly where God intends for me to be?

What if there is nothing to fix because this is what God has for me right now?

What then?

Can I accept it?

Will I accept it?

Or will I waste the pain?

I know that you have many sorrows and much...unpleasantness. But tell and enlighten yourself with the remembrance that in hell it is much worse, more wearying and doleful, and there is no hope of deliverance from it. If a person endures sorrows with submission to God’s will, confessing his sins, then he will through this be delivered from eternal torments. Therefore we had better endure unpleasantries here, no matter how difficult they are, turning our grief over to God and praying to Him with humility that He deliver us from faintheartedness and despair, which are the worst of all sins.

~ Elder Ambrose of Optina

If you want to serve God, prepare your heart not for food, not for drink, not for rest, not for ease, but for suffering, so that you may endure all temptations, trouble and sorrow. Prepare for severities, fasts, spiritual struggles and many afflictions, for "by many afflictions is it appointed to us to enter the Kingdom of Heaven" (Acts 14,22); "The Heavenly Kingdom is taken by force, and the who use force seize it". (Matt 11:12) 

~ St. Sergius of Radonezh, Life, 10

Lord have mercy on me, a sinner.

Relevant Reading
Acts 14:22
Matthew 11:7-15

Advice from My Saint to a Prince

"...You were right to come to me," she said; "with God's aid, I am certain I can help you. No matter what trials He sends us, if we have faith in Him and confidence in our prayers, He will give us the strength to bear them. When doubt assails you, do not despair - kneel before an icon of the Savior and pray; you will feel better at once. The tears you have just shed came from your heart. Always be guided by your heart rather than by your head, and your life will be transformed. Happiness does not consist in living in a palace or enjoying a large fortune; these can be lost. True happiness is something that neither men nor events can take from you. You will find it in Faith, in Hope and in Charity. Try to make those around you happy, and you will be happy yourself."

"..."Don't worry," she said, "I know more about you than you think. That is why I am so much interested in you. Anyone who is capable of doing much evil is also capable of doing much good, if he sets about it in the right way. No matter bow serious the offense, it is redeemed by sincere repentance, Remember, the only thing that defiles the soul is spiritual sin; it can remain pure in spite of carnal weaknesses. It is your soul that I am thinking of, and I want to lay it open to you. Fate has given you everything that a man could wish; you have received much, and much will be asked of you. Do not forget your responsibilities; you must set an example and earn the respect of others. The trials you are going through will teach you that life is not just a pastime. Think of all the good you can do! And all the evil! I have prayed much for you, and believe that Our Lord will hear me and help you."

~ Grand Duchess and Holy New Martyr of Russia, St Elizabeth Fyodorovna to Prince Felix Yussupov 

Lost Spendor, The Memoirs of Prince Yussupov, Chapter XIII

St Elizabeth is remembered on 5 July and she is my patron. Happy (Belated) Name Day to me! She was the granddaughter of  Queen Victoria and married Grand Duke Sergei Alexandrovich of the Russian Imperial family just before the Revolution. She converted to Orthodoxy from Lutheranism not long after her marriage after watching him and the rest of the family, and reading about the faith. St Elizabeth's younger sister, Alexandra, married Tsar Nicholas.

The Grand Duchess is a model to me of forgiveness and in displaying humility, acceptance, and mercy. I am so remiss in all those things. For example, her husband was assassinated by a bomb lobbed into his car by a terrorist (1905), outside the building where she was doing charity work. The blast was so powerful that the Grand Duke's fingers (with the rings still on) were found on the roof of a nearby building. The Grand Duchess heard the blast and ran outside. When she saw what happened, she gathered up the pieces of her husband's body herself and had them taken to her private chapel where she prayed for hours before going to clean the blood from her hands and change her clothes. After the funeral, she went to the prison where the assassin was kept and forgave him for the murder of her husband. After she left him, she petitioned the Tsar (her brother in law) not to execute the man. After this she withdrew from imperial social life and concentrated on charity work. Eventually she became a nun, founding St Mary and Martha Convent where the sisters could concentrate on working AND listening to God.

Like the rest of the imperial family, St Elizabeth was imprisoned and martyred by the revolutionaries in 1918. She was taken from her convent, along with another nun, St Barbara. According to reports, at no time did she rail against her captors but she always prayed for them and spent her time comforting the other members of the family with whom she was arrested.

I love reading Elizabeth's story. Like myself she was a convert and her journey to Orthodoxy was very similar to my own in some ways. Her words always inspired me and her life as it is recorded is a marvelous example. I'm sure I am a constant annoyance to her--I fall constantly but through the prayers of St Elizabeth I am able to stand and try again.

Rejoice, thou who didst deem mercy greater than sacrifice;
Rejoice, thou who prayest for sinners and penitents!
Rejoice, thou who didst bear thy cross to a new Golgotha
Rejoice, thou who didst not reject the crown of thorns offered thee!
Rejoice, thou didst put jealousy to flight
Rejoice, thou who reprovest thou who fall away from truth and grace!
Rejoice, thou who didst not set the love of family above the love of God
Rejoice, thou who didst fulfill the words of Christ!
Rejoice, thou who didst seek out the good in every man
Rejoice, thou who was sent unto Russia, to turn her away from evil to the good!
Rejoice, thou who dost ever cry out to Christ: Lord, have mercy
Rejoice, thou who standest invisible in our midst as we pray!

Ikos 2 of the Akathist to St Elizabeth New Martyr

Holy St Elizabeth, pray to God for me, a sinner!

Relevant Reading
A Short Life of St Elizabeth
An Account of the Murder of the Grand Duchess Elizabeth
Akathist Hymn To The Holy Martyred Nun Elizabeth