Today I Sent Back a DVD

So today I was going to watch this DVD that I'd been so looking forward to seeing. It was recommended by someone I trust and have a lot in common with and so I thought I would really enjoy it.

Then it showed up.

I put it in the DVD player.

Intro scene...angels being killed in a very bloody manner. Then a half naked extremely female angel hanging from a cross. Then a guy being beat to a bloody pulp on a street corner.

Yeah. I packed that one up right quick and sent it back.

Why do they even make stuff like that? Yeesh.

Answered

No Fun?

"...Time spent is part of living...Slowness, ripening, slowness, dancing; happiness spent in doing, smelling, understanding. If everything is all the time instantaneous, prompt and sudden, then no one is having any time to enjoy! Life becomes a plethora, a glut, a surfeit of instantaneous amusements barely leavening the job, the task, the thing-to-get-through-somehow that life becomes. Who would live a do this, do that, right now, hurry up, finish, all the time finish? Such life has no peace. It is a disease!"
Walking Sunshine, The Companions, p434

I am so very tired of people telling me I can't/shouldn't/need to wait/need to reconsider doing anything fun.

For years as a kid, my parents, God bless 'em, told me we couldn't do this that or the other thing for various and sundry reasons. Mainly money.

For years, my ex-husband told me we couldn't do this that or the other thing for various and sundry reasons. Mainly money.

And now I have friends who tell me I shouldn't do this that or the other thing for various and sundry reasons. Mainly money.

Good grief!! When do I get to have some fun? Is life supposed to be all toil-and-work-and- goal-setting-and-what's-the-next-thing-on-The-List-that-needs-to-be-crossed-off-before- anyone-can-do-anything-they-want-to-do-as-long-as-it's-"practical"? I am so sick and tired of hearing that what I want to do is impractical or not timely or whatever other excuse people want to dredge up for me to NOT do something I've dreamed about doing for years.

I'm tired of hearing "No" when it doesn't come from God.

Yes indeed, the Lord might drop Disney tickets with a 5 night stay at an exclusive resort in my lap as His way of telling me "Yes, this is My will for you." Then again He might also pave the way for me to save the money and buy the tickets and go.

Yes, indeed, the Lord might send the perfect dog to me that won't cost me anything but pats on the head and a few doggie biscuits. Then again He might also not stand in the way as I save my money to rescue a dog that might otherwise be put down just because it was #56 and only dogs from 1-55 were adopted before the cut off.

Can't a girl have a little bit of legitimate fun sometimes? Yeesh.

Confessed

O Almighty and Merciful God, I truly thank thee for the forgiveness of my sins; bless me O Lord, and help me always, that I may ever do that which is pleasing to Thee, and sin no more. Amen.

“If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins.”
1 John 1:8, 9

Confession today. As always, when Fr laid his epitrachelion over me, I truly felt the weight of my sins was lifted and tomorrow at Eucharist I will probably cry. Fr doesn't deny anyone Eucharist just because one hasn't confessed recently, but every time I take Communion after confession, I can tell a difference in me. I wish I could keep that "clean" feeling always but I know I will tarnish myself within a day or so. Heck I have already done so.

Interesting. My first instinct is to say, "But that's okay". The thing is, it's not okay. It's not alright that the tarnish will come. That is not what I, what any of us who bear the image of God Himself, should be resigned to. I don't want to say "But that's okay." God never intended for the pinnacle of His creation to be "okay" with their sin. We aren't supposed to live with it because, hey we're only human and that's what we do. La lala lala.

Sin is death. It's a horrible horrible thing. It corrupts everything. Nothing sinful, read as "full of sin" is good. Nothing good can come of being in sin. Nothing. Sin is death. That particular death isn't just "not breathing anymore" but is separation from the Living God. Having He Who put the galaxies and stars in motion forget about me.

About the last thing in the world I want is for the Lord to forget me. What else is Hell be but being forgotten by That Which is Good in all of Existence? And I can create this for myself simply by being "okay with" those things He says He wants to forget.

Lord have mercy. I've thought about it and I honestly do not think I would even wish that on someone I revile most in the world.

Thank you, Father, for the sacrament of Confession. Help me to truly turn from my sins, not thing that they are "okay," and to seek to please You and You only. Amen.

Relevant Verses
Genesis 1:26
1 John 1:8,9

Jumping Off

“It is better, seeing your poverty, to always reproach yourself and fall down before the Lord with humility, rather than look at your improvement. Maintain the middle, humble path, and do not ascend prematurely to a higher path, beyond your strength. Seeing your own (spiritual) poverty, do not reproach anyone, do not condemn, consider yourself to be the least, and when you receive reproach and scorn from someone, consider yourself to be worthy of it.”
St. Macarius of Optina

Someone asked me why I put quotes and the like at the top of my blog posts. In fact sometimes they are the blog post. I do it because I'm trying not to rely on myself so much. God has said that there is wisdom in many wise counselors. The quotes I list are often jumping off points for me, a reliable place of wisdom that I can come back to if, once I make that leap of faith, I realize that I'm off course. Kind of a road sign saying, "Hey! You're off course! The path is over here!"

As Lent approaches, and I'm trying to get into a place where I can hear God, I'm realizing He is showing me what I should be concentrating on over the next couple of months. He gently shows me by what I read, what catches my attention and lingers in my heart, where He wants my focus to be. Many times the quotes I post are from reading I am doing that is herding me into the direction the Shepherd wants me to go. I am His sheep after all and He knows where the green pastures and still waters are. These quotes are His staff and rod for me and when I follow them, the path is safe and peaceful.

The quotes also give me something to say when I should just zip it. ~grin~

“I have often repented of having spoken, but never of having been silent.”
Abba Arsenius

Amen, Abba, amen!

Relevant Verses
Proverbs 11:14
Proverbs 15:2, 5, 7, 12, 14, 22, 28, 33
Psalm 23
Psalm 119:24

For I Have More...I Fear No More

Wilt Thou forgive that sin where I begun,

Which was my sin, though it were done before?
Wilt Thou forgive that sin, through which I run,
And do run still, though still I do deplore?
When Thou hast done, Thou hast not done,
For I have more.

Wilt Thou forgive that sin which I have won
Others to sin, and made my sin their door?
Wilt Thou forgive that sin which I did shun
A year or two, but wallowed in a score?
When Thou hast done, Thou hast not done,
For I have more.

I have a sin of fear, that when I have spun
My last thread, I shall perish on the shore ;
But swear by Thyself, that at my death Thy Son
Shall shine as he shines now, and heretofore ;
And having done that, Thou hast done ;
I fear no more.

John Donne, "A Hymn to God the Father"

I am looking forward to Great Lent this year. Each year I "give up" something and find myself so blessed at the end of that. Last year was my first Great Lent as an Orthodox Christian so I did not do much "extra". This year, with the blessing of Fr Nicholas, I have a few things in mind to choose from. This is not instead of the usual Lenten fast, but in addition to. For my personal growth if you will.