Help My Unbelief

Lord I believe! Help my unbelief!
Mark 9:24

If this isn't one of the most "real" prayers recorded in the Bible, I don't know what is.

I wrestle so much with unbelief and not even unbelief that has a sign on it saying, "Hi, My Name is Unbelief". Nothing so obvious as that but subtle things like worrying when I see something coming in the future--a bill or obligation, or wondering what will become of "things" if X happens. It's insidious and so "normal" that I barely recognize it for what it is.

Lack of faith.

Unbelief.

Fear.

All those things the Lord has told us not to indulge in.

Lord, I believe! Help thou my unbelief! Have mercy on me, a sinner.

Yes

Watch your thoughts, they become words.
Watch your words, they become actions.
Watch your actions, they become habits.
Watch your habits, they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes...your destiny.

'Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle'.

To Write Love on Her Arms

"The stars are always there but we miss them in the dirt and clouds. We miss them in the storms. Tell them to remember hope. We have hope."
From To Write Love on Her Arms
...[w]e also boast in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us.
Romans 5:3-5

Hope is something I've not paid much attention to over the years. Honestly, I have lost my hope due to circumstances I find myself in. Some of those circumstances are of my own making--they might be called "consequences" in many cases. In other cases they are the results of someone else's choices or just life happening in ways I would prefer it not happen.

Regardless, I let go of hope because I didn't see any point in it. I honestly think it has been years since I've even thought about what I hope for. It's mostly been about focusing on what I can do to produce and being rather fatalistic when things happen ((or don't happen)). Suffice to say such an attitude doesn't produce a lot of gratefulness either.

Lately however things have been different. Just over the past few months, really, I've been feeling, well, hopeful. As in "full of hope". It's as if all the drama of the last year literally broke my heart and the softening ripened into something that produced this rather delicate flowering of hope in my life again. For the present and future of my son, for my household. For myself.

The Lord spoke to me once back in September 2007:

Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed;
do not be discouraged, for you will not suffer disgrace;
for you will forget the shame of your youth,
and the disgrace of your widowhood you will remember no more.
⁵For your Maker is your husband,
the Lord of hosts is his name;
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer,
the God of the whole earth he is called.
⁶For the Lord has called you
like a wife forsaken and grieved in spirit,
like the wife of a man’s youth when she is cast off,
says your God.

O afflicted one, storm-tossed, and not comforted,
I am about to set your stones in antimony,
and lay your foundations with sapphires.
¹²I will make your pinnacles of rubies,
your gates of jewels,
and all your wall of precious stones.
¹³All your children shall be taught by the Lord,
and great shall be the prosperity of your children.
¹⁴In righteousness you shall be established;
you shall be far from oppression, for you shall not fear;
and from terror, for it shall not come near you.
Isaiah 54:4-6, 11-14

I hope I can be made worthy of this treasure. Lord, forgive me for losing my hope and thank you for bringing it back to me.

Relevant Verses
Isaiah 54
Luke 1:45

It's Gabriel's Other Feast Day!

Apolytikion in the Fourth Tone

O Commanders of the Heavenly Host, we the unworthy beseech you, that through your entreaties you will fortify us, guarding us in the shelter of the wings of your ethereal glory, even as we fervently bow before you crying: "Deliver us from all danger, as Commanders of the Powers on high!

Kontakion in the Second Tone

Chief Commanders of God; ministers of divine glory; guides for men and leadership of the Incorporeal; as Chief Commanders of the Incorporeal, plead for our welfare and for great mercy.

All the Angels, according to the Apostle Paul, are ministering spirits, - sent forth to minister to them who shall be heirs of salvation - (Heb. 1:14). God set them as overseers of every nation and people, and guides to that which is profitable (Deut. 32:8); and while one Angel is appointed to oversee each nation as a whole, one is also appointed to protect each Christian individually. He commands them to guard them that hope on Him, that nothing should harm them, neither should any evil draw nigh to their dwelling (Ps. 90:10-12).

In the Heavens they always behold the face of God, sending up to Him the thrice-holy hymn and interceding with Him in our behalf, seeing they rejoice over one sinner that repents (Esaias 6:2-3; Matt. 18:10; Luke 15:7). In a word, they have served God in so many ways for our benefit, that the pages of Holy Scripture are filled with the histories thereof.

It is for these reasons that the Orthodox Catholic Church, wisely honouring these divine ministers, our protectors and guardians, celebrates today the present Synaxis that is, our coming together in assembly for their common feast to chant their praises, especially for the Archangels Michael and Gabriel, who are mentioned in the Scriptures by name. The name Michael means "Who is like God?" and Gabriel means "God is mighty."

The number of Angels is not defined in the divine Scriptures, where Daniel says that thousands of thousands ministered before Him, and ten thousands of ten thousands attended upon Him -(Dan. 7:10). But all of them are divided into nine orders which are called Thrones, Cherubim, Seraphim, Dominions, Powers, Authorities, Principalities, Archangels, and Angels.
GOARCH Chapel

Many Years, Gabriel!

Avoiding the Easy Path

“Hereafter you will consider that everything that happens to you , both great and small, is sent by God to help you in your warfare. He alone knows what is necessary for you and what you need at the moment: adversity and prosperity, temptation and fall. Nothing happens accidentally or in such a way that you cannot learn from it; you must understand this at once, for this is how your trust grows in the Lord whom you have chosen to follow.”
Way of the Ascetics by Tito Colliander

Long ago, John F. Kennedy proposed that America go to the moon, not because it was easy but because it would be difficult, and that was the gift:...the opportunity to do something so difficult that she'd be stretched to her limits, feel her own possibilities, find something in herself to rejoice in...[T]here were many things one could not control...and that knowledge dictated an ireon-willed insitence that what could be controlled must be brought to perfection.
DW Yarbrough in The Sparrow by Maria Doria Russell

Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the road is easy that leads to destruction, and there are many who take it. For the gate is narrow and the road is hard that leads to life, and there are few who find it.
Matthew 7:13-14

The more difficult my life has been, the more likely I am to work at making it right. When things are easy, I get slack and stuff goes all wacky. Probably because I begin to focus on myself which is rarely a good thing. Every time I get "all about Beth", I end up making bad decisions, doing something random and stupid, having to backtrack, repent, ask forgiveness, make reparations. Never a fun time.

The thing is, sometimes I look at what seems to be laid out for me to do and I feel like I just can't do it. Then I end up doing all kinds of stupid things just to avoid what looks hard, up to and including sabotaging myself sometimes. How sick is that? It would be so much less complicated to just do whatever it is and get it over with than to go round Robin's barn, making myself miserable in the process of being just plain lazy.

What really bakes my noodle later is when I finally finish jumping through all those stupid flaming hoops I've set up for myself and I do what needed doing in the first place and realize it was simple after all.

So why all the fear? What in the world is my problem?

Hm. What in the world is my problem?

In the world.

That's my problem.

I need to remember that working itself is a prayer, recall the first thing God did after creating Adam and Eve was give them work and purpose: look after the earth and the animals and plants. So, if I am to pray without ceasing, then shouldn't that include words and actions?

But this isn't just about the job but everything. Everything should be done to the glory of God. That is the only work we truly have. That being the case then everything that is not done for His glory is going to be...Harder than it needs to be. Way harder than it would be if I wasn't trying to hold it from Him and not accept His help, that is.

All that just to say to myself, "STOP PROCRASTINATING YA DINGBAT!!!!!!!!!!"

Relevant Verses
1 Thessalonians 5:14-22
Genesis 1:27-28

The Speech

If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible; who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time; who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer....

...Let us resist the temptation to fall back on the same partisanship and pettiness and immaturity that has poisoned our politics for so long. Let us remember that it was a man from this state who first carried the banner of the Republican Party to the White House - a party founded on the values of self-reliance, individual liberty, and national unity. Those are values we all share, and while the Democratic Party has won a great victory tonight, we do so with a measure of humility and determination to heal the divides that have held back our progress. As Lincoln said to a nation far more divided than ours, We are not enemies, but friends, though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection. And to those Americans whose support I have yet to earn - I may not have won your vote, but I hear your voices, I need your help, and I will be your President too.

And to all those watching tonight from beyond our shores, from parliaments and palaces to those who are huddled around radios in the forgotten corners of our world - our stories are singular, but our destiny is shared, and a new dawn of American leadership is at hand. To those who would tear this world down - we will defeat you. To those who seek peace and security - we support you. And to all those who have wondered if Americas beacon still burns as bright - tonight we proved once more that the true strength of our nation comes not from our the might of our arms or the scale of our wealth, but from the enduring power of our ideals: democracy, liberty, opportunity, and unyielding hope.

For that is the true genius of America - that America can change. Our union can be perfected. And what we have already achieved gives us hope for what we can and must achieve tomorrow....

...America, we have come so far. We have seen so much. But there is so much more to do. So tonight, let us ask ourselves - if our children should live to see the next century; if my daughters should be so lucky to live as long as Ann Nixon Cooper, what change will they see? What progress will we have made?

This is our chance to answer that call. This is our moment. This is our time - to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American Dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth - that out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope, and where we are met with cynicism, and doubt, and those who tell us that we cant, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people:

Yes We Can. Thank you, God bless you, and may God Bless the United States of America.

Barack Obama, Victory Speech 4 November 2008

FoxNews Raw Data

Unexpected Joy

Oh my God.

Honestly, I am crying. And not because a democrat won.

Because America has elected a black man as president.

I never ever expected that in my lifetime.

Lord have mercy, Lord have mercy, Lord have mercy. Lord grant wisdom. On him. On us. On me.

But I would be lying if I wasn't feeling totally and completely and unexpectedly joyful about this.

ETA: Yes I did wake Gabriel for this

"Stand In The Rain" It's My Theme Song

She never slows down.
She doesn't know why but she knows that when she's all alone,
feels like its all coming down
She won't turn around.
The shadows are long and she fears if she cries that first tear,
the tears will not stop raining down

[CHORUS]
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, whats lost can be found
You stand in the rain

She won't make a sound
Alone in this fight with herself and the fears whispering
if she stands she'll fall down
She wants to be found
The only way out is through everything she's running from
wants to give up and lie down.

[CHORUS]
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, whats lost can be found
You stand in the rain

So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
Stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, whats lost can be found

[CHORUS]
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, whats lost can be found
You stand in the rain

See also Beauty from Pain

It's NOT Somebody Else's Problem

"An SEP," he said, "is something that we can't see, or don't see, or our brain doesn't let us see, because we think that it's somebody else's problem. That's what SEP means. Somebody Else's Problem. The brain just edits it out, it's like a blind spot. If you look at it directly you won't see it unless you know precisely what it is. Your only hope is to catch it by surprise out of the corner of your eye."
Ford Prefect, Life the Universe & Everything

This election is definitely all of our problem. Make no mistake, no matter which way it falls at midnight, something is going to be different. Someone new with new policies and new ideas and new ways of doing things will be preparing to take over the highest office in this country. And, regardless of the recent decline in US popularity globally, this man will still walk among the most powerful, most influential leaders in the world as Primus Inter Pares, First Among Equals.

As my mother taught me, no matter who sits in the Oval Office, it is my duty to accord honor to the Office. Not the man. The man will change, but the mantle of the Office will remain. Once it is laid across the shoulders of someone, that someone is due all the honor of the Office. It is the man's duty not to sully the honor given him, but regardless, the honor remains.

Let every person be subject to the governing authorities; for there is no authority except from God, and those authorities that exist have been instituted by God. Therefore whoever resists authority resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment. For rulers are not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Do you wish to have no fear of the authority? Then do what is good, and you will receive its approval; for it is God’s servant for your good. But if you do what is wrong, you should be afraid, for the authority does not bear the sword in vain! It is the servant of God to execute wrath on the wrongdoer. Therefore one must be subject, not only because of wrath but also because of conscience. For the same reason you also pay taxes, for the authorities are God’s servants, busy with this very thing. Pay to all what is due to them—taxes to whom taxes are due, revenue to whom revenue is due, respect to whom respect is due, honour to whom honour is due.
Romans 13:1-7, emphasis mine

So, even if you think that out of the 300,000,000 people in this country, we got the sticky side of the lollipop with the four folks on the presidential ballot, go get in line and vote anyway. There are doubtless other items on the ticket you also need to consider. Local items which will have more immediate effect on your personal life anyway.

Vote.

Or don't b!tch.

The choice is yours. It's NOT Somebody Else's Problem.

Hat Tip to Emily for the pic!

Answers to An Unknown Question

May I continue to find favour in your sight, my lord, for you have comforted me and spoken kindly to your servant, even though I am not one of your servants.’
Ruth to Boaz
Ruth 2:13

And now, my daughter, do not be afraid; I will do for you all that you ask, for all the assembly of my people know that you are a worthy woman.
Boaz to Ruth
Ruth 3:11

God has had me parked in Ruth for over a year now and these two verses came to mind today.

Lord have mercy on me, a sinner.

Relevant Passages
Ruth 2 - 3