Have Mercy...

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner. Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner. Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner. Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner. Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner. Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner...

After a while, saying this prayer is becoming more and more instinctive. When an unworthy thought comes, when I feel the need to complain, when I am becoming judgmental...

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner. Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner. Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.

Awareness is the key. Becoming aware of where I have fallen off the wagon, so to speak, and then asking to get back on.

The problem is I tend to fall off before I get all the way on at all! Oy...

And seriously, why would anyone spend almost $1000 on binoculars?!?! ((Can you tell I am being subjected to a tv infomercial?))

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner. Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner. Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner....

What the heck?

Seriously, what does "I'm not religious, I'm spiritual" actually mean IRL? Sounds to me like it means "I want to do what I want to do when I want to do it and interpret things to mean what I want them to mean to suit what I am doing at the time no matter what."

For the time is coming when people will not put up with sound doctrine, but having itching ears, they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own desires, ⁴and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander away to myths.

2 Timothy 4:3-4

It's one of those very annoying things I hear a lot of these days. Such a very profound way of being neither hot or cold.

Remember God...

“In all your works,eiither at home or at the place of your service, do not forget that all your strength, your light and your success are in Christ and His Cross; therefore, do not fail to call upon the Lord before beginning any work, saying: Jesus, help me! Jesus, enlighten me! Thus your heart will be supported and warmed by lively faith and hope in Christ, for His is the power and glory unto ages of ages.”
St. John Kronstadt

I Don't Understand Me

…I am of the flesh, sold into slavery under sin. I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate… Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I that do it, but sin that dwells within me.

Romans 7:14-15, 20

Sometimes I do wish I would stop myself before I do dumb stuff. Nothing major or anything like that. But I seem to have the talent to do random nonsense that knocks me off my game, ruins my peace and sends me back to square one mentally.

Lord have mercy.

Someone Asked This Question Recently

Please understand that I am sincere and really want to know when I ask "why?"

What reasons are you grateful for? For what reasons are you grateful? I don't know LOL.

I'm in another "what difference does it make, if I can't manage to be faithful now, I will just be an unfaithful Orthodox person." mood.

I know this wasn't addressed to me but I have to respond. It's compulsive!

Honestly, though, I am so grateful to know what my path actually is. "Remember God. Say your prayers. Go to Church. Forgive your brother. Keep the commandments." I've heard that same thing so many times from so many people since I've studied Orthodoxy. For some reason, it was so complicated before. I had to be so careful that I wasn't doing this that or the other thing. That I believed this or that or didn't believe this or that. Blah blah blah ad nauseaum ad infinitum.

It's such a relief to not have to do anything but "Remember God. Say your prayers. Go to Church. Forgive your brother. Keep the commandments."

Even though it is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.

Now I have a map ((the words of the Fathers ancient and modern)), a light ((the Church and Her Traditions)), people to travel with ((y'all )), a connection with people who have already arrived ((the saints)) and a goal beyond "getting to Heaven" ((the aforementioned list)).

I love Orthodoxy!

And now I am crying. ~toddles off to find a tissue~

The Hardest Part

“Remember God. Say your prayers. Go to Church. Forgive your brother. Keep the commandments.”

Assimilating the Gospel

This seems to be the consensus.

I left on my trip to the monastery with one goal in mind: to find out how to live a life pleasing to God. Don't get me wrong, I don't think I am some kind of god-forsaken abomination or something like that but I do want to be more than average. I want to have the Lord look at me and say "Well done."

I've been struggling to figure out how to do this though. I've read so many biographies and theologies and theories and whatnot trying to figure it out. Then we went to the monastery and, as I said, my plan was to figure it out.

Fr Thomas Hopko is the presiding priest at Holy Transfiguration Monastery. His homily on the Sunday of our visit was on the calling of the believer. He said that all Christians have a calling, not just ordained priests or monastics ((who are not ordained, by the way, but are considered laymen)). The way to discover our calling isn't to wait for major signs from God. God, Fr Thomas said, will tell me what He has in mind for me. But He wants me to fulfill my original calling to become a saint first.

How do I become a saint?

Remember God. Say my prayers. Go to church. Forgive my brother. Obey the commandments.

Then I will know what He wants of me. His good, acceptable and perfect will for me.

And after that?

Remember God. Say my prayers. Go to church. Forgive my brother. Obey the commandments.

It's really that simple.

But it's the hardest part of the whole deal, you know?

Not One Word Lost

“Remember that not a single word is lost during prayer if you say it from your heart. God hears each word and weighs it in a balance. Sometimes, it seems to us that our words only strike the air in vain, and sound as a voice of one crying in the wilderness, no, no it is not so!….The Lord responds to every desire of the heart, expressed in words or unexpressed.”

St. John of Kronstadt

I read this quote today on the blog, Mind in the Heart and felt glad. Sometimes it is all I can do to just remember that God knows me so intimately that all I have to do is whisper to Him and He will hear me. I take so many things onto my own inadequate shoulders and try to figure them out in my head and wonder how this and that and the other things are going to work out...

Not my job.

And sometimes I just need to remember that when I am not praying, there are people praying for me. My friends and family, my priest, monastics, the saints gone before, the Theotokos. The communion of Saints is not just a nice concept developed to give us the warm squishies. It's real. And it's amazingly comforting when I feel like all I can do is reason, rage or weep.

I am so thankful.

I Want to be even Willing

Master, I am struggling even to be willing; make Thou me willing to be willing; be Thou the strength of my resolve; save me lest I perish and lose Thee for ever, O my only Hope.

St. Moses the Strong, Pray for us!

St. Moses pray for us!

Moses was a former gang leader, murderer, and thief in ancient Africa. However, he became a model of transformation. His is one of the most inspiring stories among the African saints.

Moses lived in the 4^th century – he was an escaped slave and the leader of a group of 75 robbers. He was a large and powerful man, who with his gang terrorized the entire region. Moses was transformed after they had stolen some sheep and wished to seek asylum in a monastery. The Abbot greeted Moses with open arms – and such a warm welcome that it had a life-changing impact on Moses the Ehiopian. The peaceful welcome and warm manner of the monks overwhelmed him. He immediately felt remorse for all his past sins, sincerely repented, and begged to remain at the monastery. He soon gave up his old way of life, became a Christian, and he and his fellow gang members were baptized.

Yet, Moses, even AFTER becoming a Christian, was tortured by his past and for years was tempted to return to his old ways. The Devil fought him intensively with his old habits of excessive eating, drinking, and fornication. Moses also had a rather difficult time adjusting to regular monastic discipline. His flair for adventure remained with him. Attacked by a group of robbers in his desert cell, Moses fought back, overpowered the intruders, and dragged them to the chapel where the other monks were at prayer. He told the brothers that he didn't think it Christian to hurt the robbers and asked what he should do with them. The overwhelmed robbers repented, were converted, and themselves joined the community.

Yet, much of Moses’ temptations to his former way of life became transformed one day when he had a vision while he was confessing his sins to St Macarius. It is said that Moses saw a vision of an angel -- who appeared with a tablet full of his sins. As he confessed each sin, the angel began wiping the tablet clean. The more he confessed, the more the angel wiped, until by the end, after a full Confession, the tablet was completely clean. After meeting St. Macarius and St. Isidore, he completely left his old ways behind him and became a monk.

Moses was zealous in all he did, but became discouraged when he concluded he was not perfect enough. Early one morning, Saint Isidore, abbot of the monastery, took Moses to the roof and together they watched the first rays of dawn come over the horizon. Isidore told Moses, "Only slowly do the rays of the sun drive away the night and usher in a new day, and thus, only slowly does one become a perfect contemplative."

A favorite incident of many is the story of the hospitality of a certain Arsenius toward a visiting monk. Arsenius received the monk in absolute silence. Moses, however, greeted the visitor with joy. When someone asked for an explanation, the answer was in the form of two visions. One has Arsenius in a boat with Angels in silence, another saw Moses in the boat with the Angels eating sweetmeats.

Later, St. Moses was ordained to the priesthood –

Now, here’s a story that might shock you; but listen carefully. The blessing of the Lord came upon Moses. After a while, he became the Father and the spiritual guide of 500 brothers, who elected him to be ordained a priest. When he came before the Patriarch to be ordained, the Patriarch wanted to test him by asking the elders, "Who brought this black here? Cast him out." He obeyed, and left saying to himself, "It is good what they have done to you, O black colored one.” The Patriarch, however, called him back and ordained him a priest, and said to him, Moses, all of you now has become white."

You see, brothers and sisters, Moses was put to the test – not of his ethnicity or race – but of humility. He became know for his wisdom, humility, love, and non-judgment of others.

A certain wealthy, high-ranking official once came to Sketis with a large caravan. He bestowed gifts upon the monks and inquired where he might locate the elder Moses. After receiving directions, the official set out to visit the Ethiopian monk. Moses, perceiving in the Spirit the approach of the official, went out to meet him, in the guise of a traveler.

Encountering the dusty elder along the way, the official asked him if he knew the whereabouts of Moses. "What do you want with that troublemaker?" the elder asked him. "Stay away from him. He will do you no good." The official, stunned and scandalized, returned to Sketis and told the monks of his conversation on route. They could not believe that anyone would speak so about Moses and asked the official to describe the man he met. The official described him as being tall, white-haired, and black, with ragged and dusty clothing. Hearing this, the relieved monks informed the official that the monk he had conversed with was none other than Moses himself. The official was somewhat chagrined and realized that Moses wished to avoid the praise and recognition of men. And so, edified, he returned to his home.

Once a brother had been caught in a particular sin, and the abbot asked St. Moses to come to the church and render judgment. He came reluctantly, carrying on his back a leaking bag of sand – which had a hole in it, and dribbled a path of sand behind him all the way to the church. When he arrived, the brothers asked him why he was carrying such a thing. He simply said, "This sand is my sins which are trailing out behind me – which I don’t see – and yet you ask me to judge the sins of my brother before me?" At that reply, the brothers forgave the offender and returned to focusing on their own salvation rather than the sins of their brother.

In 405 A.D., at age 75, St. Moses suffered a martyr's death, when his monastery was attacked by a group of barbarians. At about age 75, about the year 405 AD, word came that a group of Berbers planned to attack the monastery. The brothers wanted to defend themselves, but Moses forbade it. He told them to retreat, rather than take up weapons. He and seven others remained behind and greeted the invaders with open arms – the same as they had once been welcomed – but all eight were slain -- martyred by the bandits.

You see, when you realize that you’ve been forgiven much – When you are grateful -- You are naturally inclined to give.

TO GIVE EVEN MORE.

Forgiveness if FOR giving. And, today, St Moses the Black is not only considered the patron Saint of African-Americans – but, a model for us all. St Moses is a model of Christian humility, love and forgiveness.

Let us open our arms each week in our churches and homes to those who are seeking, no matter the color of their sins – nor especially their skin color -- for, in so doing, we may be welcoming future Saints unaware!

St Moses the Black is commemorated August 28th.

St. Moses the Black, pray to God for us!

OrthoDixie

I think this is particulary significant, considering the first black man ever is about to accept the nomination of a major US political party for POTUS. It's huge. And we need prayer. Obama needs prayer.

And not just because he's a Democrat.

Title Goes Here

I'm not quite sure why I have this blog. I have another which I use far more frequently. I had a blogger blog once upon a time and didn't use it near as much as I do the other one. I'm sure there is a use for this one, I just need to ponder it more.

Hm...