The Chapter That Spoke

Sing, O barren one who did not bear;
burst into song and shout,
you who have not been in labour!
For the children of the desolate woman will be more
than the children of her that is married, says the Lord.
Enlarge the site of your tent,
and let the curtains of your habitations be stretched out;
do not hold back; lengthen your cords
and strengthen your stakes.
For you will spread out to the right and to the left,
and your descendants will possess the nations
and will settle the desolate towns.

Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed;
do not be discouraged, for you will not suffer disgrace;
for you will forget the shame of your youth,
and the disgrace of your widowhood you will remember no more.
For your Maker is your husband,
the Lord of hosts is his name;
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer,
the God of the whole earth he is called.
For the Lord has called you
like a wife forsaken and grieved in spirit,
like the wife of a man’s youth when she is cast off,
says your God.
For a brief moment I abandoned you,
but with great compassion I will gather you.
In overflowing wrath for a moment
I hid my face from you,
but with everlasting love I will have compassion on you,
says the Lord, your Redeemer.

This is like the days of Noah to me:
Just as I swore that the waters of Noah
would never again go over the earth,
so I have sworn that I will not be angry with you
and will not rebuke you.
For the mountains may depart
and the hills be removed,
but my steadfast love shall not depart from you,
and my covenant of peace shall not be removed,
says the Lord,who has compassion on you.

O afflicted one, storm-tossed, and not comforted,
I am about to set your stones in antimony,
and lay your foundations with sapphires.
I will make your pinnacles of rubies,
your gates of jewels,
and all your wall of precious stones.
All your children shall be taught by the Lord,
and great shall be the prosperity of your children.
In righteousness you shall be established;
you shall be far from oppression, for you shall not fear;
and from terror, for it shall not come near you.
If anyone stirs up strife,
it is not from me;
whoever stirs up strife with you
shall fall because of you.
See, it is I who have created the smith
who blows the fire of coals,
and produces a weapon fit for its purpose;
I have also created the ravager to destroy.
No weapon that is fashioned against you shall prosper,
and you shall confute every tongue that rises against you in judgement.
This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord
and their vindication from me, says the Lord.
Isaiah 54

I was so grateful to read this almost immediately after praying one day almost exactly two years ago. My life was falling apart, a friend wasn't a friend, my family was being destroyed from the inside out and I was despairing of anything and everything. I went to a Bible study at a friend's house and we just did a word study, picking words that described how we felt at the moment, finding them in a concordance and reading the attached verses.

When I chose "forsaken", "betrayed" and "abandoned" the concordance led me to this chapter of Isaiah which I cannot recall ever reading before.

To this day, my Bible falls open at that spot. I live there. I curl up there and remember that the Lord loves me, remembers me, knows my pain and has a plan to redeem it for me.

Glory to the Father , to the Son and to the Holy Spirit!

"That is Soooo Six Months Ago!"

Just a few months ago, maybe April, maybe May, at my job we got the most beautiful summer skirts and blouses ever. They were lovely colors in soft, cool fabrics that just made you want to touch them and wear them and spin around in front of a mirror singing, "I Feel Pretty" from West Side Story once you put them on. Seriously, they were all that and a bag of chips.

Today I looked at a couple (okay, twelve) of those skirts, shook my head, rolled my eyes and sighed, "Oh, this is so six months ago! I can't believe we have so many of these stupid things left. They are taking up so much room! Can we get recall soon???" And I boxed some of them away in the back because, frankly, we just don't have room for the things in this new floor set and there is some way prettier stuff already in for September.

HA!! In few months I'll probably be saying the same thing about the oh-so-cute September clothes.

How fickle people are. I am. I mean I know it's just clothes but don;t we do the same thing to other parts of our lives? Even people? I recall telling someone my favorite song and having them laugh and tell me, "Oh that is so old! Don't you listen to music from NOW?" The song in question had been number one on the charts just a year earlier!

Last year, Obama could do no wrong and now folks are coming out of the woodwork to disagree with him. In 2001, Bush had the whole country behind him and just a few months later folks were calling for his assassination (yes I recall the signs and the protests and the craziness even if the MSM does not). I've seen once passionate marriages and intense friendships go from love to hate in less than 24 hours. I've had a trusted friend become a hated enemy in even less time. The ease with which the human mind can do a 180 is staggering. Frightening.

Why are we are so capricious and vapid (Psalm 39:5)? It's not how we were created. We were created in the image and likeness of God (Genesis 1:26-27) and He doesn't randomly change His mind (Numbers 23:19) and go in a different direction based on who-knows-what silly reason. Why do I? Why am I so inconstant? How can I become more constant?

Lord have mercy on me a sinner!

I close my eyes
Only for a moment, then the moments gone
All my dreams
Pass before my eyes, a curiosity
Dust in the wind
All they are is dust in the wind
Same old song
Just a drop of water in an endless sea
All we do
Crumbles to the ground, though we refuse to see

Dust in the wind
All we are is dust in the wind, ohh
Now, don't hang on
Nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky
It slips away
And all your money won't another minute buy
Dust in the wind
All we are is dust in the wind
(All we are is dust in the wind)
Dust in the wind
(Everything is dust in the wind)
Everything is dust in the wind
The wind
Dust in the Wind, Kansas

Relevant Verses/Reading
Genesis 1:26-27
Psalm 39:5
James 4:14
Numbers 23:19

Prayer of St Philaret

Lord, I know not what to ask of Thee; Thou alone knowest what is needed for me. Thou dost love me more than I know how to love Thee. O Father, give to Thy servant that for which I do not even know how to beg. I dare not ask for either a cross or for consolation; I am only standing before Thee with my heart open to Thee. Thou seest my needs which I do not even know; see and deal with me according to Thy mercy. Purge and heal me, humble me and raise me; I am in awe before Thee and I am silent before Thy will and Thy unfathomable ways for me. I bring myself as a sacrifice to Thee; teach me to pray. Pray Thyself in me. Amen.
Prayer of St. Philaret of Moscow

I have no idea how to pray some days. I love the written prayers kept by the Church because they fulfill so many of my needs. I know they are Biblical and the words keep my mind focused so much more than trying to pray "extemporaneously". God knows I don't need an excuse for distraction!

Also, they never fail to prime the pump for me. When I was in the midst of deep depression and unable to find any words at all beyond screaming "WHY????" those written prayers of the saints helped me find the words I needed so I would not scream and rant all the time.

I so appreciate the saints! Their wisdom and lives and words echo down through the ages to let us know we are not alone. We always have intercessors and witnesses and they've lent us their words to see us through those times when we don't have any.

Lord have mercy on me, a sinner!

A Prayer of Preparation for Confession

I, a sinful soul, confess to our Lord God and Savior Jesus Christ, all of my evil acts which I have done, said or thought from baptism even unto this present day.

I have not kept the vows of my baptism, but have made myself unwanted before the face of God.

I have sinned before the Lord by lack of faith and by doubts concerning the Orthodox Faith and the Holy Church; by ungratefulness for all of God's great and unceasing gifts; His long-suffering and His providence for me, a sinner; by lack of love for the Lord, as well as fear, through not fulfilling the Holy Commandments of God and the canons and rules of the Church.

I have not preserved a love for God and for my neighbor nor have I made enough efforts, because of laziness and lack of care, to learn the Commandments of God and the precepts of the Holy Fathers.

I have sinned: by not praying in the morning and in the evening and in the course of the day; by not attending the services or by coming to Church only half-heartedly, lazily and carelessly; by conversing during the services, by not paying attention, letting my mind wander and by departure from the Church before the dismissal and blessing.

I have sinned by judging members of the clergy.

I have sinned by not respecting the Feasts, breaking the Fasts, and by immoderation in food and drink.

I have sinned by self-importance, disobedience, willfulness, self-righteousness, and the seeking of approval and praise.

I have sinned by unbelief, lack of faith, doubts, despair, despondency, abusive thoughts, blasphemy and swearing.

I have sinned by pride, a high opinion of my self, narcissism, vanity, conceit, envy, love of praise, love of honors, and by putting on airs.

I have sinned: by judging, malicious gossip, anger, remembering of offenses done to me, hatred and returning evil for evil; by slander, reproaches, lies, slyness, deception and hypocrisy; by prejudices, arguments, stubbornness, and an unwillingness to give way to my neighbor; by gloating, spitefulness, taunting, insults and mocking; by gossip, by speaking too much and by empty speech.

I have sinned by unnecessary and excessive laughter, by reviling and dwelling upon my previous sins, by arrogant behavior, insolence and lack of respect.

I have sinned by not keeping my physical and spiritual passions in check, by my enjoyment of impure thoughts, licentiousness and unchastity in thoughts, words and deeds.

I have sinned by lack of endurance towards my illnesses and sorrows, a devotion to the comforts of life and by being too attached to my parents, children, relatives and friends.

I have sinned by hardening my heart, having a weak will and by not forcing myself to do good.

I have sinned by miserliness, a love of money, the acquisition of unnecessary things and immoderate attachment to things.

I have sinned by self-justification, a disregard for the admonitions of my conscience and failing to confess my sins through negligence or false pride.

I have sinned many times by my Confession: belittling, justifying and keeping silent about sins.

I have sinned against the Most-holy and Life-creating Mysteries of the Body and Blood of our Lord by coming to Holy Communion without humility or the fear of God.

I have sinned in deed, word and thought, knowingly and unknowingly, willingly and unwillingly, thoughtfully and thoughtlessly, and it is impossible to enumerate all of my sins because of their multitude. But I truly repent of these and all others not mentioned by me because of my forgetfulness and I ask that they be forgiven through the abundance of the Mercy of God.

St John of Kronstadt

Holy St John, pray to God for us!

A Prayer from a Friend

Sweet Mother of us all,

In birth, you preserved your virginity; in death, you did not abandon the world, O Theotokos.

As mother of life, you departed to the source of life, delivering our souls from death by your intercessions.

Mother, deliver us from the temptations and unjust accusations of the cunning and evil serpent; he who has brought games and confusion into our lives and through his jealousy has manipulated our actions and altered the will of God in our lives. Help us to love each other and, Mariam, be 'patient with us' - we are only little children who need you to guide us daily with your motherly care and perfect example.

Mother of our Lord, Theotokos, Mariam, love of my life, my heart cries out to you in great affliction and grief; wipe away my tears and set me on the straight path - guard and protect those whom I love and those who do not love me ... through the mercy of your Son and our Saviour, Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.

Our Unique Flaws

A Little Spiritual Help
OUR UNIQUE FLAWS

A water bearer in India had two large pots, each hung on each end of a pole, which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, and while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk from the stream to the master's house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.

For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water in his master's house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect to the end for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.

After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you."

"Why?" asked the bearer? "What are you ashamed of?"

"I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your master's house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don't get full value from your efforts," the pot said.

The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in his compassion he said, "As we return to the master's house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path."

Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path, and this cheered it some. But at the end of the trail, it still felt bad because it had leaked out half its load, and so again it apologized to the bearer for its failure.

The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of your path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you've watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my master's table. Without you being just the way you are, he would not have this beauty to grace his house."

[Commentary]

God calls us not as we should be but as we are. Each of us has our own unique flaws. We're all cracked pots. If we will allow it, the Lord will use our flaws to bring beauty and grace in service of God and humanity. In God's great economy, nothing goes to waste.

So when you hear God calling you to the tasks He has appointed for you, don't be afraid of your flaws. Acknowledge them, and allow God to take advantage of them, and you, too, can be the cause of beauty in His pathway. Go out boldly, knowing that in our weaknesses, we find His strength. Remember that God doesn't always call the qualified, but He always qualifies the called.


Source for Cracked Pot folk tale is obscure
Commentary by Rev. Fr. John-Brian Paprock
"Healing and Thanksgiving" sermon, November 24, 1999
http://www.angelfire.com/wi/theosis/healing.html

Troy Polamalu, Pittsburgh Steeler Safety

What's the most important thing you've learned from [Abbot Ephraim] so far?
That you cannot have an experience of God without humility.
Pittsburgh Steeler Troy Polamalu to interviewer, Pittsburgh Magazine

Seems to be a recent theme I'm on lately. Humility.

Relevant Reading
The Experience of Prayer

Some Days...

...It just ain't the trouble of gnawing through the straps. I can only believe things will improve because if they don't I will definitely need some professional help. Oh. Wait. I have professional help already.

Then as St John of the Ladder said, I need to remember not to despair.

Lord have mercy on me, a sinner.

Developing Dispassion

My friend Maria commented: "Might the perceived apathy actually be developing dispassion?"

"By dispassion I mean a heaven of the mind within the heart, whcih regards the artifice of demons as a contemptible joke. A man is truly dispassionate--and is known to be such--when he has cleansed his flesh of all corruption; when he has lifted his mind above everything created, and has made it master of all the senses; when he keeps his soul continually in the presence of the Lord and reaches out beyond the borderline of strength to Him. And there are some who would claim that dispassion is resurrection of the soul prior to that of the body, while others would insist that it is a perfect knowledge of God, a knowledge second only to that of the angels."
The Ladder of Divine Ascent, p282, St John Climacus

Oh if only!!

God knows I wish that were the case. Perhaps the things that tug at me wouldn't. Maybe I could rid myself of some of these besetting sins I have (and man do I ever have a few). But I know I fall far, far short of this.

Instead I am turning to God. Trusting in Him that He has a plan for me, a future and a hope, in spite of all my failings and lack. St John Climacus said to despair is to commit suicide but called repentance "the daughter of hope and the renunciation of despair". So I constantly turn back to Him and ask for His mercy and His grace, crying, "Lord have mercy on me a sinner!"

Meanwhile I just hope this weird feeling will metamorphose into something godly. Or at least useful. Honestly, not lamenting over this that and the other decision/thought/statement/gesture/etc is really restful. I don't think I've felt this kind of peace in quite some time. The constant self-questioning and the ongoing dialogue in my head are just not there anymore. Sometimes I wonder about that and then...I'm done with it.

Detachment is something I've been trying to learn for a very long time. According to a book I once read,

"Detachment is not a cold, hostile withdrawal; a resigned, despairing acceptance of anything life and people throw our way; a robotical walk through life oblivious to and totally inaffected by people and problems; a Pollyanna-like ignorant bliss; a shirking of our true responsibilities to ourselves and others; a severing of our relationships. Nor is it a removal of our love and concern, although sometimes these ways of detaching might be the best we can do, for the moment…Detachment is based on the premise that each person is responsible for himself, that we can’t solve problems that aren’t ours to solve, and that worrying doesn’t help. We adopt a policy of keeping our hands off other people’s responsibilities and tend to our own instead. If people have created disasters for themselves, we allow them to face their own proverbial music. We allow people to be who they are. We give them the freedom to be responsible and to grow. And we give ourselves that same freedom…"
Codependent No More, p62

Maybe...just maybe...I've figured out how that is supposed to work in my life.

Relevant Links
Jeremiah 29:11-13
The Ladder of Divine Ascent
CoDependent No More

Fast of the Dormition of the Theotokos

Today begins the Fast of the Dormition of the Theotokos which leads to the Feast of the Dormition on 15 August which celebrates the falling asleep of Mary, the Mother of Our Lord.

The Feast of the Dormition or Falling Asleep of the Theotokos commemorates the death, resurrection, and glorification of Christ's mother. To help us in our preparation of the feast, it is preceded by a two week fast. As with the Nativity of the Virgin (September 8/21) and the feast of her Entrance to the Temple (November 21/December 4), the Feast of the Dormition also comes from the Tradition of the Church.

There we learn that Mary died as all people die because she had a mortal human nature affected by the corruption of this world. The Church proclaims that Mary needed to be saved by Christ just as all of us are saved from trials, sufferings, and death of this world. Having truly died, she was raised by her Son as the "Mother of Life" and already participates in the eternal life of paradise which is prepared and promised to all who "hear the word of God and keep it." (Luke 11:27-28) Finally, we celebrate the fact that what happens to Mary happens to all who imitate her holy life of humility, obedience and love.

It is important to remember that there are no relics of the Theotokos. Their existence has never been mentioned throughout history. At one time in Constantinople there was a center of pilgrimage where the belt and veil of the Virgin were venerated.
Adapted from The Orthodox Church, Volume II: Worship, by Fr. Thomas Hopko.

In the icon of this Feast, the Theotokos is laying on her funeral bier with the Apostles all around her. Christ is behind the bier, holding an infant swaddled in white which represents the soul of the Theotokos reborn in her glory in heaven; Christ also is robed in white and appears in an "aureole" or elongated halo which represents the Light of His Divinity.

The Apostles are shown on either side of the bier; the group on the left is led by St. Peter who stands at the head of the bier; the group on the right is led by St. Paul who stands at the foot.

Below the bier is a figure of Antonius the Jew, who tried to disrupt the procession, was punished, but later repented of his sins and embraced Christianity through Baptism.

I spent last night reading the Paraklesis (a service of intercession that has a canon to a saint included) to the Theotokos. It is also called the Small Supplicatory Canon . I also read the Akathist to the Theotokos, Joy of All Who Sorrow. Both of these are beautiful prayers and very soothing to the soul. I go the this Akathist regularly. An akathist, by the way, is a prayer that is read akathistos or standing.

With power from on high, do Thou strengthen me, who am afflicted in body and soul, O good Lady, and vouchsafe me Thy visitation and provident care, dispelling the gloom of despondency and sorrow which enfold me, that saved by Thee I may unceasingly cry out to God:
Alleluia!