Endure & Know

Endure the trial of yourself and your own faults and sins peacefully, serenely, because you know that God's mercy is greater than your wretchedness.
Fr. Thomas Hopko

SUPPLICATION TO THE HOLY SPIRIT

A Syriac Prayer

O Thou Divine Comforter and Advocate, Spirit of Truth, Treasure-house of Goodness, and Fountain of Life. Thou who dost apportion gifts and give talents from above; come and dwell in us, and cleanse us thoroughly, O Lord.

Create a clean heart in us and renew a right spirit within us, even the spirit of temperance and purity, of righteousness and true holiness; the spirit of wisdom and understanding, even the spirit of strength and firm purpose; the spirit of knowledge and the awe of God.

Be with us and be our guide and leader, strengthening us and aiding us at all times. O Spirit of Holiness, full of mercy and goodness, grant our tears to flow and cleanse our hearts.

Do Thou take up Thy dwelling within us.

Touch our hearts with the fire of Thy love, O God, and refresh and revive us in all good works that we may live in Thee forever and ever.

Amen.

from The Golden Key to Divine Worship
by Mar Severius Ephrem Barsoum
Archdiocese of the Syriac Orthodox Church, 1961

Chasing Leaves

Today I got angry again. I was on my way to a friend's house for the first time and was informed about where I was exactly and suddenly all this...ickiness (for lack of a better word)...just rose to the surface. Again.

~sigh~

I so wish that wouldn't happen. When I am prepared for it, I can deal with such unpleasantness and keep my equilibrium. It's when the unpleasantness comes as a surprise that I find I must go chasing after leaves in the wind again.

I have no idea why this happens to me still. Or rather why I can't get my act together still. Stuff happens. Things are where they are. I can do my level best to avoid as much garbage as I want to but it will still be there someplace. Reality says I need to not let it bother me so much.

Reality sometimes needs to take a flying leap.

On the other hand, perhaps I can be thankful now. For example, I've apparently had this stomach churning anticipation of chance encounters and the like and now I have more insight in that area. I can pray about it now. And the need to be able to encounter certain things without forgetting Whose I am, to rely on Him and run to Him instead of trying to ignore the feelings.

As someone once said to me, "It's not the feelings that are good or bad in themselves, it's what we do with them." The lives of the saints give me so many examples of acting on feelings in both proper and improper ways. I need to take my cues from them and from the Lord.

O holy Saints, Elizabeth and Barbara, even as thou didst not turn away from the vilest of wretches during thy earthly sojourn, so do not turn away from our unworthiness. Pray unto the Lord that He may grant to us healing of soul and body, and great mercy. Help us, encumbered as we are with the pleasures and ease of life, to emulate thy martyrdom to the things of this world. Pray unto God for us, that we may join thee in the Heavenly Kingdom.

Do not fret because of the wicked;
do not be envious of wrongdoers,
²for they will soon fade like the grass,
and wither like the green herb.

³Trust in the Lord, and do good;
so you will live in the land, and enjoy security.
⁴Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

⁵Commit your way to the Lord;
trust in him, and he will act.
⁶He will make your vindication shine like the light,
and the justice of your cause like the noonday.

⁷Be still before the Lord, and wait patiently for him;
do not fret over those who prosper in their way,
over those who carry out evil devices.

⁸Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath.
Do not fret—it leads only to evil.
⁹For the wicked shall be cut off,
but those who wait for the Lord shall inherit the land.

¹⁰Yet a little while, and the wicked will be no more;
though you look diligently for their place, they will not be there.
¹¹But the meek shall inherit the land,
and delight in abundant prosperity.

¹²The wicked plot against the righteous,
and gnash their teeth at them;
¹³but the Lord laughs at the wicked,
for he sees that their day is coming.

¹⁴The wicked draw the sword and bend their bows
to bring down the poor and needy,
to kill those who walk uprightly;
¹⁵their sword shall enter their own heart,
and their bows shall be broken.

¹⁶Better is a little that the righteous person has
than the abundance of many wicked.
¹⁷For the arms of the wicked shall be broken,
but the Lord upholds the righteous.

The Lord knows the days of the blameless,
and their heritage will abide for ever;
¹⁹they are not put to shame in evil times,
in the days of famine they have abundance.

But the wicked perish,
and the enemies of the Lord are like the glory of the pastures;
they vanish—like smoke they vanish away.

The wicked borrow, and do not pay back,
but the righteous are generous and keep giving;
²²for those blessed by the Lord shall inherit the land,
but those cursed by him shall be cut off.

Our steps are made firm by the Lord,
when he delights in our way;
²⁴though we stumble, we shall not fall headlong,
for the Lord holds us by the hand.

I have been young, and now am old,
yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken
or their children begging bread.
²⁶They are ever giving liberally and lending,
and their children become a blessing.

Depart from evil, and do good;
so you shall abide for ever.
²⁸For the Lord loves justice;
he will not forsake his faithful ones.

The righteous shall be kept safe for ever,
but the children of the wicked shall be cut off.
²⁹The righteous shall inherit the land,
and live in it for ever.

The mouths of the righteous utter wisdom,
and their tongues speak justice.
³¹The law of their God is in their hearts;
their steps do not slip.

The wicked watch for the righteous,
and seek to kill them.
³³The Lord will not abandon them to their power,
or let them be condemned when they are brought to trial.

Wait for the Lord, and keep to his way,
and he will exalt you to inherit the land;
you will look on the destruction of the wicked.

I have seen the wicked oppressing,
and towering like a cedar of Lebanon.
³⁶Again I passed by, and they were no more;
though I sought them, they could not be found.

Mark the blameless, and behold the upright,
for there is posterity for the peaceable.
³⁸But transgressors shall be altogether destroyed;
the posterity of the wicked shall be cut off.

The salvation of the righteous is from the Lord;
he is their refuge in the time of trouble.
⁴⁰The Lord helps them and rescues them;
he rescues them from the wicked, and saves them,
because they take refuge in him.
Psalm 37

The Paschal Homily of St. John Chrysostom

Is there anyone who is a devout lover of God? Let them enjoy this beautiful bright festival!

Is there anyone who is a grateful servant? Let them rejoice and enter into the joy of their Lord!

Are there any weary with fasting? Let them now receive their wages! If any have toiled from the first hour, let them receive their due reward; If any have come after the third hour, let him with gratitude join in the Feast! And he that arrived after the sixth hour, let him not doubt; for he too shall sustain no loss. And if any delayed until the ninth hour, let him not hesitate; but let him come too. And he who arrived only at the eleventh hour, let him not be afraid by reason of his delay.

For the Lord is gracious and receives the last even as the first. He gives rest to him that comes at the eleventh hour, as well as to him that toiled from the first. To this one He gives, and upon another He bestows. He accepts the works as He greets the endeavor. The deed He honors and the intention He commends.

Let us all enter into the joy of the Lord! First and last alike receive your reward; rich and poor, rejoice together! Sober and slothful, celebrate the day!

You that have kept the fast, and you that have not, rejoice today for the Table is richly laden! Feast royally on it, the calf is a fatted one. Let no one go away hungry. Partake, all, of the cup of faith. Enjoy all the riches of His goodness!

Let no one grieve at his poverty, for the universal kingdom has been revealed. Let no one mourn that he has fallen again and again; for forgiveness has risen from the grave. Let no one fear death, for the Death of our Savior has set us free.
He has destroyed it by enduring it.

He destroyed Hades when He descended into it. He put it into an uproar even as it tasted of His flesh. Isaiah foretold this when he said, "You, O Hell, have been troubled by encountering Him below."

Hell was in an uproar because it was done away with. It was in an uproar because it is mocked. It was in an uproar, for it is destroyed. It is in an uproar, for it is annihilated. It is in an uproar, for it is now made captive. Hell took a body, and discovered God. It took earth, and encountered Heaven. It took what it saw, and was overcome by what it did not see.

O death, where is thy sting? O Hades, where is thy victory?

Christ is Risen, and you, O death, are annihilated! Christ is Risen, and the evil ones are cast down! Christ is Risen, and the angels rejoice! Christ is Risen, and life is liberated! Christ is Risen, and the tomb is emptied of its dead; for Christ having risen from the dead, is become the first-fruits of those who have fallen asleep.

To Him be Glory and Power forever and ever. Amen!

Today A Tomb Holds Him

"Today a tomb holds Him who holds the creation in the hollow of His hand; a stone covers Him who covered the heavens with glory.
Life sleeps and hell trembles, and Adam is set free from his bonds."

Don't Fight It

Don't struggle directly with temptation, don't pray for it to go away, don't say, “Take it from me, O God!” Then you are acknowledging the strength of the temptation and it takes hold of you. Because, although you are saying “Take it from me, O God”, basically you are bringing it to mind and fomenting it even more.

Your desire to be free of the passion will, of course, be there, but it will exist in a hidden and discreet way, without appearing outwardly. Remember what Scripture says: "Don't let your left hand know what your right hand is doing."

Let all your strength be turned to love for God, worship of God and adhesion to God. In this way your release from evil and from your weaknesses will happen in a mystical manner, without your being aware of it and without exertion.
Elder Porphyrios, Wounded by Love, p137

Thank you Maria for reminding me of this. I love this book.

Today I Sent Back a DVD

So today I was going to watch this DVD that I'd been so looking forward to seeing. It was recommended by someone I trust and have a lot in common with and so I thought I would really enjoy it.

Then it showed up.

I put it in the DVD player.

Intro scene...angels being killed in a very bloody manner. Then a half naked extremely female angel hanging from a cross. Then a guy being beat to a bloody pulp on a street corner.

Yeah. I packed that one up right quick and sent it back.

Why do they even make stuff like that? Yeesh.

Answered

No Fun?

"...Time spent is part of living...Slowness, ripening, slowness, dancing; happiness spent in doing, smelling, understanding. If everything is all the time instantaneous, prompt and sudden, then no one is having any time to enjoy! Life becomes a plethora, a glut, a surfeit of instantaneous amusements barely leavening the job, the task, the thing-to-get-through-somehow that life becomes. Who would live a do this, do that, right now, hurry up, finish, all the time finish? Such life has no peace. It is a disease!"
Walking Sunshine, The Companions, p434

I am so very tired of people telling me I can't/shouldn't/need to wait/need to reconsider doing anything fun.

For years as a kid, my parents, God bless 'em, told me we couldn't do this that or the other thing for various and sundry reasons. Mainly money.

For years, my ex-husband told me we couldn't do this that or the other thing for various and sundry reasons. Mainly money.

And now I have friends who tell me I shouldn't do this that or the other thing for various and sundry reasons. Mainly money.

Good grief!! When do I get to have some fun? Is life supposed to be all toil-and-work-and- goal-setting-and-what's-the-next-thing-on-The-List-that-needs-to-be-crossed-off-before- anyone-can-do-anything-they-want-to-do-as-long-as-it's-"practical"? I am so sick and tired of hearing that what I want to do is impractical or not timely or whatever other excuse people want to dredge up for me to NOT do something I've dreamed about doing for years.

I'm tired of hearing "No" when it doesn't come from God.

Yes indeed, the Lord might drop Disney tickets with a 5 night stay at an exclusive resort in my lap as His way of telling me "Yes, this is My will for you." Then again He might also pave the way for me to save the money and buy the tickets and go.

Yes, indeed, the Lord might send the perfect dog to me that won't cost me anything but pats on the head and a few doggie biscuits. Then again He might also not stand in the way as I save my money to rescue a dog that might otherwise be put down just because it was #56 and only dogs from 1-55 were adopted before the cut off.

Can't a girl have a little bit of legitimate fun sometimes? Yeesh.

Confessed

O Almighty and Merciful God, I truly thank thee for the forgiveness of my sins; bless me O Lord, and help me always, that I may ever do that which is pleasing to Thee, and sin no more. Amen.

“If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins.”
1 John 1:8, 9

Confession today. As always, when Fr laid his epitrachelion over me, I truly felt the weight of my sins was lifted and tomorrow at Eucharist I will probably cry. Fr doesn't deny anyone Eucharist just because one hasn't confessed recently, but every time I take Communion after confession, I can tell a difference in me. I wish I could keep that "clean" feeling always but I know I will tarnish myself within a day or so. Heck I have already done so.

Interesting. My first instinct is to say, "But that's okay". The thing is, it's not okay. It's not alright that the tarnish will come. That is not what I, what any of us who bear the image of God Himself, should be resigned to. I don't want to say "But that's okay." God never intended for the pinnacle of His creation to be "okay" with their sin. We aren't supposed to live with it because, hey we're only human and that's what we do. La lala lala.

Sin is death. It's a horrible horrible thing. It corrupts everything. Nothing sinful, read as "full of sin" is good. Nothing good can come of being in sin. Nothing. Sin is death. That particular death isn't just "not breathing anymore" but is separation from the Living God. Having He Who put the galaxies and stars in motion forget about me.

About the last thing in the world I want is for the Lord to forget me. What else is Hell be but being forgotten by That Which is Good in all of Existence? And I can create this for myself simply by being "okay with" those things He says He wants to forget.

Lord have mercy. I've thought about it and I honestly do not think I would even wish that on someone I revile most in the world.

Thank you, Father, for the sacrament of Confession. Help me to truly turn from my sins, not thing that they are "okay," and to seek to please You and You only. Amen.

Relevant Verses
Genesis 1:26
1 John 1:8,9