A Prayer of St Philaret of Moscow

My Lord, I know not what I ought to ask of Thee. 

Thou and Thou alone knowest my needs. 

Thou lovest me more than I am able to love Thee. 

O Father, grant unto me, Thy servant, all which I cannot ask. 

For a cross I dare not ask, nor for consolation; 

I dare only to stand in Thy presence. 

My heart is open to Thee. 

Thou seest my needs of which I myself am unaware. 

Behold and lift me up! 

In Thy presence I stand, 

awed and silenced by Thy will and Thy judgments, 

into which my mind cannot penetrate. 

To Thee I offer myself as a sacrifice. 

No other desire is mine but to fulfill Thy will. 

Teach me how to pray. 

Do Thyself pray within me. 

Amen.

St Philaret of Moscow

St Moses the Black: The Movie

St. Moses the Black

Troparion For Saint Moses

You made the wilderness your dwelling, O our Father Moses, the Bearer of God; 

you became an angel in the flesh and a wonderworker.

Through fasts, vigils, and prayers, you obtained from God special graces 

to heal the sick and sanctify the souls of those who come to you with trust. 

Glory to the one who gave you strength!

Glory to the one who crowned you! 

Glory to the one who, through your intercession, 

grants healing to all!

An Orthodox production company is making a movie about this greatly revered saint who is also one of my and Gabriel's favorites. Gabriel loved for me to read him St Moses' story when he was little. Probably because, before he became a monk, St Moses was a fighting man and after he became a monk, St Moses never lost his strength.  

One of the things about St Moses that has been an inspiration to me is that he never felt he had "arrived". He knew that in spite of his past--he was a gang-leader, a robber, an adulterer, a murderer--God had forgiven him. Because of this he understood he had been given much and was eager always to give much in return. He was even martyred because of his desire to live in peace with all men.

Like my own St Elizabeth, St Moses also had a firm grasp on forgiveness and the need we all have not only to receive forgiveness but to give it. There is a story that one of the monks in St Moses' monastery had been caught in a particular sin, and the abbot asked St. Moses to come to the church and render judgment. He came reluctantly, carrying on his back a leaking bag of sand – which had a hole in it, and dribbled a path of sand behind him all the way to the church. When he arrived, the brothers asked him why he was carrying such a thing. He simply said, "This sand is my sins which are trailing out behind me – which I don’t see – and yet you ask me to judge the sins of my brother before me?" At that reply, the brothers forgave the offender and returned to focusing on their own salvation rather than the sins of their brother.

I hope that this movie will be a good one, as accurate as possible, well performed and produced. 

St Moses pray for us!

Lord have mercy on me a sinner!

Relevant Reading

St Moses the Strong, Pray for Us!

OrthodoxWiki Biography

God's Garden: The Biography of Fr Moses Berry

The Relics of St Moses the Ethiopian

The Feast of the Dormition of the Theotokos

The Dormition of the Theotokos

"In giving birth you kept your virginity. In falling asleep you did not abandon the world, O Mother of God. You passed over into life, for you are the Mother of Life, 

and by your intercessions you deliver our souls from death."

To-day the living ladder, through whom the Most High descended and was seen on earth, and conversed with men, was assumed into heaven by death. To-day the heavenly table, she, who contained the bread of life, the fire of the Godhead, without knowing man, was assumed from earth to heaven, and the gates of heaven opened wide to receive the gate of God from the East. To-day the living city of God is transferred from the earthly to the heavenly Jerusalem, and she, who, conceived her first-born and only Son, the first-born of all creation, the only begotten of the Father, rests in the Church of the first-born: the true and living Ark of the Lord is taken to the peace of her Son. The gates of heaven are opened to receive the receptacle of God, who, bringing forth the tree of life, destroyed Eve's disobedience and Adam's penalty of death. And Christ, the cause of all life, receives the chosen mirror, the mountain from which the stone without hands filled the whole earth. She, who brought about the Word's divine Incarnation, rests in her glorious tomb as in a bridal-chamber, whence she goes to the heavenly bridals, to share in the kingdom of her Son and God, leaving her tomb as a place of rest for those on earth. 

From St John of Damascus' sermon On the Assumption of the Theotokos

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for me.

Relevant Reading

On the Feast of the Dormition of the Theotokos

GOArch Listen Learn Share: The Dormition
Facing up to Mary

A Quote

Let nothing disturb you. Let nothing frighten you. All things are passing. God alone is changeless. He who has patience wants for nothing. He who has God has all things. God alone suffices. 

The "Bookmark" of St. Teresa of Avila

Acts and Consequences

"There is always a reason. Whenever anything has been mucked up, whenever anything outrageous happens, there is a reason for it. You still have a mucked up outrageous situation on your hands, however, and explaining it does not alleviate it one bit. If someone does something really rotten, there is a reason for it. Learn it if you care, and you know why he is a son-of-a-bitch. The fact is, the thing remains, though...It changes nothing to run a post-humous psychoanalysis. Acts and their consequences are the things by which our fellows judge us. Anything else and all that you get is a cheap feeling of moral superiority by thinking how you would have done something nicer if it had been you. So as for the rest, leave it to heaven. I'm not qualified.”

Corwin, The Great Book of Amber: The Complete Amber Chronicles: The Hand of Oberon, p479

"You'll never see the moments coming that will forever mutilate your soul--at least not until after they've mowed you down."

Savitar, Acheron p469

There have been many things over the years that I have tried to figure out and I just can't. I've recently come to the conclusion that it just doesn't matter. The why of things just doesn't matter. Once something is done, it's done. The fact remains and that is the part you have to deal with. The why (if you can find it out) is not actually important in the real world. Sometimes I've been so caught up in trying to figure out the "why" of things that I've not really done anything. In fact, I've sometimes gotten to the point of not even being able to figure out what to do because I'm so busy trying to figure out the why of things.

I'm getting to the point of not caring why people do what they do. People do what they do because they do what they do. That is enough. What is important is how I respond. I am responsible only for my responses to things that happen, not for knowing why they happen. I asked God years ago what He wants to me and I remembered that what needs doing has nothing to do with trying to figure out the "why" of things. WHY is just a distraction, a self-indulgent pass-time and does nothing to actually get anything done. God has a specific task for me and for every other Christian in the world.

He wants me to become a saint, just like He wants all of His children to become saints. He's laid out how to do that in the Bible and in the writings of the saints. It's a five part formula. It's component parts are:

Remember God. Say my prayers. Go to church. Forgive my brother. Obey the commandments.

Fr Thomas Hopko, presiding priest of  Monastery of the Transfiguration

When I do that and learn to do it consistently, in spite of what is going on around me, then I will know what else He wants of me. His "good, acceptable and perfect will" for me. And what do I do after I do that? Yeah, that's simple: Remember God. Say my prayers. Go to church. Forgive my brother. Obey the commandments.

But just because it's simple doesn't make it EASY, you know?

Lord have mercy on me a sinner.

Relevant Reading
The Hardest Part
The Bait and Switch of Contemporary Christianity

Thinking and the Lack of Civility

"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." ~ Aristotle

I like this statement and believe it. Discussion and careful consideration do not equal acceptance or approval. I wish a lot of people on both sides of many issues would realize this. Understanding this might go a long way toward increasing civil discourse in this country.

"What are the marks of a sick culture?"

"...It's a bad sign when the people of a country stop identifying themselves with the country and start identifying with a group. A racial group. Or a religion. Or a language. Anything so long as it's not the whole population."

"A very bad sign. Particularism...any country can fall sick with it."

"Dominance of males over females seems to be one of the symptoms. I suppose the reverse would be true but I haven't run across it...The population must lose faith in both the police and the courts." 

"Elementary. Go on."

"...High taxation is important and so is inflation of the currency and the ratio of the productive to those on the public payroll. But that's old hat; everyone knows a country is onthe skids when it's income and outgo get out of balance and stay that way--even though there are always endless attempts by legislation...Any law on the books that cannot be enforced weakens all other laws...I want to mention the obvious symptoms: Violence. Muggings. Sniping. Arson. Bombing. Terrorism of any sort. Riots of course--but I suspect that little incidents of violence, pecking away at people day after day damage a culture more than riots that flare up and die down."

"Friday, I think you have missed the most alarming symptom of all."

"I have? Are you going to tell me?"

"Mmm. This once I shall tell you. But go back and search for it. Examine it. Sick cultures show a complex of symptoms such as you have named...but a dying culture invariably exhibits personal rudeness. Bad manners. Lack of consideration for others in minor matters. A loss of politeness, of gentle manners, is more significant than is a riot...This symptom is especially serious in that an individual displaying it never thinks of it as a sign of ill health but as proof of his/her strength."

Friday p240-242, emphasis mine

I don't know about anyone else, but to me, that last paragraph sounds like the US these days. Especially when it comes to political and religious dissent.

Just a Prayer

I pray Thee, compassionate Lord, do not allow me to be condemned because of the unworthy and ungrateful manner in which I contemplate the great mysteries that Thou hast revealed to Thy saints and through them to me, a sinner and Thy unworthy servant. 

For see, Lord, Thy servant stands before Thee, idle in everything, speechless, as one who is dead; and I do not dare to say anything more or to presumptuously contemplate further. But as always I fall down before Thee, crying from the depths of my soul...

Blessed Queen of the universe, 

thou knowest that we sinners have no intimacy with God whom thou hast borne.But, putting our trust in thee, through thy mediation we thy servants prostrate ourselves before the Lord: for thou canst freely approach Him since He is thy son and our God.  Thus I, too, unworthy believer that I am, entreat thee, holy Queen, that I may be allowed to perceive the gifts of grace bestowed on thee and on the other saints, and to understand how thou dost display so many virtues. Simply thy giving birth to the Son of God shows that thou excellest all other beings. For He Who, as creator of all, knows all things before they come into existence, found thy womb worthy of His indwelling.

Both prayers by St. Peter of Damascus

God is Bigger than the Bogey Man

The Blessed Sts Bob and Larry

Kuketakion in the First Tomatone

God made you special and He loves you very much!

Sometimes in the middle of all that is happening, I have to retreat and try to remember this. It's simple. It's easy. It gets lost in the whirlwind. Yeah, that's the image--a tornado, like in the Wizard of Oz, with all this stuff swirling around that I'm trying to catch and hold for some reason...I need to just stand in the eye of the storm and remember this while I wait on the Lord.

But Moses said to the people, ‘Do not be afraid, stand firm, and see the deliverance that the Lord will accomplish for you today; for the Egyptians whom you see today you shall never see again. The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to keep still.’

Exodus 14:13-14

Turn to me and be gracious to me,

   for I am lonely and afflicted. 

Relieve the troubles of my heart,

   and bring me out of my distress. 

Consider my affliction and my trouble,

   and forgive all my sins. 

Consider how many are my foes,

   and with what violent hatred they hate me. 

O guard my life, and deliver me;

   do not let me be put to shame, for I take refuge in you. 

May integrity and uprightness preserve me,

   for I wait for you. 

Psalm 24:16-21

The Lord of hosts is with us;

   the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah 

Come, behold the works of the Lord;

   see what desolations he has brought on the earth. 

He makes wars cease to the end of the earth;

   he breaks the bow, and shatters the spear;

   he burns the shields with fire. 

‘Be still, and know that I am God!

   I am exalted among the nations,

   I am exalted in the earth.’ 

The Lord of hosts is with us;

   the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah 

Psalm 46:7-11

Comfort, O comfort my people,

   says your God. 

Speak tenderly to Jerusalem,

   and cry to her

that she has served her term,

   that her penalty is paid,

that she has received from the Lord’s hand

   double for all her sins. 

Isaiah 40:1-2

O afflicted one, storm-tossed, and not comforted, I am about to set your stones in antimony,

   and lay your foundations with sapphires. 

I will make your pinnacles of rubies, your gates of jewels,

   and all your wall of precious stones. 

All your children shall be taught by the Lord, and great shall be the prosperity of your children. 

In righteousness you shall be established; you shall be far from oppression, for you shall not fear;

   and from terror, for it shall not come near you. 

If anyone stirs up strife, it is not from me; whoever stirs up strife with you shall fall because of you. 

Isaiah 54:11-15

 And leaving the crowd behind, they took him with them in the boat, just as he was. Other boats were with him. A great gale arose, and the waves beat into the boat, so that the boat was already being swamped. But he was in the stern, asleep on the cushion; and they woke him up and said to him, ‘Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?’ He woke up and rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, ‘Peace! Be still!’ Then the wind ceased, and there was a dead calm. He said to them, ‘Why are you afraid? Have you still no faith?’ And they were filled with great awe and said to one another, ‘Who then is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?’

Mark 4:36-41

Now as they went on their way, he entered a certain village, where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. She had a sister named Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to what he was saying. But Martha was distracted by her many tasks; so she came to him and asked, ‘Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to do all the work by myself? Tell her then to help me.’ But the Lord answered her, ‘Martha, Martha, you are worried and distracted by many things; there is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part, which will not be taken away from her.’

Luke 10:38-42

Could You Not Endure For Just One Hour?

... SUFFERING

(from the book: “Eternal Mysteries Beyond The Grave”)

There was a paralytic who, becoming impatient of his suffering, cried out to the Lord and asked that his miserable life might end.

An angel appeared to him and said: “Very well. Since the Lord is unspeakably good, He will respond to your prayer. He will put an end to your life on earth, but on one condition. Will you consent to spend three hours in hell instead of suffering one more year on earth? Hell cleanses every man, as gold is purified in the fire, and your sins need cleansing. You were destined to suffer from your illness one more year, so that the paralysis of your body might cleanse you of your sins. Like all believers, you have no road to heaven except the way of the cross, opened by the sinless God-Man. This road seems to have tired you on earth; well then, experience what hell is, where all sinners go. Yet you must experience it for three hours only, and then you will be saved through the prayers of Holy Church.”

The sufferer thought about these words. A year of suffering on earth seemed and unbearably long time. “I would rather endure the three hours,” he finally said to the angel. The angel quietly took up his suffering soul, enclosed it in the abyss of hell, and then departed, saying, ”In three hours I shall appear again and take you away from here.”

The darkness that reigned all around, the closeness, the indescribable sounds of the cries emitted by sinners, the sight of the evil spirits in all their hellish ugliness - all this formed for the miserable sufferer one overwhelming feeling of fear and sickness.

Everything that he saw or heard was full of suffering, and there was no hint of any happy sound throughout the limitless abyss of hell. He saw nothing except the fiery eyes of demons glistening in the darkness, and their gigantic shadows, which seemed about to oppress, devour, and burn him with their hellish breath. The poor suffer trembled and cried out, but there was no response to his cries except an echo which died down somewhere in the far distance of the abyss, and the bubbling of the hellish fire. It seemed to him that whole centuries of suffering had already passed, and from one moment to the next he was waiting for the light-bearing angel.

Finally the sufferer despaired of the angel’s coming. Gnashing his teeth, he groaned, he roared with all his strength, but no one listened to him. All the sinners who were languishing in the dark abyss were occupied with themselves, and only thought of their own suffering.

After some time, however, the calm light of angelic glory spread over the abyss. The angel approached our sufferer and with a celestial smile asked him, “How are you, brother?” 

“I never thought an angel’s tongue was capable of a lie,” the sufferer whispered with a barely audible voice which was breaking with suffering.

“What do you mean?” the angel asked.

“How can you ask?”, the sufferer said. “You promised to take me away from here after three hours, but now whole years, perhaps whole centuries have passed, filled for me with unspeakable suffering!”

“What years, what centuries?”, the angel asked, mildly smiling. “Only an hour has passed since I left you here, and two more remain.”

“Two more?”, the sufferer asked alarmed. “Two more hours? I cannot endure them, I have no strength left! If only it may be possible, if only this is the Lord’s will, I beg you to take me away from here! I should rather suffer for years and centuries on earth, even to the last day, to the time of Christ’s coming at the last judgment; but do take me away, I cannot stay here! Take pity on me!” Thus the sufferer groaned and cried out stretching hims arms to the angel of light.

“Good”, said the angel. “God, the Father of mercy and of comfort, will reveal His mercy to you.” At these words the sufferer opened his eyes and saw himself once again lying on his bed. All his senses were extremely weary, and the suffering of his body had affected his spirit as well. Yet from that time he sweetly endured his suffering on earth, for he bore in memory the horror of suffering in hell, and thanked the Lord, who is merciful to all. 

(Taken from the letters of our Father of the Holy Mountain; page 183, letter 15, 1883)

(The actual title is “One Hour Of Suffering”. This is an unauthorized copy of Chapter 31 from the above mentioned book. Please pardon any typos. May you be blessed - Andrew)

Lord have mercy on me, a sinner.

Relevant Reading
Eternal Mysteries Beyond the Grave (book)
Preface of Eternal Mysteries Beyond the Grave 

Yabbut...

...and then I go and do something stupid.

...I am of the flesh, sold into slavery under sin. I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree that the law is good. But in fact it is no longer I that do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells within me, that is, in my flesh. I can will what is right, but I cannot do it. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I do. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I that do it, but sin that dwells within me.

 So I find it to be a law that when I want to do what is good, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God in my inmost self, but I see in my members another law at war with the law of my mind, making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!

So then, with my mind I am a slave to the law of God, but with my flesh I am a slave to the law of sin.

Romans 7:14-26

Lord have mercy on me a sinner.