On Repentance

‎"Repentance is the renewal of baptism. Repentance is a contract with God for a second life. A penitent is a buyer of humility. Repentance is constant distrust of bodily comfort. Repentance is self-condemning reflection, and carefree self-care. Repentance is the daughter of hope and the renunciation of despair. A penitent is an undisgraced convict. Repentance is reconciliation with the Lord by the practice of good deeds contrary to the sins. Repentance is purification of conscience. Repentance is the voluntary endurance of all afflictions. A penitent is the inflicter of his own punishments. Repentance is a mighty persecution of the stomach, and a striking of the soul into vigorous awareness." 

~ St. John Climacus of the Ladder

The Ladder of Divine Ascent, 5th Rung

Lord have mercy on me, a sinner. Holy Mary, Mother of God, please pray that I would acquire the spirit of true repentance.

Relevant Reading

The Ladder of Divine Ascent

On the Icon of the Ladder

St John Climacus

There, but for the Grace of God, Go I...

Hallelujah! He has set me free!





I need to remember that. He has set me free from so many things, situations, people, issues, annoyances, blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda. He simply sliced them away from me, breaking my chains and letting me fly like a bird from a snare. I must remember that He is my portion in the land of the living and as long as I remain with God, I have no one and nothing to fear.
Lord have mercy on me, a sinner.

Relevant Reading
Psalm 142
Psalm 124:6-8

On Unanswered Prayer...A Russian Tale (with Subtitles)

Thank you for sharing this with me, SM! 

Lord forgive me, the sinner, for doubting your mercifulness. I repent. Help me to repent...

The Confession of St Patrick

 For there is no other God, nor ever was before, nor shall be hereafter, but God the Father, unbegotten and without beginning, in whom all things began, whose are all things, as we have been taught; and his son Jesus Christ, who manifestly always existed with the Father, before the beginning of time in the spirit with the Father, indescribably begotten before all things, and all things visible and invisible were made by him. He was made man, conquered death and was received into Heaven, to the Father who gave him all power over every name in Heaven and on Earth and in Hell, so that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord and God, in whom we believe. And we look to his imminent coming again, the judge of the living and the dead, who will render to each according to his deeds. And he poured out his Holy Spirit on us in abundance, the gift and pledge of immortality, which makes the believers and the obedient into sons of God and co-heirs of Christ who is revealed, and we worship one God in the Trinity of holy name.

From The Confession of St Patrick

I arise today

through the strength of Christ with His Baptism,

through the strength of His Crucifixion with His Burial,

through the strength of His Resurrection with His Ascension,

through the strength of His descent for the Judgment of Doom.

I arise today

through the strength of the love of Cherubim,

in obedience of Angels, in the service of the Archangels,

in hope of resurrection to meet with reward,

in prayers of Patriarchs, in predictions of Prophets,

in preachings of Apostles, in faiths of Confessors,

in innocence of Holy Virgins, in deeds of righteous men.

~ The Breastplate of St Patrick

Holy St Patrick, pray to God for me, a sinner.

Relevant Reading

The Breastplate of St Patrick

The Relics of St Patrick

Patrick of Ireland

I am Annoyed

 Why do people assume that because a woman cannot be a priest, she is somehow being held back from serving the Orthodox Church? In spite of hundreds if not thousands of examples to the contrary.

Handmaidens of the Lord

St Mary Magdalene

 Does the example of Christ Himself, Who though He was in the form of God, did not regard equality with God as something to be exploited, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a slave, being born in human likeness. And being found in human form, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death—even death on a cross (Phil 2:6-8) mean nothing?

St Photini, the Samaritan Woman at the Well

St Thekla, Protomartyr

I have not been able to comprehend this attitude since coming into the Orthodox Church. I mean, seriously, does the ability to convey the gospel ONLY come from standing at the altar and being able to spoon the Body and Blood into people's mouths? Or does it come from obedience to the command of Christ? Shall we perhaps consider the Holy Myrrhbearers; those women called Equal-to-the-Apostles; St. Mary Magdalen called the Apostle to the Apostles; or the Theotokos herself? None of them seemed to have any problem with not being priests and they all preached the gospel--some before Emperors, others before large groups of men and women. So why do people take such issue with this?

And before you toss St Paul at me, he did not have an issue with women preaching the gospel either. He traveled with and preached with women, for pete's sake! He commended many women by name in his epistles, and (in that one epistle people like to toss around so very out of context) he exhorted St Timothy to remember the teaching of his mother Eunice, and grandmother, Lois, who gave their faith to Timothy whose father was not a Christian.

I definitely do not feel slighted in the least and have no clue how anyone really could.

St Helen, Equal to the Apostles

Unless they have no inkling of the history of women in the Church.

Lord have mercy on me a sinner.

Relevant Reading
Theotokos
St. Mary Magdalen, Apostle to the Apostles, Equal to the Apostles
Holy Myrrhbearers
St. Nino, Equal to the Apostles
St Thekla, Protomartyr and Equal to the Apostles
St Apphia, Equal to the Apostles
St Nana, Empress of Georgia and Equal to the Apostles
St Photini, the Samaritan Woman at the Well
St Helen, Mother of St Constantine and Equal to the Apostles
Women Saints of the Orthodox Church

Do Overs...I'm Not Waiting 'til I'm 85 for Mine!

Source: gardenofsimple.tumblr.com via Elizabeth on Pinterest

And so Lent begins...

Open to me the doors of repentance, O Life-giver. For my spirit rises early to pray towards Thy holy temple, bearing the temple of my body all defiled. But in Thy compassion, purify me by the loving kindness of Thy mercy.

 Have mercy on me, O God, according to Thy great mercy; and according to the multitude of Thy compassions, blot out my transgression. When I think of the multitude of ghastly things I have done, wretch that I am, I tremble at the fearful day of Judgment. But trusting in the mercy of Thy loving kindness; like David I cry to Thee: Have mercy on me, O God, according to Thy great mercy.

Please forgive me for any offenses I may have caused you. 

Relevant Reading

Great Lent: What Fasting South Park and Your Inner Toddler Have in Common

Forgiveness Sunday ~ Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh [Bloom]

Troparia. Kontakia, Prayers and Stichiras from the Lenten Triodion
"Giving up Something" for Lent ~ Fr. Andrew Damick

The Cure is Acesis

Just a quick comment. One of the most difficult issues that I have as a confessor, particularly with converts who have not been well catechized, is their sense that there must be a religious "silver bullet" or "magic prayer" that will make them want to be good, and/or give them a special "energy boost" that will make overcoming their passions and the damaged inclinations of their character easy and "natural." Very few seem to understand that they are at war with themselves - that the rational will, under the illumination of the Holy Spirit and the grace of God, must struggle to overcome the passions - the desires - physical and mental - to do that which the rational will recognizes to be, on the whole, that which is wrong to do. I get asked questions like "Father, how do I get myself to stop wanting to do X?" The answer, of course, is asceticism. We struggle to change who we are - from what we have become, to what God intended, by intentionally starving the passions of pleasure of reward, and by consciously willing to do that which we do not yet desire, but know that we should - and eventually must - if we are to be made citizens fit for heaven. I have them read the account of St. Mary of Egypt's description of her own struggles in the desert to overcome her passionate desire to sin - she makes no effort to hide the extremity of will involved, and the suffering that such an effort of will can cause in the body and mind of a human being whose passions are used to getting their own way. The Orthodox cure is ascesis - self-denial, fasting, obedience (to God's law, at least), mindfulness, dispossession (yup, one has to lighten the load), and prayer - conjoined with regular and honest confession, and reception of the Holy Mysteries. I constantly fight this hidden notion that becoming Christ-like should be easy, fun and painless, and that becoming Orthodox should, in some sense, simply deliver us from the tedious and difficult process of genuine character formation. If I could drill one thing into the minds of catechumens, it would be this: Christianity is a marathon, the goal of which is the Kingdom of Heaven, the shared life and joy of the Holy Trinity, which is worth anything you have to give up in order to attain, and whose doors are standing open for those who make it to the end. Start training now. Salvation is hard work, and it can take a while before you get your second wind and the running becomes joyful and natural.

 There is no escape from the burden - or the dignity - of freedom, and there is no secret way to salvation that will bypass the human will. One must choose to be saved - not once, but over, and over, and over again. And we have to choose it, not only when it is easy, but when it is hard as well. God will give you strength, and grace, but He will never give you (like manna to the children of Israel) more than you need. You cannot be saved against your will, and God cannot choose for you, because if he did, there would not longer be any "you" there to save. Buck up. Have courage. Be a man (or woman). Gird up your loins and say unto your soul: "I will arise, and return to my Father's house, where even the servants have enough to eat." It will be hard, traveling on an empty stomach. But hard, or not - and for those who have lived off of the left-over pig husks for too long, and are almost dead from malnutrition, it can be very hard indeed - one should still flee the land that is starving you.

A Facebook Comment from Fr. Cassian Sibley (all emphasis mine)

Quite apropos as we approach Great Lent. Lord have mercy on me, a sinner.

Relevant Reading

The Life of St Mary of Egypt

Philippians 2:12

Like Yeast...

‘To what should I compare the kingdom of God? It is like yeast that a woman took and mixed in with three measures of flour until all of it was leavened.
~ Luke 13:18-19

Today, I was listening to some music from my iPod. It was set on shuffle and so I had an interesting mix of stuff playing as I drove my son to school. About halfway there, the song Agnus Dei came on. I love this song, so I pumped it up and sang along. (Gabriel of course was mortified but he's a tween and everything I do mortifies him, so I must be doing something right.) In fact, I think I played it twice. And then I played it again after I dropped him off.

After it went off, some other song played. Secular. Probably by Janet or Michael Buble, I don't remember, but those two seem most likely because I have a lot of both their songs on my iTunes. Then I got home and kept humming it. It was stuck in my head but not in a bad way. I actually wanted to sing it and did until an actual human called me and I talked with her for a while. What struck me after that conversation was that, while the secular music came and went, this one stayed with me all day. I just kept thinking about the words (a very simple chorus) and praying all day, even when something else came up.

And that is when the verse above came to mind.

Yeast bubbles in bread dough

Most people know that yeast must be worked through the dough to make it rise. What many people don't know is that the yeast actually strengthens the dough so that it can rise. As the dough is kneaded, the flour and water molecules mix to create more and more gluten. As the yeast releases carbon dioxide into the rising dough, the protein and water molecules move around making more to connections and forming more gluten. In a sense, the yeast is almost a molecule-by-molecule kneading of the dough. More gluten means a stronger, more springy bread dough.

Taking the comparison a step farther, if the Kingdom of God is like yeast, what happens when the yeast of God works through our life? Not supplanting it, but becoming an inseparable and indissoluble part of it?

Well, Christ warned the Twelve about the leaven (yeast) of the Pharisees (Matthew 16:5-12) and they understood that leavening to be the teaching of the Pharisees and Sadducees (Matthew 16:12). I think that, by the same token, we can see that the yeast, the leaven, that represents the Kingdom would be the teaching of the Kingdom. And the teaching of the Kingdom is the Life of Christ. This is what Orthodoxy teaches.

It is within Christ that the Kingdom is to be experienced. For this reason, we cannot think of the Kingdom as something we are either “in” or “out” of. Through baptism and a life of repentance, we participate in the Life of Christ, and thus we participate in the Kingdom. The Kingdom is a dynamic state, wherein we grow in perfection through God’s grace. Our journey is not to the Kingdom, our journey is in the Kingdom. As long as we are struggling to be Christlike, we are assuredly tasting of the Fountain of Immortality. When the struggle ends and the growth ceases, the Kingdom disappears. It is nowhere to be found. The moment we think we have achieved something, that we have earned our place, then we have lost the Kingdom. Our struggles are meaningless without Christ, and vice versa: without struggles, we are meaningless, because we will lose Christ. Our Lord is only with those who need Him. When we lose our daily need for Him, then our souls become satisfied with the world. A man who does not hunger does not eat, and so one who does not hunger for God cannot partake of His goodness.
~ His Grace JOSEPH Bishop of the Diocese of Los Angeles and the West (all emphasis mine)

So "every day I'm shufflin'" (to quote LMFAO) not to get somewhere, but to remain somewhere. To remain in Christ and allow the leaven, the yeast, of His life and teaching permeate my own. It is the inevitable dissonance between who I strive to be in Christ by following His teachings, having God as my Father and the Church as my mother, that will lead to the strengthening of my spirit, but not because of anything I have done. Because of the way the Yeast of the Kingdom stretches me by requiring that I take up my cross and lose my life.

So here is that song that reminded me that I am simply dough to be worked into something warm, fragrant, and fresh to be offered to God as a splendid sacrifice, holy and without spot or blemish.

All because of a little bit of Yeast.

Lord have mercy on me, a sinner.


Relevant Reading

Luke 13:18-21

Matthew 16:5-12
Mark 8:34-38
Leviticus 24:5-9
Ephesians 5:25-27

Attaining the Kingdom of Heaven
Agnus Dei 

I Miss My Mom

Alberta Webb Gatling

1937 - 1995

Memory Eternal

I totally miss my mom. I am so glad I have the opportunity to see her again so I may thank her for her prayers, both while she was here, and while she is there. This is the woman who taught me how to wake up FULL of awesome!

Do you still have it?

The awesome.

Did someone take it from you?

Did you let them?

Did you hand it over, because someone told you weren’t beautiful enough, thin enough, smart enough, good enough?

Why the hell would you listen to them?

Did you consider they might be full of shit?
~ Waking Up Full of Awesome

Hey Mom...I had to go through much hell and swallowed much of the crap you warned me about, but I quit listening, puked a bit, and took some Maalox and damn if I didn't get my awesome back!

Relevant Reading

Wake Up Full of Awesome!