Obamacare -- My Two Cents

I got really tired of hearing "Obamacare this" and "Obamacare that" so I decided to go find it and read myself. Which many of our state representatives apparently did not do. As expected, it is an incredibly cumbersome document nd is expressed in more legalese than anyone should be subjected to but if one can read above an 8th grade level, it is not outside the realm of understanding. If you are interested, it is available at the link below.

I have not finished reading it. It is HUGE and it is also a cure for insomnia. Government documents often are. However, it is a pdf and so you can do word searches to find out stuff like, oh, must Congress and the POTUS use the mandated structure? (Yes they do, by the way, see Sec1312(d)(3)(D) (p81)) and are illegal immigrants eligible for coverage? (No, they are not, see Sec1312(f)(3) (p82)).

While I disagree with the idea of government mandated insurance, I know the system as it now is needs an overhaul (kind of like our Congress, but that is another post). There are huge numbers of folks who fall through the cracks because they make too much to qualify for Medicaid, but not enough to pay for living and going to the doctor and getting their medication. I'm one of them and it isn't fun trying to decide if I am going to pay a bill or pay for my meds in any given month. Usually, I pay the bill and suffer the consequences (which ain't pretty, let me tell you). Not having to do that would be awesome.

Imagine it...Paid bills while being properly medicated. The mind boggles...

Oops, sorry, my mind wandered. Anyway, if I did not have to have the meds and medical care, I have many, many things I would much rather use the money for besides paying for insurance. However, under this bill I'm forced to use the money to pay for medical insurance anyway or be fined, and I find that disturbing.

I am also still curious about how they plan to pay for this behemoth because it is not going to be cheap and is going to affect many people more negatively than positively. It's inevitable--it's called "unintended consequences" and with a change of this magnitude, the proportionate consequences will be equally as huge. However, it is SOMETHING which, IMO, is better than nothing. If nothing else, the fact that it was voted through forces us all to talk about the problem rather than kicking it further down the road like we've been doing to this point. I would love to see the discussion go from demonizing polarization to an actual conversation but I don't see that happening anytime soon, so this rather quickly cobbled together bill may be the only thing we can get until we collectively grow the heck up and quit bickering like little kids on a playground.

And no, I still have no idea who I am voting for. Voting for the lesser of two evils is still voting for evil and I have issues with this as a way of choosing the leader of my country.

JMO YMMV. Happy reading.

Lord have mercy on me a sinner.

Relevant Reading
Compilation of Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act

It is my grief that the right hand of the Most High has changed

The darkness which you have, my child, comes both from nature and from the tempter. Both are healed by the arrival of God's grace. For this reason, entreat God to give you sobriety and the ability to remember good things and forget bad things. When you persist, little by little the grace of God will help you.

~ Elder Ephraim of the Holy Mountain

I cry aloud to God,
   aloud to God, that he may hear me.
In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord;
   in the night my hand is stretched out without wearying;
   my soul refuses to be comforted.
I think of God, and I moan;
   I meditate, and my spirit faints.
          Selah


You keep my eyelids from closing;
   I am so troubled that I cannot speak.
I consider the days of old,
   and remember the years of long ago.
I commune with my heart in the night;
   I meditate and search my spirit:
‘Will the Lord spurn for ever,
   and never again be favourable?
Has his steadfast love ceased for ever?
   Are his promises at an end for all time?
Has God forgotten to be gracious?
   Has he in anger shut up his compassion?’
          Selah
And I say, ‘It is my grief
   that the right hand of the Most High has changed.’

I will call to mind the deeds of the Lord;
   I will remember your wonders of old.
I will meditate on all your work,
   and muse on your mighty deeds.
Your way, O God, is holy.
   What god is so great as our God?
You are the God who works wonders;
   you have displayed your might among the peoples.
With your strong arm you redeemed your people,
   the descendants of Jacob and Joseph.
          Selah



When the waters saw you, O God,
   when the waters saw you, they were afraid;
   the very deep trembled.
The clouds poured out water;
   the skies thundered;
   your arrows flashed on every side.
The crash of your thunder was in the whirlwind;
   your lightnings lit up the world;
   the earth trembled and shook.
Your way was through the sea,
   your path, through the mighty waters;
   yet your footprints were unseen.
You led your people like a flock
   by the hand of Moses and Aaron.
~ Psalm 77



Relevant Reading
Ephraim of Philotheou
Psalm 77

BEWARE!!

Apparently, I'm DANGEROUS and should not be allowed around certain children.

Yeah. My sentiments exactly. LOL! At first I was annoyed but now I just find it hilarious. LOL!

Lord have mercy on me, a sinner!

What If...?

What if nothing is wrong?

What if the pain, the frustration, the disappointment, the irritation, the injustice is purposeful?

What if where I am right now is exactly where God intends for me to be?

What if there is nothing to fix because this is what God has for me right now?

What then?

Can I accept it?

Will I accept it?

Or will I waste the pain?

I know that you have many sorrows and much...unpleasantness. But tell and enlighten yourself with the remembrance that in hell it is much worse, more wearying and doleful, and there is no hope of deliverance from it. If a person endures sorrows with submission to God’s will, confessing his sins, then he will through this be delivered from eternal torments. Therefore we had better endure unpleasantries here, no matter how difficult they are, turning our grief over to God and praying to Him with humility that He deliver us from faintheartedness and despair, which are the worst of all sins.

~ Elder Ambrose of Optina

If you want to serve God, prepare your heart not for food, not for drink, not for rest, not for ease, but for suffering, so that you may endure all temptations, trouble and sorrow. Prepare for severities, fasts, spiritual struggles and many afflictions, for "by many afflictions is it appointed to us to enter the Kingdom of Heaven" (Acts 14,22); "The Heavenly Kingdom is taken by force, and the who use force seize it". (Matt 11:12) 

~ St. Sergius of Radonezh, Life, 10

Lord have mercy on me, a sinner.

Relevant Reading
Acts 14:22
Matthew 11:7-15

Advice from My Saint to a Prince

"...You were right to come to me," she said; "with God's aid, I am certain I can help you. No matter what trials He sends us, if we have faith in Him and confidence in our prayers, He will give us the strength to bear them. When doubt assails you, do not despair - kneel before an icon of the Savior and pray; you will feel better at once. The tears you have just shed came from your heart. Always be guided by your heart rather than by your head, and your life will be transformed. Happiness does not consist in living in a palace or enjoying a large fortune; these can be lost. True happiness is something that neither men nor events can take from you. You will find it in Faith, in Hope and in Charity. Try to make those around you happy, and you will be happy yourself."

"..."Don't worry," she said, "I know more about you than you think. That is why I am so much interested in you. Anyone who is capable of doing much evil is also capable of doing much good, if he sets about it in the right way. No matter bow serious the offense, it is redeemed by sincere repentance, Remember, the only thing that defiles the soul is spiritual sin; it can remain pure in spite of carnal weaknesses. It is your soul that I am thinking of, and I want to lay it open to you. Fate has given you everything that a man could wish; you have received much, and much will be asked of you. Do not forget your responsibilities; you must set an example and earn the respect of others. The trials you are going through will teach you that life is not just a pastime. Think of all the good you can do! And all the evil! I have prayed much for you, and believe that Our Lord will hear me and help you."

~ Grand Duchess and Holy New Martyr of Russia, St Elizabeth Fyodorovna to Prince Felix Yussupov 

Lost Spendor, The Memoirs of Prince Yussupov, Chapter XIII

St Elizabeth is remembered on 5 July and she is my patron. Happy (Belated) Name Day to me! She was the granddaughter of  Queen Victoria and married Grand Duke Sergei Alexandrovich of the Russian Imperial family just before the Revolution. She converted to Orthodoxy from Lutheranism not long after her marriage after watching him and the rest of the family, and reading about the faith. St Elizabeth's younger sister, Alexandra, married Tsar Nicholas.

The Grand Duchess is a model to me of forgiveness and in displaying humility, acceptance, and mercy. I am so remiss in all those things. For example, her husband was assassinated by a bomb lobbed into his car by a terrorist (1905), outside the building where she was doing charity work. The blast was so powerful that the Grand Duke's fingers (with the rings still on) were found on the roof of a nearby building. The Grand Duchess heard the blast and ran outside. When she saw what happened, she gathered up the pieces of her husband's body herself and had them taken to her private chapel where she prayed for hours before going to clean the blood from her hands and change her clothes. After the funeral, she went to the prison where the assassin was kept and forgave him for the murder of her husband. After she left him, she petitioned the Tsar (her brother in law) not to execute the man. After this she withdrew from imperial social life and concentrated on charity work. Eventually she became a nun, founding St Mary and Martha Convent where the sisters could concentrate on working AND listening to God.

Like the rest of the imperial family, St Elizabeth was imprisoned and martyred by the revolutionaries in 1918. She was taken from her convent, along with another nun, St Barbara. According to reports, at no time did she rail against her captors but she always prayed for them and spent her time comforting the other members of the family with whom she was arrested.

I love reading Elizabeth's story. Like myself she was a convert and her journey to Orthodoxy was very similar to my own in some ways. Her words always inspired me and her life as it is recorded is a marvelous example. I'm sure I am a constant annoyance to her--I fall constantly but through the prayers of St Elizabeth I am able to stand and try again.

Rejoice, thou who didst deem mercy greater than sacrifice;
Rejoice, thou who prayest for sinners and penitents!
Rejoice, thou who didst bear thy cross to a new Golgotha
Rejoice, thou who didst not reject the crown of thorns offered thee!
Rejoice, thou didst put jealousy to flight
Rejoice, thou who reprovest thou who fall away from truth and grace!
Rejoice, thou who didst not set the love of family above the love of God
Rejoice, thou who didst fulfill the words of Christ!
Rejoice, thou who didst seek out the good in every man
Rejoice, thou who was sent unto Russia, to turn her away from evil to the good!
Rejoice, thou who dost ever cry out to Christ: Lord, have mercy
Rejoice, thou who standest invisible in our midst as we pray!

Ikos 2 of the Akathist to St Elizabeth New Martyr

Holy St Elizabeth, pray to God for me, a sinner!

Relevant Reading
A Short Life of St Elizabeth
An Account of the Murder of the Grand Duchess Elizabeth
Akathist Hymn To The Holy Martyred Nun Elizabeth

God Grant You Many More Years, Gabriel!

My son is TEN today! At 830am on 30 June 2002, my wonderful boy who has taught me so much came into the world. He was gifted to me by God through the heartbreak of another woman (Memory eternal!) and I am so grateful. As my mother said, he did not grow under my heart but he definitely has grown in my heart and he is such a blessing to me. Thank you, Father, for this gift. Please, please, please help me protect him, raise him in You, and in the Church.

The Lord promised me that He would always care for my boy. He reassured me years ago that my child shall be taught by the Lord, and great shall be the prosperity of my child. I have held onto that promise since 2007 and I will continue to hold onto it. So far He has not let me down and I know He never will.

O God, Maker of all creation, You have made me worthy to be a mother, and through Your goodness have bestowed a son upon me; and so I dare to say: this child is Yours, for You have given him being, have infused him with an immortal soul, and have raised him to life through baptism. 

And in accordance with Your will You have adopted him and received him into the bosom of Your Church. Send down to me Your gracious help in raising my son, for the glory of Your name. Bestow on me patience and strength to do Your will. 

Teach me to plant in his heart the root of true wisdom-the fear of the Lord-that all his life he may tremble at Your words. Open to him the understanding of Your law. Until the end of his days let him act with the sense that You are everywhere present.

Plant in his heart loathing for every transgression, that he may be pure, O Righteous Judge, who punishes children for the sins, but sprinkle him with the dew of Your grace.

O Heavenly Father, order the fate of my son according to Your blessings, do not deprive him in this life of his daily bread, send down to him in due time all that is necessary for the acquisition of blessings in eternity.

Be merciful to him, when he sins before You; look not upon the sins of his youth and ignorance; chastise him and have mercy on him, but turn not Your face away from him. Turn not Your face from him in the day of his tribulation, that he may not fall into temptations beyond his strength.

Cover him with Your mercy, that Your Angel may walk with him and preserve him. Abandon not my son, O Lord, and give him that which is profitable for salvation.

Amen.

Holy Mary, true Theotokos and Mother of God, who has borne the Saviour of our souls, pray for my son and for me! Lord have mercy on me, a sinner

Relevant Reading

Akathist to the Theotokos Nurturer of Children (as read by Khouria Frederica Mathewes Green)

Isaiah 54

Why?

"There is always a reason. Whenever anything has been mucked up, whenever anything outrageous happens, there is a reason for it. You still have a mucked up outrageous situation on your hands, however, and explaining it does not alleviate it one bit. If someone does something really rotten, there is a reason for it. Learn it if you care, and you know why he is a son-of-a-bitch. The fact is, the thing remains, though...It changes nothing to run a post-humous psychoanalysis. Acts and their consequences are the things by which our fellows judge us. Anything else and all that you get is a cheap feeling of moral superiority by thinking how you would have done something nicer if it had been you. So as for the rest, leave it to heaven. I'm not qualified.”

Corwin, The Great Book of Amber: The Complete Amber Chronicles: The Hand of Oberon, p479

Yeah, that. A couple of years ago I posted about acts and their consequences using this quote. Well, I've kind of worked through that piece of it. However, sometimes I find myself falling back into the habit of trying to figure out the why behind folks' behavior. Including my own. Yep. I, too, do things that make me go, "WTF???"

For example: suppose I go to bed after 200a because I am reading a book (which happens more often than I care to admit). Inevitably, I will wake up late, skip breakfast, just tether Chelsea outside instead of walking her, toss down some coffee, and run out the door. I'll down another cuppa, a Mt Dew, or a Coke (or two) before lunch, and probably something sugary and carbohydrate heavy out of the machine just because my stomach is empty. I might bolt a salad or half a sandwich at lunch (if I eat at all).

Result? By 200p, I'm going to be a mess, with no memory to speak of, making stupid mistakes, not thinking and wondering what is wrong with me. The answer to WHY I'm acting like a squirrel on crack isn't a mystery. The answer is I haven't done what I need to do to force my brain and body into line: I'm over caffeinated, under-exercised, and I haven't eaten enough for my high metabolism. My body is telling my brain to panic. DUH! No big mystery there. No need to do any deep analysis. Occam's Razor (in its most simplistic form) applies.


I'm learning to apply this way of thinking to other areas of my life as well. Sometimes I end up delving deeply into stuff that is really not that deep. Stuff that has a really simple, one sentence explanation when I pare it down. I don't have to go into any "post-humous psychoanalyses" about any of the things I wonder about. Ninety percent of the questions I ask of myself about stuff can be answered in one sentence. I don't need a defended dissertation. Just. One. Sentence.

So what does that mean in real life (or why does that merit this blog post)?

It means that I can free up brain space. When I can state the simplest answer to something...I free up that space in my head to work on things that are truly creative and beneficial to myself and to my son. Freed head space means I can think my way through the labyrinth that my life can sometimes become just because I am asking too many questions about things that just don't matter.

Why X? Because Y.

Simple.

Why did it take me an additional four years to figure that out? Because I like to make things more complicated than they really need to be. I have this thing about making things complicated.

And that is just silly of me. I can be silly without all the drama that sort of thing entails. ~shudder~ And it's much more fun besides. LOL!

Much more importantly however, if my mind is running madly to nowhere like some crazy insomniac hamster on a squeaky wheel, how can I keep my mind on God? Simple once sentence answer - I CAN'T.

A cleared mind allows me to focus on hearing His voice. I can renew my mind not by wondering about why X is/is not, but by keeping it on Him and on what His will is for me from day to day and moment to moment. If I am worried and concerned about so many trivial and random things, how can I ever hear Him as He promised I would be able to?

No more hamsters!

Lord have mercy on me, a sinner.

Relevant Reading
Acts and Consequences
Occam's Razor
Colossians 3:1-4
Romans 12:1-2
Luke 10:38-42
John 10:3-5

A Prayer of St Ephraim the Syrian

Make me whole, O Lord, and I will become whole! O only wise and merciful Physician, I beseech Thy benevolence: heal the wounds of my soul and enlighten the eyes of my mind that I may understand my place in Thine eternal design! And inasmuch as my heart and mind have been disfigured, may Thy grace repair them, for it is as true salt.

What shall I say to Thee, O Knower of the heart who searchest the heart and inner workings of men? Indeed, Thou knowest that, like a waterless land, my soul thirsts after Thee and my heart longs for Thee. And Thy grace has always sated those that love Thee.

Thus, as Thou has always heard me, so now do not scorn my prayer. For Thou seest that my mind, like a prisoner, seeks Thee, the Only true Savior.

Send Thy grace, that it may satisfy my hunger and quench my thirst. For insatiably do I desire Thee, O my Master! And who can have enough of Thee if he truly loves Thee and thirsts for Thy truth?

O Giver of light! Fulfill my supplications and grant me Thy gifts according to my prayer; impart to my heart just one drop of Thy grace, that the flame of Thy love may begin to burn in my heart; and, like a fire, may it consume evil thoughts like thorns and thistles!

Give me all this in abundance; grant it to me as God unto man, as the King to His subjects, and increase it as a kind Father.

- A prayer by St. Ephraim the Syrian

The Mercy of Confession

I have sinned in deed, word and thought, knowingly and unknowingly, willingly and unwillingly, thoughtfully and thoughtlessly, and it is impossible to enumerate all of my sins because of their multitude. But I truly repent of these and all others not mentioned by me because of my forgetfulness and I ask that they be forgiven through the abundance of the Mercy of God.

~St John of Kronstadt, A Preparation for Confession

Sometimes just the thought of going to confession is a ready and helpful deterrent from sin. I mean seriously, who wants to go list out what they have done to someone's face? Especially someone who is in authority over you? I sometimes joke and say it is easier to ask forgiveness than permission, but honestly, it isn't. It so isn't. It's way easier to just not think/say/do stuff that I will find myself needing to confess later. I put it off and put it off but then I just have to go do it.

Come now, let us argue it out, says the Lord: though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be like snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool. 

Isaiah 1:18

Praise God, but I think my Spiritual Father has seen and heard it all. He doesn't even blink. His gentle chiding  is always couched in kind words of guidance and love. He knows me. He knows where I have come from and what I have endured. He is so encouraging and his mercifulness when it comes to saying the truth but not in such a way as to rip me into shreds is such a blessing. Lord have mercy on my priest! He has to put up with meafter all!

Confession is one of the rites of the Church that I was most drawn to. Actually experiencing the forgiveness of God as spoken over me by the prayers that have come down to us since the earliest days of the Church is one of the greatest gifts God has ever given us. I have no idea why anyone would not want to--other than embarrassment and how minor is a few moments of embarrassment in the grand scheme of eternity?

Therefore confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another, so that you may be healed. The prayer of the righteous is powerful and effective.

James 5:16

The Lord does know all my sins but for some reason He has decreed we should confess them aloud to Him before a witness. Considering how clean and light-hearted and renewed I always feel afterward, I am sure there is more to this command than just the nominally preventative power of embarrassment. After all, if it is really that embarrassing to you, you could just not confess it. But the command is there: Confess your sins to one another, not just get someplace quiet and tell God what He already knows. I don't pretend to know what it is beyond the collective recognition that all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. (Romans 3:23)

Whatever it is, I so appreciate what the Lord has done. His gifts are always good!

Lord, I thank you for the mercy you have shown me, the chiefest of sinners!

Fear...

...sometimes it makes us do things that are stupid beyond all mortal ken. Sometimes it makes us brave. Sometimes it makes us brave enough to do things that look stupider beyond all mortal ken to any eyes besides our own. I want to be brave, not stupid.

And I don't particularly care what people think about the things I do anymore.

I lift my eyes unto the hills.
Where does my help come from?

The Flight of Hamwings by Ursulav

My help comes from the Lord,
    the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not allow [my] foot to be moved;
He who keeps [me] will not slumber.
Behold, He who watches over Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord shall protect [me];
    the Lord is [my] shelter at [my] right hand.
The sun shall not burn [me] by day, nor the moon by night.
The Lord shall preserve [me] from all evil;
    the Lord shall preserve [my] soul.
The Lord shall preserve [my] going out and [my] coming in
    from this time forth, and forevermore.

~Psalm 121

O guard my life and deliver me;
   do not let me be put to shame, for I take refuge in you.
May integrity and uprightness preserve me,
    for I wait for you

~ Psalm 25:20-21

Vindicate me, O Lord,
   for I have walked in my integrity,
   and I have trusted in the Lord without wavering.
Prove me, O Lord, and try me;
   test my heart and mind.
For your steadfast love is before my eyes,
   and I walk in faithfulness to you...
..But as for me, I walk in my integrity;
   redeem me, and be gracious to me.
My foot stands on level ground;
   in the great congregation I will bless the Lord.

~Psalm 26:1-3, 11-12

Lord have mercy on me, a sinner.






Relevant Reading
Psalm 121
Isaiah 54:4-8
Psalm 25
Psalm 26
The Flight of Hamwings