Yeah...

That person in the parachute...That would be me. Thank you Jesus for your mercy on me!

Attend!

During the liturgy, the deacon chants "Wisdom! Attend!" to remind the congregation to pay close attention because something important is about to be said.

God speaks to me in specific ways that get my attention. I think He must do that for all people. We just need to tune in to whatever channel He speaks to us on. We need to be attentive and constantly listening. I think if He used to speak to you and has stopped, you must still need to be obedient to the last thing He said to do. At least that has been my experience. I'm willing to be wrong. On my channel, God has been nudging me about a few things lately. Gentle nudges. (Now that I understand how He speaks to me, He doesn't have to whack me over the head with a 2x4 to get my attention. Much. ~wink~) There are new things, things I need to do to get ready for this next chapter of my life He has in store for me. And there are things I need to be continually doing that He is reminding me of.

With the Nativity Fast coming up in just a couple of weeks (wow this year has gone by so quickly!!), I can prepare myself even more because even though some of the things I need to do are easy and will be no tribble at all, others will be exactly like peeling my own skin off with a cheese grater.

I think the thing that boosts my anxiety to its highest levels will be creating a livable schedule to deal with the changes in my life that school will bring about. I get fatigued very easily simply because of how I am wired. In spite of that, I need to add in regular, daily, hard exercise. Anyone who knows me knows I don't believe in sweating so that in itself is going to be a major issue. Then I need to put in study time, work, and schooling Gabriel...Whyizzit I can organize everything and everyone else under the sun except my life?

And then there is That Other Thing I'm going to have to come to grips with eventually.

As St Paul says, "I can do all things through Him Who strengthens me."

Lord have mercy on me a sinner.

Relevant Reading
Philippians 4:13
On the Nativity Fast - The Preparation of the Soul

I Like This Guy!

Because it is the most character-building, two-letter word in the English language, children have the right to hear their parents say "No" at least three times a day.
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Children have the right to find out early in their lives that their parents don't exist to make them happy, but to offer them the opportunity to learn the skills they will need to eventually make themselves happy.
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Children have a right to scream all they want over the decisions their parents make, albeit their parents have the right to confine said screaming to certain areas of their homes.
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Children have the right to find out early that their parents care deeply for them but don't give a hoot what their children think about them at any given moment in time.
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Because it is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, children have the right to hear their parents say "Because I said so" on a regular and frequent basis.
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Because it is the most character-building activity a child can engage in, children have the right to share significantly in the doing of household chores.
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Every child has the right to discover early in life that he isn't the center of the universe (or his family or his parents' lives), that he isn't a big fish in a small pond, and that he isn't the Second Coming, so as to prevent him from becoming an insufferable brat.
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Children have the right to learn to be grateful for what they receive, therefore, they have the right to receive all of what they truly need and very little of what they simply want.
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Children have the right to learn early in their lives that obedience to legitimate authority is not optional, that there are consequences for disobedience, and that said consequences are memorable and, therefore, persuasive.
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Every child has the right to parents who love him/her enough to make sure he/she enjoys all of the above rights.
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www.rosemond.com...in touch with common sense.
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Recently I have been amazed by God's goodness. He has come through for me in so many ways this month that I cannot even begin to thank Him for all He's done!

God is Good!

Somedays I wonder why He puts up with me. I complain and b!tch and whine and moan, only to discover that He's had the issue covered all the time!

Hallelujah! Lord have mercy on me a faithless sinner!

Wisdom

Today I spent two hours being given hope. I know that sounds odd but the whole time I was thinking, "I can do this! This is possible!"

For the longest time, I have had a dream and now I know it is not an impossible dream. I know there is, in all honesty, probability that I will be able to achieve this dream!

Glory be to God! Thank you, Father, for your goodness! Please continue to have mercy on me, a sinner!

Looking for Something Good

Tsa-wa-ke, Looking for Something Good, was too beautiful to have been produced by chance. Her features looked as though they had been carved in cedar by a master, then rubbed smooth and oiled until they glowed and flowed in graceful curves from her rounded chin to ther vaulting black eyebrows.
Ride the Wind, Lucia St Clair Robson, p57

I love internet quizzes. I take random quizzes just to entertain myself and see if I can fool the quiz or if the answer will be what I think it is. It's a moderate amount of fun and makes for a good time waster when I need to be doing something (anything) else.

I recently took one called, "What's Your Indian [Native American] Name" and got the result Star Willow or something lame like that. I mean it was pretty but rather, ah, stereotypical. When I took it, I remembered this book I read a million years ago who had a name that really struck me. Tsa-wa-ke, Looking for Something Good. She was tall, beautiful, intelligent, fun-loving and (as eventually revealed) flawed. In other words, she was human.

I too could claim that name. I am also "Looking for Something Good". So much has happened since the bomb dropped a couple of years ago that I think I have just been waiting for the smoke to clear and the ejecta to quit falling. Now the damage has been assessed and the triage completed, it is time to move away from Ground Zero and quit going back to poke at the destruction.

By no means does this mean everything is hunky dorey, sunshine and puppy dogs. What it means is that I see sun! I see blessing! I expect to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living!

I am Looking for Something Good! I am Holy and Redeemed! I am Sought Out and Not Forsaken! I am Delighted In and Worthy! I have been given a calling and a new name!

Alleluia! Blessed be the Name of the Lord!

Relevant Verses
Ruth 3:11
Psalm 40
Psalm 55
Isaiah 54
Isaiah 62 (Isaiah 62:2)
Revelation 2:17
Revelation 3:12

When You Fall, Rise

A friend of mine posted this on Facebook today:

"When you fall, rise, and when you sin, repent. Just never let the poison of despair penetrate into your heart, seeing the great sea of God's compassion. No matter how many sins one commits, they go away and vanish in the sea of God's goodness."
Elder Ephraim

Such a good thing to remember.

Temptation

I am often tempted. Many things tempt me. Many times I fall into it, but I struggle not to succumb. Nothing good ever comes of it. As the book says, first the lust, then the conception of sin, then the birth of the sin and the destruction.

I've experienced all of the above. I've been a victim of others who did all of the above. I've wrought all of the above. I praise the Lord and rely so heavily on the ability to ask for forgiveness for what I have done. The Lord knows I have enough on my hands to make a whole new disastrous world. Only the Lord can cleanse me of that. I know it. I admit it. Have mercy on me, a sinner.

Have mercy on me, O God, according to Thy great mercy; and according to the multitude of Thy compassions, blot out my transgression. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. For I realize my iniquity, and my sin is before me continually. Against Thee only have I sinned I and done evil in Thy sight, that Thou mayest be justified in Thy words and win when Thou art judged.For, behold, I was conceived in iniquities, and in sins did my mother desire me. For, lo, Thou lovest truth; the unknown and secret things of Thy wisdom Thou hast made known to me. Thou shalt sprinkle me with hyssop, and I shall be cleansed; Thou shalt wash me, and I shall become whiter than snow.Thou shalt make me hear joy and gladness; the bones that have been humbled will rejoice. Turn Thy face from my sins, and blot out all my iniquities.Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from Thy face, I and take not Thy Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Thy salvation, and confirm me with a princely spirit. I shall teach Thy ways to the lawless and the godless will return to Thee. Deliver me from blood, O God - O God of my salvation - and my tongue shall extol Thy justice. O Lord, Thou wilt open my lips, and my mouth shall declare Thy praise. For if Thou hadst desired sacrifice, I would have given it; but burnt offerings do not please Thee. The sacrifice for God is a contrite spirit; a contrite and humble heart God will not despise. Gladden Sion, O Lord, with Thy good will; and let the walls of Jerusalem be built. Then Thou wilt be pleased with the sacrifice of righteousness, the oblation and burnt offerings; then they will offer calves on Thine altar.

Save, Lord, and have mercy on those who hate me and offend me, and do me harm. Do not let them perish because of me, a sinner.

Relevant Verses
Psalm 51 (50)
1 Corinthians 10:13
James 1:12-16

Distraction

Now as they went on their way, he entered a certain village, where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. She had a sister named Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to what he was saying. But Martha was distracted by her many tasks; so she came to him and asked, ‘Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to do all the work by myself? Tell her then to help me.’ But the Lord answered her, ‘Martha, Martha, you are worried and distracted by many things; there is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part, which will not be taken away from her.’
Luke 10:38-42 emphasis mine

Distraction seems to be the name of the game for me these days. Once upon a time, I could focus quite easily for hours on whatever it was I was doing: writing, reading, studying. I could totally absorb myself in the flow and lose track of all time. These days I am sometimes surprised to make it all the way home in one piece.

Main Entry: ²dis·tract Pronunciation: \di-ˈstrakt\

Function: transitive verb

Etymology: Middle English, from Latin distractus, past participle of distrahere, literally, to draw apart, from dis- + trahere to draw

Date: 14th century

- having the attention diverted especially because of anxiety

Well that explains a few things and is relatively apropos.

Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
Philippians 4:6

Therein lies the rub, I think. I'm already muddling things up by being "worried and distracted by many things" after I've been expressly told not to worry about anything.

When I wasn't worried, when I was sure about my course and about what was right and what was wrong, I was not distracted. I was firmly founded. Now I am worse than any sapling in a wind, because at least the sapling has roots! I feel like a leaf. Or rather I feel like I am trying to catch, catalog and file fallen leaves in autumn during a windstorm. (There's a mental image for you.)

WHY?? Those dang leaves don't need catching, cataloging or filing! They fell off because dead leaves fall. I don't need to subject myself to an OCD moment of trying to fix them. The leaves don't need fixing. They aren't fixable. They need to be bagged up and put on the corner with the rest of the trash so they can be carted away and forgotten about.

Brilliant eh?

Let's see if I can do it. ~wink~

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.