Today the Triodion Begins

Glory to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit Open to me the door of repentance, O Life Giver, For my sprirt rises to pray toward Thy Holy Temple Bearing the temple of my body all defiled; But in Thy compaasion,  Purify me by the loving kindness of Thy mercy Both now and ever and unto the ages of ages. Amen Lead me on the paths of salvation, O Mother of God, for I have profaned my soul with shameful sins and have wasted my life in laziness; but by thy intercessions deliver me from all impurity. Have mercy on my O God according to Thy great mercy and according to the multitude of Thy compassions, blot out my transgressions. When I think of the many evil things I have done; wretch that I am, I tremble at the fearful day of judgement, but trustuing in Thy loving-kindness like David I cry to Thee: Have mercy on me, O God, Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me, O God according to Thy great mercy.

Relevant Reading

The Triodion
Open to Me the Doors of Repentance

My Name is Not Sheila...Yet

I love this movie. Every time I watch it I remember, I am not Sheila anymore. But maybe...one day...I'll be able to feel this way, too.

I can already say this, however: "And I wake up...I wake up with so much joy in my heart! I wake up with so much joy in my heart!"

Lord have mercy on me, a sinner.

I Have a Great Kid

Truer words were never made into an internet meme.

I often look at my boy and hope I am not setting him up for years of therapy after he graduates. After all, he has a lot to put up with, not the least of which are his crazy parents. Yep. Both of us. Stark raving mad for various and sundry reasons. I look back on the last few years and wonder why my son hasn't drop kicked both of us to the curb.

He hasn't though. My boy is the epitome patience and grace far beyond his age and whacked out circumstances. I can only attribute this to the intercession of his angel, his saints, and the Theotokos herself. God has kept him safe and sound overall and for this I am so grateful.

As this year progresses, there will be more changes in his life. He's going into middle school. I'm finally progressing in my career after a painful year of unemployment and job hunting. Life goes on, of course. Everywhere and always there is change. I pray to God, and ask the intercession of the saints and the Theotokos, that there will be less pain and so much grace for him going forward.

Singing of Thy loving-kindness, I pray Thee, who feeds and hast mercy on my child; cease not to intercede for him with Thy Son, for I believe that all is possible for Thee, and do Thou fulfill these my entreaties: 

Raise my child to be filled with the Holy Spirit.
Raise my child to be found on the right hand at the Judgement Seat of Thy Son.
Raise my child to live in a holy manner.
Raise my child to dwell securely on the path of faith by the grace of the Spirit of God.
Raise my child to dwell securely on the path of faith by the grace of the Spirit of God.
Raise my child to hunger and thirst insatiably for the overshadowing of the Holy Spirit.
Raise my child to be perfect as our Father in Heaven is perfect.
Raise my child, O Lady, to be made worthy of the Kingdom of Heaven and make him an heir of eternal blessings.

Lord have mercy on me, a sinner.

Relevant Reading
Akathist to the Mother of God, Nurturer of Children
How to Teach Your Children to Love God

Go to Church!

O Lord and Master of my life! 

Take from me the spirit of sloth, 

faint-heartedness, lust of power, 

and idle talk.  

But give rather the spirit of  chastity, humility, patience, and love 

to Thy servant. 

Yea, O Lord and King! 

Grant me to see my own errors and not to judge my brother.

For Thou art blessed 

unto ages of ages. 

Amen

Lord have mercy on me, a sinner!

Relevant Reading
St Ephrem the Syrian
The Lenten Prayer of St Ephrem the Syrian, by Protopresbyter Alexander Schmemann

For Mom and Suggie

Carrie Webb 1918 - 1987

Alberta Webb Gatling 1937 - 1995

With the spirits of the righteous made perfect give rest to the souls of Thy servants, O Savior; preserve them in that life of blessedness which is with Thee, O Thou Who lovest mankind

In the place of  Thy rest, O Lord, where all Thy Saints repose, Give rest also to the souls of Thy servants, For Thou only lovest mankind.

Glory to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit.

Thou art our God Who descended into Hell, and loosed the bonds of those who were there; Thyself give rest also to the souls of Thy servants, O Savior.

Both now and ever, and to the ages of ages. Amen.

O Virgin, alone pure and immaculate, who without corruption didst being forth God, intercede for the salvation of their souls.

Memory Eternal

I miss my mom and grandmother. I know they still pray for me, but what I would not give to have them back here with me. 

Lord have mercy on me, a sinner.

Relevant Reading

Trisagion for the Departed

Mother Thekla’s Letter To A New Convert

Mother Thekla, who died on Aug. 7, 2011 at aged 93, was the last surviving nun to have occupied the enclosed Orthodox Monastery of the Assumption in North Yorkshire, but became better known to the wider world as the spiritual muse of the composer Sir John Tavener. Mother Thekla wrote the following letter in 2009, when she was 91 years old. You can read more about her here.

Dear “John”,

I understand that you are on the way to becoming Orthodox. I know nothing about you, beyond the fact that you are English.

Before we go any further, there is one point I should make clear. I have not been told why you are about to convert, but I assure you there is no point whatsoever if it is for negative reasons. You will find as much “wrong” (if not more) in Orthodoxy as in the Anglican or Roman Churches.

So – the first point is, are you prepared to face lies, hypocrisy, evil and all the rest, just as much in Orthodoxy as in any other religion or denomination?

Are you expecting a kind of earthly paradise with plenty of incense and the right kind of music?

Do you expect to go straight to heaven if you cross yourself slowly, pompously and in the correct form from the right side?

Have you a cookery book with all the authentic Russian recipes for Easter festivities?

Are you an expert in kissing three times on every possible or improper occasion?

Can you prostrate elegantly without dropping a variety of stationery out of your pockets?

OR…..

Have you read the Gospels?

Have you faced Christ crucified? In the spirit have you attended the Last Supper – the meaning of Holy Communion?

AND….

Are you prepared, in all humility, to understand that you will never, in this life, know beyond Faith; that Faith means accepting the Truth without proof. Faith and knowledge are the ultimate contradiction –and the ultimate absorption into each other.

Living Orthodoxy is based on paradox, which is carried on into worship – private or public.

We know because we believe and we believe because we know.

Above all, are you prepared to accept all things as from God?

If we are meant, always, to be “happy”, why the Crucifixion? Are you prepared, whatever happens, to believe that somewhere, somehow, it must make sense? That does not mean passive endurance, but it means constant vigilance, listening, for what is demanded; and above all, Love.

Poor, old, sick, to our last breath, we can love. Not sentimental nonsense so often confused with love, but the love of sacrifice – inner crucifixion of greed, envy, pride.

And never confuse love with sentimentality.

And never confuse worship with affectation.

Be humble – love, even when it is difficult. Not sentimental so called love – And do not treat church worship as a theatrical performance!

I hope that some of this makes sense,

With my best wishes,
Mother Thekla
(sometime Abbess of the Monastery of the Assumption, Normanby)

Relevant Reading
Mother Thekla’s Letter To A New Convert

First Things First

St John of Kronstadt
(Archpriest John Iliytch Sergieff,
 1829-1909)

"You wish to comprehend the incomprehensible; but can you understand how the inward sorrows with which your heart is overwhelmed overtake you, and can you find, except in the Lord, the means to drive them away? Learn at first, with your heart, how to free yourself from sorrows, how to ensure peace in your heart, and then, if necessary, philosophise on the incomprehensible, for "if ye then be not able to do that thing which is least, why take ye thought for the rest?" [Luke 12:25-26]

"Think oftener: Whose wisdom appears in the construction of your body? Who has ordered the laws of your thoughts, so that until now these laws are followed by all men? Who has engraved in the hearts of all men the law of conscience, so that until now it rewards the good and punishes the evil in all men? The Almighty, All-wise, and most gracious God! Thy hand is constantly upon me, a sinner, and there is no moment when Thy mercy leaves me. Grant me, then, always to kiss, with living faith, Thy gracious hand. Why should I go far to seek for the traces of Thy mercies, of Thy wisdom, and Thy omnipotence? O! how clearly these traces are visible to me! I, I myself am a miracle of God's goodness, wisdom and omnipotence. I myself--on a small scale--am a whole world; my soul is the representative of the invisible world; my body--of the visible one."
~ St John of Kronstadt, "My Life in Christ, or Moments of Spiritual Serenity and Contemplation, of Reverent Feeling, of Earnest Self-Amendment, and of Peace in God"

Relevant Reading
St John of Kronstadt
My Life in Christ
Luke 12:25-26

God...

...takes so many things that look horrid on the surface and turns them into wonderful, beautiful things. I don't know how and I often wonder why but if I had not seen the ugliness that I have seen, I know for a fact I would not see the beauty I see today.

Praise God for the mercy He has had and continues to have on this sinner.

A Prayer for Today

Jesus, Son of the Father without mother according to divinity,
I glorify You the eternal Who is above every entreaty and word.

Jesus, Son of a Mother without father according to humanity,

I glorify You Who became man for us.

Jesus, Emmanuel unchanged, for You are the Angel-bearer of the great message of salvation,
I thank You for Your great love for man.



Jesus, spotless Lamb of God,

I ever confess You, for I am the lost sheep.

Jesus, most-compassionate Comforter,
make the grace of your Spirit to work within me.

Jesus, new Adam,
take from me the old man, and establish in me the new.

Jesus, You Who descended to earth,
make me worthy to have my habitation in the heavens.




Jesus, You Who took on human nature,
make me a partaker in the grace of theosis.

Jesus, my breath, come to visit me.
~ St. Nikodemos the Hagiorite

Lord have mercy on me, a sinner.

Happy New Year!

 Wow! What a year 2012 was. I am so glad to have a clean slate to look forward to, but as I look behind me I am not overly displeased with this past year. Twenty-twelve was a remarkable year of learning for me: learning how to rely on the Lord's provision; learning how to be grateful for what was given; learning humility and graciousness; learning that my plans for my life might not be His.

It was hard and I whined. A lot. It didn't do me a lot of good.

It was hard and I prayed. A lot. That did me a whole lot more good.

I think I will continue to do what worked and stop doing what didn't.

God is good all the time and He is and had been gracious, so very gracious to me in the past 12 months. I can only imagine what He has in store for the next twelve months. I have my own goals and plans (not resolutions mind you. I don't do resolutions) but I am flexible enough to realize God has His own plans for me and my son in mind. He may or may not share them with me.

I'll just try not to whine too much about it.

O Master, Lord our God, the Source of life and immortality, the Author of all created things both visible and invisible, Who has established all seasons and times by Your own authority and Who directs all things with Your all-wise and all-gracious providence: We thank You for Your bounties, which You have poured out upon us during our life that is past. And we entreat You, O all-bountiful Lord: Bless the crown of the New Year by Your goodness. Bestow Your good things from above upon all Your people, as also health, salvation and good furtherance in all things. Deliver Your Holy Church, this city and all cities and countryside from every evil assault, and vouchsafe unto them peace and tranquility; and grant that we may always offer thanksgiving unto You, the unoriginate Father, together with Your only-begotten Son and Your all-holy, good and life-giving Spirit, now and ever, and unto ages of ages. Amen.

Lord have mercy upon me, a sinner.