The Hymn of Kassiani

St. Kassiani the Hymnographer

O Lord God, the woman who had fallen into many sins, having perceived Thy divinity received the rank of ointment-bearer, offering Thee spices before Thy burial wailing and crying: "Woe is me, for the love of adultery and sin hath given me a dark and lightless night; accept the fountains of my tears O Thou Who drawest the waters of the sea by the clouds incline Thou to the sigh of my heart O Thou Who didst bend the heavens by Thine inapprehensible condescension; I will kiss Thy pure feet and I will wipe them with my tresses. I will kiss Thy feet Whose tread when it fell on the ears of Eve in Paradise dismayed her so that she did hide herself because of fear. Who then shall examine the multitude of my sin and the depth of Thy judgment? Wherefore, O my Saviour and the Deliverer of my soul turn not away from Thy handmaiden O Thou of boundless mercy".

Lord have mercy upon me, a sinner.

Relevant Reading

Matthew 26:6-16

St, Kassiani the Hymnographer

The Theotokos Comforts Eve

The Theotokos comforts our foremother, Eve,
and crushes the head of the serpent beneath her foot

O Eve!

My mother, my daughter,

life-giving Eve,

Do not be ashamed, do not grieve.

The former things have passed away

Our God has brought us to a New Day.

See, I am with Child,

Through whom all will be reconciled.

O Eve!

My sister, my friend,

We will rejoice together

Forever

Life without end.


~ Sr. Columba Guare (copyright © 2005 Sisters of the Mississippi Abbey)

 The Holy Mother is always a comfort. Her prayers reach the ears of her Son with especial music. Today, through her prayers, I was rescued from an awkward situation. I can only thank her so much that she has deigned to come into my home and become my mother as well.

The Resurrection of Christ,
depicting His resurrection of Adam and Eve

Meanwhile, standing near the cross of Jesus were his mother, and his mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple whom he loved standing beside her, he said to his mother, ‘Woman, here is your son.’ Then he said to the disciple, ‘Here is your mother.’ And from that hour the disciple took her into his own home.

~ John 19:25-27

Relevant Reading
Adam and Eve
"Reading" the Icon of the Resurrection
Original Sin, St. Augustine, and Orthodoxy
Appellations of the Theotokos (drawn from the OT...You may have to scroll down a little.)

They Learned It

for the children

Lawdy, these rioting, robbing, shooting, and flash mobbing children are just bad-asses and by their Big Brother, facially recognized, social networking snitch campaign, video evidence (as seen, broadcasted keen into the public record), bad-ass is half-ass true because what really turns my joy towards sad is they learned it all from you.
The angry young man shoots a congresswoman. We grieve hard. Who conceived the arrogance?

“We don't know what went wrong!”
“He lived at home.”
[Did we … just quote … the parents?]

Separatists and supremacists rear ugly heads. Cowards march to rallies with guns. Some condemn them asHaters Who Have Been Misled by ignorance widespread over generations.

They demand lower taxes. The same Old Parties drinking teas; striking out at mythical Welfare Queens; and voting for wars funded with debt, increasing deficits through trade, then borrowing your moneybacks from overseas.

How did your bad-ass children grow up to be so god-damned mean?
We may blame our children as cultures tend to assume and say, “The kids have gone bad.” But we are the parents who perpetuate these deadly trends: The Society of Repeating Moms and Deadbeat Dads.

Divided by the past, incomes, and where our dead ancestors came from, living in neighborhoods segregated by inauthentic, arbitrarily defined cultural constructs such as “class” and “race,” with declining educational outcomes and eroding working class incomes: the same old plights for the next generation to face remain apace.

Instead of our future and beautiful children, it should be your excuses thrown under the bus. These things the children do over and again, who creates the sin?

 They learned it from us.

 {by Dennie T for the children}

They Learned It ~ Read by the author

Illustration for this poem by Scott Williams for Published Poems for Penny C, available in eBook form on May 4, 2013

My friend Dennie T wrote this poem. I think it definitely puts the finger on the things we see these days that kids do. Petty theft, grand theft, rape, torture, murder...They Learned It From Us.

Lord have mercy on me, a sinner.

Relevant Reading
News Ticker for Steubenville Rape Case

Happy Pi Day!!

There are many ways of observing Pi Day, from eating pie and discussing the significance of the number π, to screening the film Life of Pi.

Let's get out there, be constant, go on forever, and not repeat!

Relevant Reading
The Importance of Being Constant - Neil deGrasse Tyson

Professor John Lennox discusses Christianity, atheism and science

Orthodox Christianity Science and Truth - Fr Gregory Hallam 

Perfectly Weak in Grumpy Pants

So I feel a lot like something the cat left behind.

This, in spite of a long overdue visit from my son's godmother and my "kumbaya" (my own little interpretation of the Greek word "koumbara"). We've talked and hung out and re-established how comfortable we are with each other and just generally loved on each other as the long separated sister-friends we are. I am so glad she was able to be here for the last couple of days. I didn't know how much I missed her until she drove into the driveway and got out of the car.

Regardless of the happy-happy-joy-joy, though, I feel like last week's lunch on a broken hotplate tonight.

It is not something I am not used to. I mean, it's not new per se. I've had the diagnosis since 2011 but it seemed to get better after my surgery in the fall of that year. Things look like they have morphed, however.

The random, sharp, electric shock type feelings up my spine have been going on for too many days now. Maybe a week? In the past, those shocky feelings have always been the precursor to a flare but right now nothing has happened and the shocks go on. I don't like it. It's kind of scary.

Why? Well, I keep thinking it's (a) just building to The Mother of All Flares and I am going to end up physically tied in very painful knots for the next decade or so once it hits or (b) I'm just going to tase myself for the rest of my life.

Either one would seriously suck sweaty, hairy, monkey balls. (Yeah, I said it. Meant it too.)

Meanwhile, Great Lent is almost upon us. Next Monday in fact. I was kind of hoping that this Lent would be less...exciting? No...Less laborious? HA!! Yeah right, pull the other one, it's got bells on. Hmm...Easier. Hehehe! I kill me. Nope, not gonna happen.

That's the point though, right? It's not easy. Salvation is no more "free" than is freedom. We aren't expected to make a trip down some aisle, mutter a prayer, and POOF! Fire Insurance! That's not how it works. Once we receive salvation through water baptism (Matthew 28:19-20 and Acts 2:37-39), God has stuff for us to DO. (Ephesians 2:8-10) We are expected to work out our salvation in fear and trembling (Philippians 2:12-18) and not complain all the time. I mean, remember the Israelites? They kvetched about everything (this verse just one of MANY places they fussed about, well, everything! The Book of Numbers is practically just a list of all the complaining they did.) I honestly think the interminable complaining about everything under the blessed sun by the Israelites to Moses is one of the major reasons that verse is even in there. Think about it!

So yes, Great Lent is supposed to be hard. Why? So that by the time the stone is rolled away at Pascha, and Father pounds on the doors crying, "Lift up your heads, O gates! And be exalted, you everlasting doors! That the King of Glory may enter in!" (Paschal Matins) we know deep in our hearts that there is no way we can do ANY of what He has planned for us to do BY OURSELVES. We must be in Him. Our lives must be His and He must live through us. That is the only way to do ANYTHING. (Galatians 2:16, 19-21 and John 15:1-11).

I know this. I know it deep in my bones.

Today, however, my bones ache, shocks are running up and down my spine, my snark levels are at an all time high while my patience is plumbing new depths. Still I try to remember that greater men and women than myself have endured so much more pain and privation than I ever have or will, and they never lost their faith.

St. Nektarios wrote to the nuns at Aegina:

Do not be frightened. The overseeing eye of the Lord has not looked away...The Lady Theotokos will intercede once again. She will intercede to her omnipotent Son....Do not be troubled. Just continue your penance and every good work, with an attitude of happiness and optimism. We believe in a living perfect God. If He allows tribulations, it is for the salvation of our souls, of this you can be sure. Return to your duties of virtue and to the special ministries you have undertaken, always keeping in mind the great Paul and Silas who suffered so greatly inside prison. So let us chant as they did, continuously praising our benefactor as they did that historic night...

~ Saint Nektarios: The Saint of Our Century, p220, 223

And also:

The evil one does not care to what extent the human soul can endure torments, plots against it, and slander. When given permission [Job 1:6-12 and 2:1-6] to test the soul, he falls on his victim like a wild hungry vulture, taking pleasure in thrusting his nails in the backs of its unsuspecting victims.

~Saint Nektarios: The Saint of Our Century, p219

I think he might know what he's talking about. What with being a saint and all. So I will spend this Lent staying true to my marching orders in spite of how I feel physically. I will read, pray, read, pray, come up for air, go back to reading and praying, take the advice of Fr Thomas Hopko, and go back to reading and praying. Lather, rinse, repeat.

I can bear a few shocks or even the Flare to End All Flares if I also bear in mind that the gates shall lift up their heads and the everlasting doors will be exalted. He is the King of Glory and His power is made perfect in my weakness, so I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities for the sake of Christ; for whenever I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:7-10)

Lord have mercy on me a sinner

Relevant Reading
The Orthopraxis of Godparents in the Orthodox Church
Fibromyalgia
National Invisible Chronic Illness Week: How My Illness Affects My Morning
The Spoon Theory
The Gift of Suffering

Like A Frakkin Grown-Up!

I have officially designated today to be DO ALL THE THINGS LIKE A FRAKKIN' GROWN UP! Day.

I do hope you will conduct yourself accordingly.

Lord have mercy upon me, a sinner

(Update 957pm: I did most of the things like a frakkin' grown up but some of the things I did like a whiny kid. So sue me although I doubt that would hold up in court.)

Relevant Reading
This is Why I'll Never Be an Adult
Proud Member of the Late-Bloomers Club
Duty is Heavier Than a Mountain...of Mulch

Today the Triodion Begins

Glory to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit Open to me the door of repentance, O Life Giver, For my sprirt rises to pray toward Thy Holy Temple Bearing the temple of my body all defiled; But in Thy compaasion,  Purify me by the loving kindness of Thy mercy Both now and ever and unto the ages of ages. Amen Lead me on the paths of salvation, O Mother of God, for I have profaned my soul with shameful sins and have wasted my life in laziness; but by thy intercessions deliver me from all impurity. Have mercy on my O God according to Thy great mercy and according to the multitude of Thy compassions, blot out my transgressions. When I think of the many evil things I have done; wretch that I am, I tremble at the fearful day of judgement, but trustuing in Thy loving-kindness like David I cry to Thee: Have mercy on me, O God, Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me, O God according to Thy great mercy.

Relevant Reading

The Triodion
Open to Me the Doors of Repentance

My Name is Not Sheila...Yet

I love this movie. Every time I watch it I remember, I am not Sheila anymore. But maybe...one day...I'll be able to feel this way, too.

I can already say this, however: "And I wake up...I wake up with so much joy in my heart! I wake up with so much joy in my heart!"

Lord have mercy on me, a sinner.

I Have a Great Kid

Truer words were never made into an internet meme.

I often look at my boy and hope I am not setting him up for years of therapy after he graduates. After all, he has a lot to put up with, not the least of which are his crazy parents. Yep. Both of us. Stark raving mad for various and sundry reasons. I look back on the last few years and wonder why my son hasn't drop kicked both of us to the curb.

He hasn't though. My boy is the epitome patience and grace far beyond his age and whacked out circumstances. I can only attribute this to the intercession of his angel, his saints, and the Theotokos herself. God has kept him safe and sound overall and for this I am so grateful.

As this year progresses, there will be more changes in his life. He's going into middle school. I'm finally progressing in my career after a painful year of unemployment and job hunting. Life goes on, of course. Everywhere and always there is change. I pray to God, and ask the intercession of the saints and the Theotokos, that there will be less pain and so much grace for him going forward.

Singing of Thy loving-kindness, I pray Thee, who feeds and hast mercy on my child; cease not to intercede for him with Thy Son, for I believe that all is possible for Thee, and do Thou fulfill these my entreaties: 

Raise my child to be filled with the Holy Spirit.
Raise my child to be found on the right hand at the Judgement Seat of Thy Son.
Raise my child to live in a holy manner.
Raise my child to dwell securely on the path of faith by the grace of the Spirit of God.
Raise my child to dwell securely on the path of faith by the grace of the Spirit of God.
Raise my child to hunger and thirst insatiably for the overshadowing of the Holy Spirit.
Raise my child to be perfect as our Father in Heaven is perfect.
Raise my child, O Lady, to be made worthy of the Kingdom of Heaven and make him an heir of eternal blessings.

Lord have mercy on me, a sinner.

Relevant Reading
Akathist to the Mother of God, Nurturer of Children
How to Teach Your Children to Love God

Go to Church!

O Lord and Master of my life! 

Take from me the spirit of sloth, 

faint-heartedness, lust of power, 

and idle talk.  

But give rather the spirit of  chastity, humility, patience, and love 

to Thy servant. 

Yea, O Lord and King! 

Grant me to see my own errors and not to judge my brother.

For Thou art blessed 

unto ages of ages. 

Amen

Lord have mercy on me, a sinner!

Relevant Reading
St Ephrem the Syrian
The Lenten Prayer of St Ephrem the Syrian, by Protopresbyter Alexander Schmemann